bharti bansal
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Mental illness and love-hate relationship with corona virus
It was month of November when I first heard about covid-19. It was just another disease that might go on to kill the world but wouldn’t affect me as long as I was in my house, safe, surrounded by pale yellow walls and well, curtains that kept the thoughts of dying away. I could always draw the curtains. I have been depressed for four years now and haven’t had much social interaction with anyone. My friends left me soon after my diagnosis well because they were searching for their purpose in lives and one cannot manage that while having to go back to depressed friend. Soon it was New Year and I had nobody to wish except my family and I didn’t have any plans for 2020. I was after all living under the effects of antidepressants that convinced me that world was a horror game and I was definitely not the hero in this game. So I did what I had been doing for the past four years. Waited for a change. And maybe god really did listen to my prayers sans the fact that he didn’t listen to the part where I was wishing for change in my life and not the entire world. The funny thing about being mentally ill is that nobody dares question your thought process because in their heads you are already crazy. So now that you are thinking that my prayer gone wrong started the covid outbreak, well, it’s better to keep you thinking than put my rational mind to work and clarify the situation. I live in India and this virus hadn’t hit until February. It was always the other country. Just like how aliens always attacked America. But soon the things got out of hand and entire country went into lockdown. Roads were empty and people hoarded the necessary utilities a day before. It was scary, how shops were full of people as if doomsday were near and the last thing people didn’t want were empty stomachs when they died. It makes sense though. The first time we bought oranges during corona, I washed it with Dettol for extra protection!
By bharti bansal3 years ago in Psyche