A Playlist To Make The Bench Press Your Bitch

You're inhaling the mingled scents of oft-used air freshener, hastily swiped deodorant, and the musk of hard labor. You're tasting the first wave of salty sweat trickling from your temples to the edges of your mouth and wetting the corners of your lips. You're hearing grunts of exertion and whatever particular program is being presented by the one who holds the remote. You're about to grasp the handles just underneath the seat of the cycling machine and breathing in deep- but suddenly a little lightbulb moment happens and you remember the most important part of this workout session.

Your music. Where is your playlist you hapless gymrat?

Suddenly it dawns on you that in your haste to pick the perfect pair of sweatpants to go with the not-too-distressed sketchers (this is a gym not your redemption arc and you're gonna have some class), you forgot to pick the tunes for this month's gym session? Now you're starting at the heart rate monitor with its blinking red warning of inactivity and wondering if you're going to be that loser who just listens to their own wheezes and grunts for the next hour (ish) like some kind of lughead.

But you remember, suddenly, like the sunlight burning away heavy fog . . . that you bookmarked THIS article, with it's kickass playlist, for a second option if you weren't feeling your own choices. Gleefully you swipe and tap to your specified folder (the streamlined playlist is right here), and start off the first mile with . . .

A little Duckwrth never goes amiss, and I love this song for its buildup. It builds just like your heart rate, just warming up and getting into the "swing" (aha) of your workout flow.

CONTINUE. TO. ACCELERATE. You got that warm-up, but did you think that was it?! Wrong! I better see those legs pumping! Remember to save some energy for the stair-stepper though.

Just this picture is motivation enough. The man had deltoids that could crack open a watermelon with a simple shrug. Do you think your reflexes are good enough to dodge a wrench thrown by this Juggernaut? Yeah, that answer is no, so better get to training. And enjoy some quality bodybuilding inspiration photos by the Terminator himself. God he was frightening.

Now this is a fighting song. An agressive, fast-paced jump rope song. A song to lift some (appropriate to your ability and comfort level) weights. Bonus points if you can somehow watch the original music video while doing what you've got to do for extra adrenaline and just a fun time. Don't run from that burn, you better embrace the burn. What's that? You've got ten more in you? Now that's what I like to hear. Let's show some initiative.

Don't wimp out on me now, you've still got a ways to go- we're not even halfway through this playlist yet! We got our heart rate up, we're keeping it level with some Weeknd and Kendrick as we traverse the Iron Plane. We're using that . . . rowing machine thingie, right, or . . . working on those bicep curls and our hip abductors.

Something tells me you need a little "oomph", a little extra kick to power through those last couple reps. Hey, it's no problem when you've got a demonic hellbilly yelling at you about some really creepy stuff. Kind of puts you in a certain mindset to get out of there right?

Is that complaining I here? What, the ads are throwing you off from your flow? I guess you're not actually concentrating hard enough on your form if you've got time to notice the ads. Anybody who's still got enough breath to complain about ads can do another fifteen reps. Focus!

Starting to really feel that burn. It's meandering up your arms, causing little sparks to pop up all over your calves and thighs that sort of don't feel good but sort of do at the same time. Don't think too much on it, this song requires you to move, move fast, and start to crush the next set of exercises you've got planned.

We're doing a push and pull right now. We push with a really hyped song up front and then pull some determination and effort out while we plateau with a banger like this. Not a lot of focus is needed, this song is relatively chill for background beats to power through your exercises. Your name's about to be "Diamond Quads" in a second.

I'm a sucker for some anime OP's and if you think for a second I won't feature at least ONE on a workout playlist then you are absurd. Especially one about a guy as badass as Hyakkimaru. Hyakkimaru's out here slaying demons without hands and you're about to complain because you don't want to do thirty minutes on the treadmill?! Get up there. Now.

Fun, light, and gives me a little extra sway to my steps on the treadmill which makes it go by much easier. May be a little weird to the people on surrounding treadmills but hey, they aren't the ones paying the membership fees.

Last song before we start cooling down. You are almost there and you've done spectacularly. So have some fun, go freestyle and add a little shimmy every other move! When has Daddy Yankee ever failed to get us moving? Put a little footwork in if you're just lifting something light like ten or fifteen pounds. It's totally right to feel yourself right about now.

Whew! There's a lot of sticking fabric to trembling skin, drooping eyelids, and a sense of accomplishment for lasting this song. We celebrate the beginning of your cooldown with this excellent, funky song. Alternatively, this could also be a great starting song to help pump you up! Whatever you're feeling really, this song can provide it for you. Honestly I recommend Cloudkid for just about any time but this is a particular favorite.

Your cooldown should be mostly stretching! Don't forget to stretch out those sore muscles, it's such a great treat for them! Ease out those hamstrings and your lower back with this chill beat in the background. You can keep cool but still get a little fun track to get the worst of the starting stretches taken care of.

Ooh, now this is a slow one . . . You've made your gym session today a very successful one and hey, for what it's worth, I'm freaking proud of you. You can find a soft place to melt into and guzzle some water, let yourself come down from the exertion and strain. This extra slowed version of Goyte's hit is such a nice, smooth listen, and it always helps me feel relaxed.

But don't forget, we've got a standing date for another visit next week. See you then!