A Life Lived: The Musical

I admit, I struggled a lot with this challenge.

Mostly because I don't really think of my life by way of songs. Or milestones in general, because I have a tendency to skip the majority of the 'socially expected' milestones.

I moved out of home at 22 (my younger sister was in the middle of First Year University exams and snapping at anyone who breathed too loudly), and completely bypassed the High School Boyfriend/Girlfriend, First Drunk Escapades and Late-Night Parties. (I didn't really date at all until my late 20s, and have only had two long-term relationship, plus a handful of set-ups that didn't progress past the second date. I rarely drank alcohol at all and generally limited myself to a single drink, and valued my sleep too much to stay out into the early hours if a work shift didn't require it.)

In fact, I generally gave up on milestones when it became clear in Primary School that I would hit them when I was ready and not before.

I have playlists for certain moods, and broadly grouped by category (Disney, Celtic, Historical, Halloween, Christmas...), but there's not really any definitive songs that tell the story of my life.

So, rather than milestones, I'm going to focus on the events that shaped me as a person.

#1 - I'm Not That Girl (Wicked: the Musical)

While I didn't receive a diagnosis until my 20s, I always knew I was different, the odd one out, the weird kid, practically from birth. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't something I could change or control, and without a diagnosis, there weren't any therapies or supports available to me.

At least Elphaba knew why people treated her differently...

#2 - You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me (Burlesque)

I was 10 the first time I seriously considered suicide, due to bullying. School was bad enough, but home wasn't a safe space either, because the bully leading the charge was related to me, and if I tried to talk to my parents about what was bothering me, it would get back to her, and be all over school the next day.

The school bathroom was on the third story of our small convent-turned-school. I found myself looking out the window far too often, and wondering if the jump down to the playground was survivable.

Ultimately, I decided to live out of pure spite - if my bullies wanted me miserable enough to unalive myself, I was going to shove their failure in their face by refusing to do so!

I never owned up to being the one who used the blind cord to tie a Gordian Knot that prevented the window from opening more than an inch or two, but it was an effective reminder to myself that making my continued existence everyone else's problem was a better solution.

#3 - Lullaby For A Princess (My Little Pony)

Specifically the last couple of verses.

I struggled with guilt for a long time after my twin's death. Could I have done more, shouldn't I have noticed the early warning signs before the seizure that killed her? Why didn't I check sooner?

I have my own ways of keeping her memory alive, but this song , which I didn't discover until several years after her death, never fails to encompas thosse feelings.

#4 - This Is Me (The Greatest Showman)

Getting a diagnosis was the first step toward accepting myself and not trying to fit into one mold or another, a square peg trying to fit into holes that were every shape but square.

When I finally got that all-important piece of paper, I finally had a framework to stop seeing myself as broken or defective, and start seeing myself as "advanced software trying to run on an basic hardware".

This song, sung by the misfits of society finally refusing to be ashamed of who they are, captures that feeling very well.

#5 - Change (Taylor Swift)

Getting a diagnosis led to learning strategies to deal with life, which immediately made a big difference. Finally, all the struggles to function at life had the final missing piece of the puzzle that let everything slide into place.

There's no one particular line or aspect of the song that makes it stand out for this milestone, just the overall vibe.

#6 - The SCA (Best Pickle Hamburger)

In 2010, I discovered Historical Re-enactment, a community that both catered to my passions and has a higher-than-ususal number of Neuro-Spicy members.

Most of my found family are people I met through this hobby, and having a worldwide community is an amazing thing. (I won't say that there isn't always room for improvement, but it's nice to have a varied social group.)

This is the song that best summarises us, written by the one playing the lute, to the tune of another of my favouite songs 'The Antlered Crown and Standing Stone".

#7 - The Women Who Write (Judy Small)

In 2015, I published my first book.

This is Judy Small's tribute to women writers, and the struggle to be noticed in a very gatekept industry. If you've ever struggled to finish a story, or suffered writer's block with a looming deadline, this is the song for you.

#8 - You and Me (Blinky Bill)

If you're not Australian, you probably have no idea who Blinky Bill even is, but that's not really relevant to the song itself.

While it's not a love song specifically, I've always liked the themes of relationships and teamwork and perseverance.

It's a song that both validates life experiences and sums up the ingredients for a successful relationship.

#9 - The Space Between (Descendants 2)

As an Asexual couple who keep out PDAs very limited, my Beloved and I are often mistaken for Best Friends, something that is very amusing to us.

There are a LOT of Archeologist/Historian jokes about Historical "Best Friends", go look some of them up.

As such, this song, which featured on my Pride Playlist as the ultimate "yeah, there is no way this is platonic", is one that I feel sums up our relationship nicely.

We started out as friends, and eventually became Love Interests.