Alex Lagase
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Sitting with my Thoughts
One year. It has been a year since the world was stood on its head and we accepted our new normal. When during this new normal did I begin to lose my mind? Was it the months of sitting around waiting for news that we can start living again? Was it when what should have been the happiest day of my life, the day I married my wife, came and went and all I felt was nothing. Too be honest that is all that I find inside me now, is nothing. Every day seems like it is on an endless loop wake, try to fake being alive, take some form of narcotic so I can sleep and repeat. I know it will not go on forever but everyday it gets harder and harder to keep moving forward. I was somebody before this, big man on campus. Now it feels like it was all fake and any control that was to be had is gone. Humbled I suppose one could call it, but in my mind it is just defeat. Trapped in the prison of my mind with no hope to get out. Nothing seems to stimulate me. This depression has taken control and my fear is I will never get this monkey off my back. Even writing this it feels as if things will never be the same, the new normal will never be my normal. Where does one now fit in this world? I hold out for hope and that the sun will shine again on our world. I have to hope that we can learn from this that we will better know how much we took for granted. Never will I take my family for granted knowing how much I miss being around them. The endless get together that at the time bordered on tedium are now the things to which I long for.
By Alex Lagase3 years ago in Humans