Relationship with Kids and parents

St

a

1. Changing landscape of family

They say it takes a village to raise a child- child-rearing has never been the sole responsibility of the parents. Our ancestors always believed in collective parenting, as Yuval Noah Harari says in his book, "Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind". Family structure has evolved over the years, with families becoming smaller.

Some years ago, family meant the grandparents, mother, father, and children living under the same roof. Gradually, the nuclear family, consisting of parents and their children, became the norm in many countries. Although the joint family system continues to exist in India, many children, especially in urban areas, are growing up in nuclear family units. This means the typical household is no longer a joint family with a large support system. In fact, the community at large has become less involved in helping parents raise their children. Moreover, today, we have different types of families- it's not uncommon for a child to be raised in single-mother, single-father, or same- sex parent households.

The world at large is also grappling with changing gender roles. Traditional gender norms are being broken, as fathers are becoming more involved in parenting and mothers are working harder, managing both office and home. With so many changes happening, how can parents and children thrive?

Both mother and father have to work harmoniously to raise their children. The first step is to identify the parenting philosophies that you and your spouse believe in. These principles could be related to co-sleeping, breastfeeding, discipline, or even schooling. Discuss these parenting strategies and create rules together so that both parents are on the same page. When you disagree on certain issues, talk it out and find a solution based on your shared values and beliefs. In short, each parent may walk differently, what's important is to walk in the same direction.

2. Busy lives put families under pressure

The cost of modernization is a packed daily routine. Most parents go through their days with minimal time for relaxation, leisure, or even sleep. Not just that, mothers and fathers are juggling jobs, household chores, and, of course, parenting. There are added social pressures, such as get-togethers, parties, birthdays that must not be missed, and caring for aging parents. Just a generation ago, spending time together doing " nothing" was considered normal and healthy, but today, it's considered highly unproductive. Every member of the family is expected to utilize their time well, engaged in some activity or the other!

In addition, children are being raised with urgency to accomplish goals and not waste time. Expecting children to excel in everything - from academics to sports and hobbies - can be traumatizing for them. School, homework, extracurricular activities, and screens may overstimulate your children, leaving them physically and emotionally exhausted. Under so much pressure to perform from a young age, it's not surprising that some children think, "I am not good enough".

Amidst such pressures, it's natural for parents and children alike to feel overwhelmed and overburdened. And this takes a toll on family bonding. So, what's to be done?

Solution: Acceptance is the key

3. Parenting in the digital era

Technology, which has invaded every nook and corner of our life, is one of the biggest challenges modern parents face. Parents are working from home, children are exposed to screens because of online classes-and everyone's checking Facebook and Instagram a zillion times a day!

While the initial aim of technology was to bring people closer to each other, emotional connections are becoming few and far between. Face-to-face communication between parents and children has reduced significantly because they're constantly connected to the virtual world of the internet. It's not unusual to see family members spend their time on phones or laptops for hours without talking to each other. Parents are also encouraging their children to become technologically adept. Automation of lives, however, has not led to the automation of emotions. This means that even though the world around us is changing, our emotional needs, especially a child's emotional needs, remain inherently the same. Human touch, hugs, eye contact, and affection can never be replaced.

Kiara, a 4-year- old, was having sleep terrors, almost every night. Her parents were worried. No matter how much they tried to console her, she would cry uncontrollably. Finally, her parents sought professional help and found out that a popular age- appropriate cartoon show she had been watching was actually filled with storylines not suited to a 4-year- old. Kiara's parents stopped her from watching TV, and she wasn't allowed any screen time at all. The little girl didn't understand why this happened. She begged her parents to let her watch TV and use screens, but her parents remained firm. Soon, the night terrors stopped.

Do you think Kiara's parents' approach was correct? Would you have done it differently? Truth is, there are no rights or wrongs. After all, each of us has different ideas about raising our children. And you can't adopt a simple all-or- nothing approach. While setting screen- time limits is ideal, it's difficult to ascertain what the limits are. So, how do you stop worrying and decide what amount of screen time will work for your child?

Solution: Set rules for your child and for yourself too!

4. My parenting is better than yours

Every day, we're swamped by information overload- online articles, emails, tweets, posts, videos, and whatnot. No wonder today's parents are more informed, more educated, and, well, more competitive as well. A familiar refrain is that every parent must conform to a particular parenting style and somehow, try to outdo each other. Backed by internet research, every parent is convinced that their parenting style is the best. That makes us think about whether the goal behind adopting a parenting style is to raise the child in the best manner or to be the " best parent"?

There's no single definition of a " good parent", just as there's no perfect way of raising your child. But nowadays, society expects parents to:

raise well-rounded children who must be good at everything

provide children with not only the basic necessities but also the best lifestyle (e.g., holidays) and a variety of extracurricular activities

excel in their own career, and spend quality time with children

create an ambiance of peace and harmony at home

nurture children with utmost attention and care

A few generations ago, parents only had to take care of their child's basic survival needs (e.g., food and clothing) and that would be enough to make them " good parents". But the scenario is so much different today! So how do you become a good parent?

Solution: Trust your instincts