Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Jeepers Creepers: Reborn' (2022)

I was told that pedo Victor Salva didn't have his grubby little hands all over this extension of the franchise. I was lied to. That fucking greasy pedo still owns the IP and gets royalties. So, before we get any further, don't watch this movie. Salva doesn't deserve a dime of your money. There's nothing in this movie that makes it worth compromising your dignity. Fucking Salva is like the Harvey Weinstein of horror. I can't tell if it's ironic that he named his monster 'The Creeper' or if it's completely on brand for him. But yeah, fuck Salva and fuck this movie, don't watch it. If you REALLY want to know what this movie is about, read my review instead...

The question I'm sure you want to know was if this movie was any good? No. No, it was not. The acting was crap, the story unimaginative, it was basically just a generic slasher, the atmosphere was absolute garbage, it's like they weren't even trying.

However, if or when Salva is dead or he sells the IP, you should watch this movie and I'll tell you why. It was a shoe stringer, it felt like everyone involved was a horror head, it felt like it was a film made by fans for fans. That should be no surprise as Salva was not the writer or director. I CAN appreciate it for what it was; an effort out of love for horror. I just wish these people didn't end up sharing that love with fucking Salva. I see them, I see them trying, but they really should have just made another movie. I can't imagine why anyone would want to associate themselves with The Creeper while Salva is still breathing.

I feel bad for the actors, actually. Of course the acting was bad. But you know what? It was better than you expect for horror. I mean, it was a little hammy, but for the most part they stay on tone, even if it was a little dry. And these people were probably like me. They probably thought, this time is okay, because that scumbag wasn't involved. FUCK KNOWS I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be on set with Salva, knowing what we know.

The atmosphere was true kamp. The background of everything was CGI, which was a weird choice that just made everything cartoonish. Hell, even the set looked like something out of Scooby-Doo. I mean, the lighting was right but there were no filters so it all seems strangely artificial. There were just tons of little mistakes that seem like the bloopers of a novice. That's why it kinda feels like a fan film and why I really WANT to like it, though I just can't bring myself to.

And I mean, the plot was a generic slasher because that's all The Creeper really is. Just another supernatural killer of teenagers. What was nice is that they kind of eluded to an expansion of the mythos. They didn't just leave it stale, they tried to make it their own thing. And who could blame them for trying to make it their own thing... because, you know... Salva is fucking gross. Even though it was completely directionless and they really don't go into it, my point is there was thought and effort put into it. I really wanna give them credit for it and I just really can't.

Actually, there's this neat part about The Creeper being an urban legend. It very well should fucking be. If it pops up every 23 years, you'd think by now it would basically be like Bigfoot for the town it comes from. Why wouldn't there be tons of blurry photos and videos? Someone would have had to run into it at some point. The movie even starts off with a cute little reenactment of the first movie with different actors. Like all urban legends, there's just a ton that isn't quite accurate. But that's part of this movie's charm.

Again, I really wanna give them credit for their work, they did a fine job for what is essentially a fan film... it's just, feels like we're giving Salva more life than he deserves. Just don't watch it. It's not worth it. The movie is frankly not good enough to be worth compromising.

SPOILERS!!!

I wish they did a little bit more with the Creeper Cult. Like, what do they get out of it? Magic? Power? Eternal life? They don't really explain the motivation. All we know is that The Creeper wants the female lead's unborn baby so it can break the 23 year cycle. It doesn't really go into a lot of detail about it. There isn't much discovery involving that portion of the storyline. We know the cult is feeding The Creeper. We know they're trying to help it break the 23 year cycle, but they never really say what the cult gets out of it.

This movie also missed a huge opportunity. The whole thing starts off at a horror festival. There are dozens of extras. The Creeper should have been given a chance to rampage and slaughter a whole bunch of Horror Heads. How fucking fun would that have been? Pitty they didn't see what was right in front of them.

But 20-30 years, however long it takes Salva to die or sell the rights, just wait for it.