Mr. Bukowski, I respectfully disagree

It’s important to me that I preface this by saying that I have been a longtime reader and admirer of Bukowski’s writings. There is a delicate yet powerful balance of beauty and pain in the tapestry of twisted words he had weaved together in vulnerability during his lifetime’s work. However, I recently came across this quote as pictured above. It made me think. At first, I was torn to believe that I couldn’t stand by the words of a writer and poet I have loved for so long. Then, I made peace that I am an individual with my own lived experiences separate from the writer in question. I couldn’t help but respectfully disagree so here I am sharing my thoughts. My disagreement doesn’t change my view of him as a writer and poet.

“The ladies usually go for the biggest damn fool they can find; that is why the human stands where it does today”.

I disagree because this statement puts the onus on women in a world where men have had more privileges and it is the same world where society perpetuates a lack of accountability in the general population of men’s (also, women's) ineptitude in emotional intelligence. I do not agree that women's poor choices are the reason why humans stand where it does today. Last time I checked, we still live in a mostly patriarchal society.

Why did Bukowski not blame the “clever and lasting Casanovas, all hollow inside” for manipulating and deceiving women? So is it truly the women’s fault for being deceived and not being discerning enough not to be fooled? That is toxic victim blaming.

Do men not know that one’s actions are their sole responsibility? Is it deeply ingrained in men that women will love and forgive regardless of their actions? Did the patriarchal society decide a long time ago that caretaking and emotions are only for women? I don’t know the exact origin of when, where, why, or how, society, agreed that emotions and showing vulnerability are perceived as “feminine” and therefore for the “weak”. There is a magnitude of power of creation in a biological woman's womb. Both masculine and feminine energies have their powers. It is an act of courage to face one’s fears and shadows and come out for the greater good against the evils of this world.

We can evolve as humans in a way that we teach EVERYONE in society to have empathy and not to deceive others. How about we learn to be accountable and in touch with our emotions to speak our truths while we hone in on our sense of discernment and stand up for the betterment of the whole collective?

The last line “like the chocolate Easter bunnies we foster upon our poor children” is hilarious. This injection of his absurd sense of humour is why I love Bukowski’s writing. Truth be told, I do not enjoy those chocolate Easter bunnies, and that is why I have never been and can never be deceived by any hollow Casanovas. I hop away easily.

A poem in response to Bukowski:

Why would I desire a hollow Casanova?

I belong to a soul who explores

the profundity of light and dark

An unafraid soul who gently speaks of the ways

this world disheartens

yet steadfastly asserts against war

An aching soul who learns to be in loving glory

despite the pains and tribulations

An ardent soul who envisions

the divinity within is

the divinity in all as one

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(Side note: I write here from a heteronormative perspective following his heteronormative perspective. Biologically speaking, it is only eggs + sperm that can procreate and as he put it "breed". I am well aware of the nuances of modern relationships. I respect all forms and dynamics of relationships.)

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