I'm the foulmouthed horror movie critic. I post new reviews every Sunday, so stay tuned =D
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Vampires vs the Bronx' (2020)
Okay, maybe it's on me going into this expecting Attack the Block (2011). That's a really high bar and frankly, there aren't many that live up to it. Needless to say, I went into this with high expectations so keep that in mind as I proceed. And just to get it out of the way, I actually do recommend you give this movie a shot. Horror Heads, even general pg-13 audience.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark' (2019)
What do I say about this movie? It wasn't bad. Actually, it was quite clever but some how it was also really bland. I don't know, maybe it's because it was yet another PG-13 horror movie, which always manages to hamper the movie by castrating the good stuff. Maybe it's because it was based on a children's book and it was bound to be kinda soft. I think maybe they wanted to introduce this to a younger audience but in a way that still appealed to the adults that remember it. I don't know, like I said, it was clever but it just didn't impress me.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Salem's Lot' (1979)
Jesus fuck, why the hell was this so scary when we were kids? It's easy to forget the 'Leave It To Beaver' TV acting of the 70s. Mind you, this was considered premo acting back in those days. It's like my review of Suspiria (1977). It doesn't make sense now that acting has evolved and needs to be more genuine. Back in the days, theater acting was considered more appropriate while today it would only seem hammy. That being said, the acting is still good enough for horror, even by today's standards, so fuck it, it's fine.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hellraiser' (2022)
Fucking shame on this movie for almost failing my 30-minute rule. Say what you want about the shitty franchise installments from 5-7, at least they got to the meat and potatoes quickly. And the original, ten fucking minutes in and BOOM, cenobites crawling out of every orifice.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Block Island Sound' (2020)
This was pretty good Lovecraftian Horror. And again, Lovecraftian Horror isn't tentacle monsters, but rather a fantastic descent into madness. This movie depicts it so fucking well, and you're never exactly sure WHAT the fuck is going on. This could have also been cerebral in the way you're never perfectly sure if the main character is crazy or if supernatural shit is actually happening. However, I think that might have made the movie too boring and firmly answering that question is a part of a reveal that makes this movie so worth it. I'll talk about this more in the spoilers.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Bone Tomahawk' (2015)
Why was this considered horror? It was in the horror section. It was recommended to me as a horror movie. I was told it was a lot like The Burrowers (2008) which I loved for how dark it was. And yeah, this was pretty fucking dark, but it wasn't horror. It was basically the same movie as The 13th Warrior (1999) just with cowboys. Sure The 13th Warrior had a bit of a horror edge to it, but it was firmly action adventure and so was this. Hell, this was basically just an ultra-violent western like any other western. They just replaced the native Americans with something less offensive. I'm not even sure it worked. Bottom brass, it was still basically Native Americans. I'll talk a little more about this in the spoilers.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Prey' (2022)
So, this was an excellent extension of the Predator franchise. It really captured most of the feel of the original movie, Predator (1987). This is a pretty good break from the lackluster AvP movies, and the good but kinda silly movie Predators (2010). I haven't seen The Predator (2018), so I'm not sure how it compares, but needless to say, Prey (2022) was a good return to form.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Bingo Hell' (
You know, for a shoe stringer, this was pretty good. Kinda reminds me of Bubba Hotep in many ways, and not just the feel of the horror as slightly ridiculous, but also the way it was shot, and the general presentation of the story.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Current Occupant' (2020)
So, this wasn't really horror, and it's not usually my bag to do movies like this, but I've strayed from my lane before and I think it's appropriate to do that now. So, what do I call this? Cerebral Suspense, Cerebral Thriller? Something in that vein. It's a kin to Cerebral Horror, and it's the best kind that walks the line between madness and reality. On its face, we're given a dilemma, a sort of moment where we're asked to suspend disbelief or reject it entirely. The movie frequently asks the question, "Is it more likely that the President of the United States is being held captive in a mental facility, or that a crazy person in a mental facility thinks they're the President of the United States."
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of Netflix's 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (2022)
Yeah, anyone who complained about this extension of the TCM franchise clearly isn't a fan. It was everything it was supposed to fucking be. I mean, the second and third instalments of the franchise were fucking nuts. They were barely coherent. I could genuinely understand why people wouldn't like TCM 2 or TCM The Next Generation. They're simply not everyone's cup of horror tea. I fucking loved them, but that's the kind of bonkers nonsense I'm into. So sure, plenty of the TCM franchise isn't for everyone. But this had everything it should have. Violence, gore, and an undertone of social commentary. Like... what the fuck were people expecting? The damn franchise is about a guy who wears other people's faces and wields a chainsaw. When it's not going completely off the fucking rails like The Next Generation, it should just be about gore and violence.
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Crimes of the Future' (2022)
This was not a horror movie. This was a fucking Nine Inch Nails' music video. This was also everything Panos Cosmatos wishes he could create. Now, if we're doing Cronenberg, we know damn good and well shit is about to get weird. But like all artistic masturbation, are we really connecting, are we hitting the mark, or are we just jerking ourselves off? You know, this movie even made a point to ask that ironically, which I think is the brilliance of Cronenberg. Sure he has something to say, but he's also just as willing to admit he's jerking himself off.