The miraculous ups and downs of book writing.

Hello Vocal!

Yes, I am once again returning from my hiatus to briefly talk about what exactly it is that I've been working on! I'm proud to announce that as of today, I've just published my first (full-length) novel! So if you'll indulge me, I'd love to take a moment to reflect on everything. Because I know there are many other people here on their writing journeys, and perhaps they will find a crumb of encouragement here.

Writing a book is hard, but finishing a book is harder...

As some of you may know, I got back into writing as a pandemic coping mechanism. Everything was chaotic, and writing little poems and stories was the venting and escape I so desperately needed. So around this time, I created my Vocal account, and this is also when I started writing The Spirit Guide.

While I had started many novels previously, this time, I had a goal of actually finishing a novel. So I set out a writing goal of 600 words/day. I allowed myself to write more if I was feeling good, but I always had to at least write 600 words. And this amount really ended up being perfect for me, as it gave me a push to write, but an easy point to bail if I was not having fun that day. I wasn't perfect at maintaining this goal, and I took a large break from the book around the halfway point. But all and all, I finished the first draft in December, 2022.

So then of course, the elephant in the room...

Why did it take so many years to actually publish the thing?

There's a couple of things that happened between 2022 and today that both set me back, and pushed me forward.

• The writer's desire for traditional publishing
• Learning the ropes of self-publishing
• Life (the good & bad)

So, as always, let's chat about it.

The Debate Between Traditional and Self Publishing

Like many writers who hold their first manuscript in their hands, I initially set out to traditionally publish The Spirit Guide. In December of 2022, I created a query letter and sent it off to a series of agents and small-presses. I couldn't tell you how many I sent to (as my approach was frankly a bit haphazard), but I can tell you I got a lot of rejections and non-responses.

I mention this because for many people, the journey would have ended here. And if I'm being honest, the journey ended here for me for a little while too. I think it's easy to think that a rejection is a personal thing, and being rejected multiple times was a divine sign that my book wasn't a good one. You yourself might read this article, and might think the same... that this book must've not really been that good.

Maybe you're right.

But maybe you're wrong.

Maybe we are always wrong when we don't believe in ourselves. Maybe we are always wrong when we need the external validation of someone or something else to tell us what stories are and are not worth putting out in the world.

So after years of thinking the book would just gather dust in the corner of a hard drive, I decided to believe in my own work. I thought a lot about self-publishing before deciding to pull the trigger. I edited my book extensively, polished it into something I could be proud of again, and I decided to let it roam free into the world.

Well... after a few more things happened...

The Learning Curves

An eagle-eyed and attentive observer might read this article with a few questions...

They might say, "But Bri, you've already published two books!"

And... yes... yes I have.

You may have read my vocal articles, where I already have discussed self-publishing a horror novella and an illustrated poetry book (and if not, well, surprise!).

And here is where I reveal a dirty truth. When I decided to publish The Wailings (my first published book, the horror novella), a large part of my motivation was simply to learn about how self-publishing worked in a lower pressure way. This was a shorter book, meaning all costs were lower for formatting, proofreading, printing... and quite frankly I didn't know what I was doing, so having a smaller project helped.

I made mistakes. For example, did you know, your cover designer will want to know what your spine length is, so you should maybe have the book formatted beforehand?

But these mistakes helped me learn the ins and outs, and gave me the confidence to tackle a larger project. I was so much better at creating a timeline for publication the second time around, and I had built a network of professionals who I knew I would be happy to work with again. I also had already traveled through the incredible highs and lows of having your book rated 5-stars (and 1-star) by complete strangers. It toughened me up, taught me a lot, and prepared me for the future.

The Spirit Guide was precious to me, but also loaded with my preconceived notions of it's "worthiness" to publish. The Wailings offered me a fresh start: it was both a story I loved and a story I never tried to publish traditionally. It was quite literally made to be self-published, so I felt a little less guilty laying her on the altar of Amazon KDP. And to this day, I'm proud of that book, and I value the lessons she taught me. And in more ways than one, she paved the way for what was to come.

Life (good & bad)

You'll have to forgive me if I skip over the bad things in this article (as those are not the point). I've talked a little about my experiences with grief and writing before on vocal. But the thing is... life is messy and complicated, and things will happen to you that no one prepared you for. It's okay to take time for yourself, and your sadness, and your healing. It's okay to simply focus on the things in your life necessary for survival and not have anything extra left to give. It's okay.

Forgive yourself.

Then when you're ready, try again.

So, in December of 2025, I decided I was ready to try again. I had more experience under my belt, I had more energy to give, and I had the feeling that I needed to publish this book to move forward as a writer. I drew up a 5 month plan to edit the book, send it to beta readers, clean it up more, and then finally... publish it.

But you know what else happened to make me publish this book? I realized something.

The biggest hindrance to my publishing this book, was not actually the choice to publish, or the things that happened in my life, or really anything else I've led you to believe up until now.

(I lied.)

The truth is... It was me.

It was my poor self-esteem, my perfectionism, my fear of rejection stopping me. I was my biggest enemy, and the biggest obstacle in my own way for putting myself and my work out there. Once I realized that, I realized that I didn't want to be the negative force in my own life. Instead, I wanted to be my own champion. And it started with this.

I made a pact with myself that I would finally do the terrifying thing of releasing this story into the wild. I think it's hard to let go of something when that thing is so personal and so close to the heart. It could get criticized, or mocked, or rated poorly. But maybe, just maybe, it will also end up in the hands of someone else who connects with the work, and for a little while, maybe they won't feel so alone in this big wide world.

And that's worth the risk, don't you think?

So here we are, being brave.

So what's this book even about?

What kind of independent author would I be if I didn't include at least one tiny plug for the book?

The Spirit Guide is a young adult fantasy, set in the Human World and the parallel Spirit World. When Maia’s mother, the Matriarch of the spirit guides, is consumed by an infected spirit, Maia finds herself unintentionally bonded to her mother’s spirit familiar, a shape-shifting white fox named Jojo. Maia and Jojo must journey together into the Spirit World to find the All-Seer, a legendary spirit said to watch over lost souls.

The Spirit Guide not only explores young Maia’s quest to find the All-Seer, but also paints an intimate picture of complex mother/daughter relationships, adolescent insecurities, and personal growth. It is not only an adventure, but also a love letter to my younger self filled with rich imagery and fantastical elements.

Where can I find it?

If you're interested, you can buy it here!

(If not, totally cool, I still appreciate you being here and reading about my journey)

Thanks for Reading <3

Here's some of the other articles I wrote on the subject of self-publishing, if you're interested in other parts of my personal experience: