Thankfulness And Appreciation

Thanksgiving is around the corner a time for reflection for us Americans eat until we are in a thanksgiving coma. It's also a time I've heard is for Family. I know one thing is for sure I am going to be mothers house for thanksgiving officially banned like God Almighty. I have come to the realisation after looking at an old message from my half sister that I'm just not a member of the family. I don't blend in well with the Blackwell family.

So, minus the family dysfunctional life I can spend the holiday as a leap year until my husband is home for good.

While everyone is having the norm Rockwell family Thanksgiving I am going to watch Miracle in 34th street the classic and the newer one which is my far my favourite.

While everyone enjoys that perfect holiday I am going to be waiting for that leap year to be over.

Though there is the question that I have what is it gratitude? I mean thanksgiving was the wiping out of one culture so another nation can take over another one. I have a project for myself to design my own new customised Day Planner for 2024.

I'm thinking about counting my blessings and making a gratitude entry on Vocal. I'm thinking about projects I can work on to grow my numbers on my audience for me writing.

The Leap Year of the holidays seasons like a logical idea because of my husband not being home.

Everything has been so difficult this year so many ups and downs. All it is twists and turns nothing makes sense right now. The normal long distance arguments wanting to donate Plasma btu can't believe of my weight going up and down. I hate my stress level, I hate feeling like nothing is good enough.

The arguments ringing in my ear, and the past arguments of my childhood. Arguing constantly about money. Between college, writing, and trying to find a job I actually love it's been such a struggle.

I'm not in the holiday spirit. I don't feel like I'm good enough right now. Thinking like the anger just escalates inside and have to hide it inside.

Sometimes I hate being a goody toe shoes, it bothers me because nice women finish last.

I learned something about marriage the first two years are the roughed even when you marry your best friend. When you are apart not by choice but by fate awaiting for his green card right in the middle of financial instability trying to pull yourself out all by yourself it's never easy the constant struggle.

When all you want is him by your side with nothing to worry about because your not alone. Even though I know I'm never alone I miss my husband. Our home is to quiet always.

I've been married to my husband for two years but I've been together with him for 7 years.

My stress level has been so high I can't donate plasma because I'm so worried about the finances.

It's just been so hard lately, I think what's so hard for me is I want to succeed for my family and when I fail or something doesn't happen right away it hurts. I'm trying so hard to move up in the world doing everything I can to get better not jsut in college, but mostly my writing. So when I don't win a challenge on vocal something I have been trying to do since 2020 it can be very distressing and disappointing.

I have a lot to accomplish on vocal please join me on that journey by subscribing to me, liking my article and showing your support by leaving a tip.