Michelle Paiva
Bio
Stories (13/0)
Holiday Without You
The tree is up, the fire is lit, the stockings are hung and if it were a picture, it would be the epitome of what a perfect Christmas should be. The holidays are a time of joy, love and laughter. A time where memories are created and traditions are born. Echos of the past that once brought smiles now bring silent tears. On the outside, all seems merry and bright, but when a loved one is missing on the holidays, pain and sorrow are all that's on the inside. How do you celebrate joy when someone you love is unable to celebrate too? And in the most permanent sense, they will never celebrate anything with you ever again. Before you get angry at me, and say “there is joy in heaven” or accuse me of being an atheist, I would like to say that I am a very Christian woman with a strong belief in life after death. God very much comes first in my life, but when grief takes over it is hard to feel anything else. It is hard to even be yourself. In the midst of your sorrow, life keeps charging on. You have no choice but to charge forward too. Putting on a smile when inside you are crying. Everyday you are going through the motions and just trying to get by from one day to the next, and with your best efforts facings all those “firsts” without them. You learn to master the art of looking OK and opening up just enough that no one questions what you are not telling. You learn to navigate with the pain hidden allowing just enough out to not look suspicious so that you can convince the world that you are healing. Heck, if you lie well enough you even began to convince yourself. And then, the holidays come. You feel lost, every decoration has a memory attached, every recipe, every song on the radio and every holiday movie. Suddenly, you are back at square one.
By Michelle Paiva3 years ago in Families