Lola Naiyesha
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Work in Marriage
See the picture above, January 16th, 2016 is the day I said I Do to the love of my life, but what I didn't realize what I said I Do to was a lifetime of work. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and wouldn't want no other way to spend my life with her but no one prepares you for the work in marriage. I didn't have any examples to follow by growing up, my parents had a toxic marriage and divorced when I was 6 or 7 and, watching my mom and the toxic men she continued to be with and living with my womanizing father and step mother in my teen years, never taught me that marriage was ever a good thing if you work at it. My wife didn't have any good examples herself, losing her mother at the age of 11 and her father battle with alcoholism and drugs for years and even in her adulthood, he seems to carry toxic traits as well. We weren't given tools to have a toxic free relationship or marriage, but we knew we wanted love and found it in each other. We carried toxic ways and energy in our relationship of 8 years and in our soon to be 5 years of marriage and didn't know where to start. Yes we've tried therapy twice, honestly I want to say once because the first therapist seem to be bias when it was couples therapy and not individual therapy. So what's next? Well we've decided to take matters in our own hands, we separated, not legally not out of the home, but we have decided to remove things that seem to be our temporary fix and decided to try different methods, we have become less intimate, allow raw feelings to come through where conversations are less complicated to have because we just was cuddling and under each other. We actually don't annoy each other as much. We argue less, we hear each other out more. This was the work that honestly should have been done in the beginning of us but we are saving us. Once we clear the old toxic ways, we will be able to focus on the other things to work on, because we will be empty nesters in the near future and we will learn to adapt to it being just us. So for the engaged couples out there, the newly weds that are out of the honeymoon phase, the been married for a while what's next couples, marriage requires work and if you love each other as much as you say you do, understand that clearly and get to work and continue to figure out your next steps until death do you part!
By Lola Naiyesha 4 years ago in Humans