The Exchange

I am by no means a great writer. That's not me being modest, it is the truth. I look at some of ya'll works with mad envy and wish I could articulate my thoughts just as good, but I haven't quite gotten there yet. I am working on it though, and my first step was "The Exchange".

The story came about though misery and an attempt to try something new. I decided I hated my job and I wanted to become a writer, a dream I long fantasized about. I have stories for days, but no talent nor training in the liberal arts field. In fact I loathed my liberal arts courses growing up, because I hadn't been able to read well until I was in middle school. Actually, I am still not the best reader. At a glance I read words out wrong all the time and have to reread what I am looking at, so I couldn't quit a job that paid the bills to peruse a dream I knew nothing about. I wasn't even sure how adept I could be at it. I had to start somewhere, though.

I had dabbled a few times with online course about writing processes, but nothing really stuck and I figured it was mostly because I hadn't practiced in an arena where I could get feedback. In an effort to remedy that, I took to the internet to find a community. A quick google search yielded me Vocal. I spent a few days clicking on the link and looking at the sign up screen; afraid I would waste my money. Would I say I am going to fix myself and then tell myself I am too tired or busy to go on? It felt like it would turn out like a gym membership so I dwelt in limbo on the decision.

What changed my mind? It was an existential crisis combined with a hangover. I made enough money to afford a comfortable lifestyle, but I felt negatively stimulated on the daily and I felt unfulfilled. This was the rest of my life and maybe I couldn't make money writing, but maybe it could fulfill me a bit and bring some joy to my miserable existence. With this thinking in mind I signed up with vocal and was immediately drawn to their owl challenge.

I submitted "The Exchange" to the Owl challenge with high hopes it would be a smashing success and I would never have to sell cars again. The story follows a mother pulling bits of an immortal creature to another monster, who is holding her daughter hostage. I tried to build suspense and create a powerful ending, but the word count constrained the draw out and made the end a bit rushed. Again, if I had the talent, maybe I could build that suspense in fewer sentences, but all in all for a first attempt it got several reads and it did hype me up and introduce me to the writing world.

I of course did not win, but I learned somethings. The main take home for me was that I needed to give myself more time. Getting ideas on paper was only a step. A masterpiece rarely flows from a pen or keyboard on the first stroke. Editing is very much necessary and not something I had done. It was blaringly obvious after I summitted it and reread it. The mistakes glared at me. I felt stabs of humiliations as well when the feedback came. Grammar, syntax, and spelling have always been my bane. However, there are many writing tools through word and online sources that can help if I take the time to look through it.

Another reason I need to give myself time is to let the story breath. While the feelings and ideas of writing are fresh in my mind I tend to skim over my mistakes more. I know what I meant to write and tend to mentally place them where I thought they should go. After a few days I can read it with similar eyes to my readers and realize, dear lord, I am missing words or using the wrong words, or I am saying things ass backwards.

I still miss a lot though and some of it is just my short comings. I am not great with grammar. I never understood it, the way some people never understand math. My work around is copying and pasting on google docs, then grammarly and of course beg people to take a look at it for a final review.

The greatest take away I learned, though, was just keep writing. Like Dorie, I just have to keep trucking otherwise I will never get there. As someone once told me, "you can't edit it if you haven't written it." Even though I am hard on myself I still have to remember that I took the steps to make the journey and should be proud of myself.

Overall, I am not satisfied with my work yet, but with a yet there is still hope. Each piece I put out I learn something. With each step forward I get a bit better and where I fail I take it as an opportunity. The Exchange may not have been my best work, but it was a stepping stone to my greatest work.