Paul and John's 47-Words Short Story Unofficial Challenge Results!

Apologies, apologies, apologies! Paul and I have finally extracted ourselves from weeks in virtual confinement in our efforts to judge 53 stellar entries to the 47-word short story unofficial challenge, 54 if you include Harper's 2nd entry (which we did not, sorry Harper, rules may be for chumps, but they are still rules).

So, yes, apologies, especially from me, as I procrastinated over this for longer than was necessary. Grief, sadness, depression, sleeplessness, and my Dad's first anniversary all factor into it, and so I am grateful for you not getting too irritated or grumpy for the delay. I've been having a hard time sticking to working on things in the most sensible order, and have been led more by where my mind has allowed me to go.

I really need to thank John for picking up the ball that I left at the yard line, which means he had quite a race before getting to the goal or touchdown spot or whatever. Sports metaphor, yay. I know he'd rather I not make a big thing out of it, but I'm going to, not to embarrass the fella, but just to show my appreciation and so y'all know the solid he did for me, when I didn't even ask him. So apart from the next two lines, all my additions to John's write-up are in {}.

So, back to the challenge. Yeah, Harper. Rules are rules, and this is the little I have control over right now, so petty ruling is in. And that's where any vague comparisons to that orange ass start and finish.

I was blown away. I often say that, and it's always true. But this time. I really mean it on a different level. 53 official entries is fucking amazing and made me as heartened and warm inside as it did awe-inspired and then absolutely filled with dread knowing it was our job to choose a winner.

We think that may be a record, but we will need to verify that with Mikeydred, the keeper of the unofficial challenge list. To say the least, selecting the winners and runner-ups was a smashing process in the sense that both of us spent a lot of time smashing our heads against the wall to come up with three winners and at least 10 runner-ups amongst so many exceptional stories. Turns out we should have smashed our heads a little longer since we ended up with five winners and 11 runner-ups. Seems like math is a problem for both of us.

(We are word men. They come to us for words, not maths. Go elsewhere with your strange-shaped non-letter things that may as well be hieroglyphics - a word that I never can spell on a first try)

We both observed that on Tim Cunningham's recent time travel unofficial challenge, he convinced three people who were not Tim to judge it. What we wish to know, Tim, is matters of remuneration. Was this an expensive proposition? If not, we may need to borrow them in future unofficial challenges to avoid spending countless hours trying to separate the wonderful from the merely excellent. It seems we are not as well-connected in the world of clever, judgy people as he is.

Although some of the arcane methods we used in our judgy efforts are best kept secret (fingers and toes were involved), we ended up spending too much time trying to determine our third-place winner. In the end we begrudgingly agreed to a three-way tie.

{Fingers, toes, and snot-filled nose}

We saw a lot of different approaches to the challenge from our witty entrants. A surprising number of you keyed in on the symbolism of the number 47, with often laugh-out-loud satire. We also had a Homeric entry, a Biblical entry featuring the apostles Paul and John (wink, wink; thanks Katherine for the laugh!), horror, massage (is that a genre?), comedy, sci-fi, family drama, dystopia, etc, etc.

We did not show favouritism to any specific genre, however. So, without further ado, let's present the winners!

Third Place Three-Way Tie!

In the three-way tie for third place and winners of $5 each, or more importantly, a kiss from Megan Fox or Andy Serkis as Gollum, and in no particular order:

So I couldn't arrange a kiss with either of these two, so here's Andy Serkis reading tweets by Donald Trump on Stephen Colbert's show, fast forward to the 4-minute mark to skip the interview:

Sam Spinelli - To The Letter

Those of you who read Sam know that he is a lore master, a friend to the little guy, as well as downright gifted in the horror genre. In his brilliant story To the Letter, he introduces the true horror potential of grammar. Check it out. We are confident that you will be as impressed as we are. {I love anything that messes with grammatical pedantry, so Sam was onto a high placement potential from the start.}

Matthew J. Fromm - Into The Great Beyond

Matthew is a jack of all genres: he can make you laugh, transport you to new worlds, trigger the waterworks, or, in his story The Great Beyond, remind you that the universe is one huge, scary unknown till you experience the actual terrifying knowing. Matthew understands that monsters are scarier in our imagination than on the page, and he works that angle for all its worth. Give it a peek and try not to wet yourself. {Jack of all genres is a good way to describe Matty. So it was no surprise that he tried for a straight-up Sci-Fi horror thing.}

Paul Aaron Domenick - Father Hello

Paul is new to Vocal, and his entry to the unofficial challenge demonstrates that we will hear a lot more from him in the future. Father Hello is a poetic story that will simply break your heart in 47 words and echo in your thoughts long after you read it. Take a few minutes to read and meditate on his message. {Paul writes pieces from his heart, with eloquence and a real edge. His presence is a welcome one on the platform.}

Second Place

Second place and winner of $10, or more importantly, a sweaty kiss from a panda:

Here is a video with a bad panda kiss from Kung Fu Panda:

Tim Cunningham - The Last Bite

Both a published poet and cookbook author, Tim has already demonstrated that he is a talent to be reckoned with after a little more than a year on Vocal. He is one of those rare writers who can awaken a place and time in the reader's imagination and weave a message with your heartstrings. The Last Bite is a horror story so effective that after reading it, you'll be inspecting your meals with fork and knife in the foreseeable future. We definitely recommend reading it, just not while you're eating. {There were many memorable pieces, but this one stayed with me longer than most. Because, despite its short word count - wonder whose fault that was? - it was just brilliantly executed. It reminded me of the 90s French movie, Delicatessen, a little at least. Great work, Tim.}

First Place Winner

First place and winner of $20, or more importantly, a ‘struggle cuddle’ with a weightlifter:

Harper Lewis - Of Troy

Like Tim, Harper is relatively new to Vocal, less than a year, and she has already posted 357 poems/stories! She is setting Vocal on fire with erudition, and profound poesy, and storytelling chops. But in her winning story she proves that she can even tackle the impossible with aplomb.

It takes a special kind of talent to even consider tackling the Iliad/Odyssey cycle alone, never mind doing it in only 47 words. But to do that well and connect it to the current state of the world simply blew our wee minds. Give it a read. We are confident that it will blow both wee and capacious minds alike. {I was just as awestruck as John, though I wasn't surprised that Harper took on something Ancient Greek, as I know that's her jam. A worthy winner, given the constraints and how she made them work to her advantage. Well done, winner, winner, chicken dinner.}

Honourable Mentions

Rebekah Conrad - Prodigal Daughter

Kelli Amsden-Sheckler - Books and Covers

Julie Lacksonen - Sibling Rivalry

Dharrsheena Raja Segarran - Weaponized Incompetence

Sara Wilson - The Furry Thief

Sean A. - Challenge Accepted

LC Schafer - Earbuds: Nasty Little Fuckers

Annie Kapur - The Insult

Mack Ames - Treed

Calvin London - It’s Not Working

Andrew C McDonald - CPR

{I wanted to say on behalf of us both, thank you very much for playing along and taking part. As melodramatic as we may have acted about the number of entries, it is an honour and a privilege to see the support. If I were in a better mindset, I wanted to write out a little bit of wordings for each entry, to show my appreciation. But next time I shall. I would encourage everyone to go to the original challenge post and read through them all. They are only 47 words and all completely worth it in their own way.}

Till next time!