I am a gamer, a geek, a writer, an entrepreneur, and a gardener, among many things. I have a lot of knowledge and opinions to share with the world, along with creations from my chaotic mind.
My Anxiety, Part III
So of course when people find out I have anxiety, they like to give me their opinion of how they think I should cope with it. Though some are from people also suffering who like to share their techniques, most are from people who really have no concept of what having a mental health disorder is like, or they understand it psychologically, but have never actually dealt with it themselves.
My Anxiety, Part II
Continuing from my last post, let us look at the main question: what is it like to have crippling anxiety? I consider mine to be “crippling” because it affects my ability to do simple tasks, like drive a car, for example, or sometimes just leave my home. Most people do not understand this and think I’m just lazy or that I need to change my way of thinking. That is not how it works — you don’t just wake up one day and think “gee, I’m really tired of this anxiety, so I’m just going to get rid of it.” My anxiety can vary from day to day, sometimes letting me be almost normal, and then, like a tsunami, it crushes me and I feel different.
My Anxiety, Part I
In an attempt to explain my anxiety to my husband, I searched the internet for effective ways to do this and found a lot of useless information that was more often about positive thinking than actually living with anxiety. However, I did come across a few articles written by people who suffer from anxiety on the level I do—real people with real anxiety trying to explain what it’s like to live with this type of mental illness. Yes, I say “mental illness” because anxiety is a problem in the brain, not a way of thinking. It cannot be just ignored or cured through positive thoughts, meditation, or my doctor’s favorite prescription of “diet and exercise.”
How Did I Get Here, Part 3 of 3
Originally posted on the author’s blog After the bank, I worked part-time for a while since my husband had finally found a job after three years of being unemployed. It was time for me to take a bit of a break anyway, letting me take on a few side projects, like writing and starting an online business. I worked for TJ Maxx very briefly before taking a position with Michaels, though I would eventually leave that one because of my knee issues. Honestly, my job at Michaels was always because of the pay — I never cared for them as a company, and the employee discount was not that great compared to the other craft store.
The Pit of Despair
In the darkest part of my mind, there exists a black hole devoid of happiness. I think of it as a pit of despair, for that is what it feels when I fall in. And every so often I do fall, or rather I am pushed over the edge and am forced to climb my way back out.
The Balance Within
Sometimes I wonder how I have survived this long. I suffered from depression as a teenager and have struggled with anger and rage for much of my life. Rage is not uncommon in my family tree: from murders to domestic violence, it is an all too familiar occurrence. And yet somehow I managed to not let it destroy me as it did with so many others.
Saving for the Bleak Future
Originally published on the author’s blog Over the past week, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of reading two “news” articles about how two families are planning for the future and taking control of their finances. I say “unfortunate” because neither of these articles was realistic for low-income households, and I certainly wouldn’t consider either to be newsworthy.
Another Greedy Corporation
Originally published on the author’s blog Over the last several years, I made Amazon purchases through the AmazonSmile program, which meant part of the money was donated to a charity of my choice. I changed charities a few times, with the last one being York County Library System. That has been my chosen AmazonSmile charity for the past few years.
How Did I Get Here, Part 2 of 3
Originally published on the author’s blog When I left the craft store for the bank, I was sure I was making the right decision. The bank had expressed interest in hiring me years earlier when one of my business classes partnered with them to revamp their customer service. The college dean had spoken highly of me to the bank executives and they were impressed with my presentation skills and extensive customer service experience. I was focused on college at the time and politely refused.
How Did I Get Here, Part 1 of 3
Originally published on the author’s blog There really isn’t much to do when you are unemployed. You look at the same jobs everyday — ones you applied to a of couple times and never heard a thing. You check your email and balance your checkbook, and maybe you do some cleaning if the depression over your financial situation hasn’t taken over your brain that day. Maybe you have a few side gigs that pay a few dollars, like writing or taking surveys. Really, you do a lot of thinking about everything.