Take your love back, it makes me cry.
My first love made me feel like shit in all different ways that I’d never imagined even possible. Not only did he attack my work ethic, he also attacked my sanity, my mental vulnerabilities, my appearance, my personality, my health, my honesty, my relationship with myself, my family, my friendships. Everything I can imagine that I have built and spent years maintaining or even strengthening, he not only judged me for, but he re-wrote. For some stupid reason-no-because I loved him and I trusted him, I let him. Then I forgot myself, I said I’d stay, I cried, and I went back. I hate myself for it. However, the thing that I truly hate, is him. I see now with open eyes just how fucked up he is. The way he treated me, I would never wish onto another human being. He was cruel and he was aware of it. Every single thing he did was completely for himself and I have no idea how there couldn’t have been an ounce of empathy left over, tucked away somewhere in his mind. He let me pick up all his anger; insecurities, social and moral difficulties and fix them for him. And then he had the audacity to take that love and willingness, and empowering and use it to make me feel even worse about myself. He knew that he was getting away with it, taking advantage of my kindness, my emotions, my forgiveness. He knew that I was too good to be with him but instead of learning and trying to do better, he just tried to make me worse.
