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Brain in the Drain

Boom tube's & 808's for the teenage youth.

By Jace DominguezPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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Doodles by me.

I only graduated high school less than 2 years ago, so there ain’t been much time for “look how the time flew” melodrama to set in quite yet. But given present circumstances in how the Earth blew up and temporarily closed, I’d say it’s fair to assess the old world I’d once lived, and reflect on the pain, joys, and wild sounds of adult world pre-deployment. Queue the melodrama :)

I had a pretty vibrant assortment of music throughout those 4 years, I was always on the aux or Bluetooth whenever I was with friends, and I made a point to assess the environment, and employ the music I felt we needed to hear. I remember Summer ‘16 was lush with the sounds of Electronic masterminds like Diplo, Chainsmokers, Zara Larson. Not to mention the waves made by Drake with his Views release. Man, that was a fantastic summer. We’d spend nearly every day at Lake Arrowhead, jumping off the docks, feeling the warm sun & breathing cleaner air. We’d get Gabacho’s and Peace tea’s at a corner store up the street for lunch. Life was gooood. This was the sweetheart stage of that era, falling for girls, loving your dumb-ass friends, the first step through the door. Notable listens include the breakout campaign of The Weeknd’s Beauty Behind the Madness, the pop stylings of Justin Bieber’s Coldwater & Sorry, and 7 Years by Lukas Graham. It really was a honeymoon for the soul. It helped to take my mind off the absence of my Dad, he was integral in my life up to that point, but he and my mom had gotten a divorce, and off he went. I wouldn't realize til' later how much I depended on him and his guidance. Made high school a journey to be explored on my own. It taught me well.

The Boys before the 50’s Throwback Dance. Freshman Year.

Then the hormones came. Emotions set in, lanes were picked, cliques were formed, and off we went into the pockets of our mind to make sense of a rapidly-changing world that looked nothing like childhood, and not serious enough for adulthood. It wasn’t a phase mom. The meat & potatoes of my musical intake consisted of stylish rap, the weird emo-rap that demanded its place in the industry, as well as the rebellious, teenage-classical stylings of artists like Lorde, CASTLEBEAT, Frank Ocean, and Nirvana. There were countless nights where I’d close my eyes and lose myself in these treats, namely Ribs by Lorde. The echoes and hymns backing the warm lyrical play brought me to a place where I’d felt like a child jumping on a bed, incessantly, with no greater care in the world. CASTLEBEAT would speak to my loving heart, and heartbreaks. Psychedelic pop to melt the mind with lush sounds of melancholy and glints of glasses half-full. Top that off with Nirvana’s own In Utero, songs like All Apologies would complete the cocktail for prime-time teenage angst. Heavy guitar to undertone a droning song of wails & so misunderstoods, Just to break out in all out war and instrumental fury by the end of the track, with Curt Cobain incessantly repeating a phrase uttered by the Dalai Lama. “All in all is all we are”. A comforting quote to warm the chill of night and fill a chamber of loneliness. At this point I was a pretty sad kid, two of my best friends had moved states, and they were my rocks, so I had to reform new relationships, but oh it was never the same. I felt displaced and left naked between the social groups, and I often spent my time drifting between them. Those were hard days, but I think it was meant to teach me to be content with myself. I remember being sad about having no one to play with in the 2nd grade, and my teacher would tell me that's perfectly okay, but it would only make me feel more like a weirdo. At some point I was okay with me, but you always want that validation and acceptance. To know your normal, cool, and wanted, its just a natural thing for social creatures. Guess I'm still chasing that.

Photo of my buddy before our pre-game Jam Sessions.

I can’t express my side of the high school story without including my hip-hop heroes. I wasn’t all doom and gloom, maybe a majority percentage, but I loved my rap. This included what I liked to call the Big Four: Drake, Lil Wayne, Eminem, Kanye West. These guys dominated the charts before streaming music became the staple, and are the true godfathers to this era of modern music, at least in the realm of hip-hop. There were older cats too, guys Public Enemy, Tupac, DMX, (and Linkin’ Park if your not super technical) who gave way the emotional turmoil expressed in ridiculous flows we hear today. Tupac’s Changes yearned at the fiber of the youths heart, in his expression for the hope of a better world by expressing the truths of the broken ones. The broken worlds, streets, and homes you and I inhabit. A Mercedes-Benz parked outside of a suburban home doesn’t guarantee all is well in the world of golden suburbia. J-Cole taught me that. It was a great time for rap, there seemed to be an explosion of craziness, in which all kinds of acts would shoot their shot and everyone would see what sticks. This of course was a result of the internet, and its totemic courthouse of overnight fame. This led to the rise of internet heroes like Post Malone, Lil Uzi Vert, Playboi Carti, and other streaming soldiers who blew up into sensations. They were accepted and appreciated for their wild differences, whether it’s Posty’s Broken Whiskey Glass, Uzi’s emo, Marilyn Manson appeal, or cash Carti’s Magnolia swagger oozing through the earbuds. Great art and humans in all shapes and sizes, I suppose it gave me a sense of comfort in who I am. I thought to myself, these guys look completely different, some are straight up goofy, I mean you had an artist named Ugly God blow up, and he wasn’t all that great looking! But they’re doing what they love, and they’re great at it. And they didn’t care for the naysayers and the negativity, something we all were susceptible to at one point in those early years. I took a page out of their books. I learned that if I really wanted to make an impact, especially as a writer, the days of polite society and concern for opinion were numbered, friends.

Yours Truly, endulging in my angst for a photography project.

Ultimately, there was a lot of breadth to my listenings, I had gone through my fair share of a lot in those days, payed my dues like the rest of these teenage outlaws. I took away some key lessons though, and I’m sure more will come my way as I go further through this journey. I learned to embrace what you fear, what sucks, what hurts. It’s hard, definitely easier written the done, but it’s necessary to finding your Way, and carving a path you care about, a road you want to walk on. I learned that concerns for outside opinions will definitely kill you. It’ll kill your joy, the kid inside you, the peace of mind in what you do. Don’t indulge in what doesn’t concern your efforts in life. I also learned that habits make the man; cramming homework after sports to get no sleep and go off to do the same thing with no breakfast everyday was a stupid decision. On top of contending with the emotions, being down in the dumps, it made for a pile of poop in my mind. I’m sure it didn’t for others help if home life sucked or wasn’t even worth going back to.

Take care of yourself. Secure your soul, work everyday to be strong. As the man John Kennedy said, “do not pray for easy lives my friends; pray to be stronger men”. I love that quote. It often brought a semblance of unity with the earth, in understanding that the "they" that never understood us, appreciated us, or cared for us, likely felt the same way, and had challenges of their own. Don't be so hard on yourself or others. Game of life ain't an easy one, not for the faint-hearted. Play it a step at a time, sweat some of the little stuff, but not all of it. Learn to allocate your attention, it's what makes you who you are. Thank you for reading.

Toga Day. Closing of Senior Year, onto a brave (and wildly unexpected) new world.

Links to my listenings:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1IdnhkD4hqvlEpBo4nMF15?si=QfAtDlnqQKeyLnJVwLgLyQ

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4XpQR5Riu2L1hr1CeC18sc?si=Np8plpFCQoiks4jSHvts3g

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4FjCgN7FLT4JEgkVdRPRix?si=2v7uQkm3QSqo4J63ChC_7Q

playlist
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About the Creator

Jace Dominguez

Writer : Creative

English Major @ UCLA, passionate about the arcane, the unseen, and the stories that drive us to cry hard and love harder. Hope you enjoy :)

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