The Numbers Don't Look Good, But That's Not a Bad Thing

I've got to tell you all I've considered the numbers, and they are not looking very good. I am not a fan of numbers at the best of times, so don't expect a full-on dissection of just how bad the numbers are. We will briefly discuss that and then move on.

I joined Vocal in March 2021. I don't remember it being that long ago, but my profile helpfully tells me it was, so there you go. There was then a big gap, In which I mostly read and liked things, and when comments came through, I commented on things.

First Time Publishing on Vocal

Then, on May 15, 2022, I published two pieces, "Writing Under My Own Name for the First Time Really" and "Unexpected Villain of the Piece." The second of those stories actually scored my first Top Story.

I then published a piece called "Goodnight, Nonna, Goodbye, One of the Main Link to My Family" on May 20. I got a Top Story for the follow-up to that piece called "Why You Should Proofread Again...and Again!" published on May 23, 2022. In this short publishing run, the final piece was my first proper foray into poetry as an adult. Sharing it with others, a dark piece called "Untitled 1 (Wasted Life)" because it appears back then I had as much problem naming pieces as I do now.

They were all well enough received. Better than I expected. Owning to my experience as a content writer, I was still determining what to expect. I had never really shared fiction with anyone before. This was my opportunity to write more fiction, earn some money, win some challenges, and build a following. You know - the usual reasons. Then poetry attacked me and forever imprisoned me in a battle with words I couldn't break free from. Which is evident from that description.

There then followed a massive gap that included some of the worst things I have done in my life, which is ironic in a very sad and painful way, since the "Unexpected Villain of the Piece" article was all about becoming the villain in my own story of life in the years previous to 2022.

The Restart

I started again, with my first challenge entry into the Full Moon Challenge, called "Gillian Anderson and I", which was based on a very real, very fruity, but oddball dream I had with The X-Files star back in the 90s when I had a big crush on her. Thus began my long-ass up-and-down, rollercoaster relationship with Vocal, the Top Stories curation team and the challenges judges. As I was constantly losing. There have been 69 challenges, from the Full Moon Challenge to Sensational II.

61 Top Stories, various Leaderboard placements, and how many wins? One. "Tektal's Around The World Drinking Session" for the Extraterrestrial challenge. I know many who have yet to have those numbers and have never won a challenge, so I am not complaining. Not really. The numbers are significant because the numbers show that there are better ways to make money, as many will already have figured out. Not a solid, reliable way anyway. I have published 891 pieces, including this one. So, it could be better when you look at it from the numbers point of view.

One win from 69 challenges does not look particularly good, either.

The Point

But this is the whole point. Does it really matter? I am not super rich, so any money for something I enjoy doing would be greatly appreciated, and the extra exposure is all welcome. Of course, it would. But what has become abundantly clear to me over the last few years, especially when I have been most active, is that I love writing, win or lose. Why would I let a little thing of 1 win in 69 challenges stop me from writing? Or does not getting all the Top Stories I think I deserve to make me want to stop doing something I love? I was not a poet or even poet-adjacent before Vocal. Now, it's what I'd classify myself as.

I see things the same way about my first self-published book (yes, that was bound to come up), The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection, available on Amazon in paperback and digitally. Have I sold a stunning number of copies? I have not. Have I become a World Bestselling Author? Of course not. Did I sell more than I expected with next to no marketing plan (as it was just done on a whim to see what it might be like to have a book with my name on it)? Yes. A lot more than I was expecting. (I still don't know all who bought it as the number of sales doesn't match the number of reviews I've received on Amazon, but C'est la vie, as they say in wee Paris.

Will I do another book? - I've been threatening it for a while and will. I have a smaller book of senryu I plan to release of my series "scratches in my mind" and for my NaNoWriMo attempt this year I am going to work on my long-in-the-back-of-my-mind horror/mystery/psychological thriller anthology, which eventually I want to release as a book. So yeah. Despite the fact I am not on everyone's bookshelf, I am still going to do more. Because I love writing.

I have yet to venture beyond Vocal, and I am still planning on doing so because I love writing and want to see what might happen if I try. That is the point. I love writing.

I know only too well that I have a war inside me between my arrogant "I'm the best, and if I'm not, I should be" side and just the guy who wants to make you laugh, cry, scratch your chin, jump out of your skin, and have sleepless nights for a week or two. But to be clear, I appreciate anyone who bothers to read my stories, poems, thought pieces, essays, and articles like this.

"Write because you love writing!" - Paul Stewart, asshole, poet, writer and Scottish-Italian.

I wanted to share these thoughts after another depressing loss in a challenge because I know there are many others like me. I wanted to remind those people and anyone that the winning, the success and all that other crap should be secondary. It really should. You should write first because you love it. The numbers, especially on this platform, will only meet some's expectations like mine don't meet mine, but that's okay.

Just write.