PAGES for PAIN

Most people love journaling, and yeah, I do too… but I’m not that consistent, “write-every-day” type of person.

I mostly write when I’m overwhelmed, sad, confused, or just mentally all OVER the place. Like when my emotions are acting up and I don’t even know what’s going on inside ME. When I’m happy or life’s going fine, I don’t really feel the need to write it down.

But that doesn’t mean I’m NOT grateful. I am. I just show it differently, you know? Like talking to God (ALLAH) in my OWN random way while praying, sometimes with tears, sometimes just sitting there quietly thinking “wow, this is exactly what I asked for.” Those moments hit different.

The thing is, writing about painful stuff actually helps in the moment. It feels like I’m dumping everything OUT of my chest and I can breathe a little. But then… after some time, I go back and read those entries (and honestly, I have no idea why I keep doing that).

And yeah, it messes me up every single time.

I read those words and suddenly I’m right back there, feeling everything AGAIN like nothing ever passed.

SAME pain,

SAME heaviness,

SAME emotions.

And I just sit there, crying over things I thought I had already moved on from. It’s kinda exhausting, ngl.

That’s why sometimes I wonder if journaling is even for me.

Like, should I keep doing this or just keep everything between ME and God instead of writing it down?

Because sometimes it feels like I’m just reopening OLD wounds for no reason and making myself feel WORSE.

And I’m not even sure if I’m gonna post this or just leave it sitting in drafts like always lol.

I’m not really used to sharing personal stuff like this. Not because I’m scared of being judged, but because I don’t usually let people in like that.

I overLOVE,

overFEEL,

overTHINK…

and it gets a bit too much sometimes. So I try to keep my distance and have boundaries.

But yeah… somehow those boundaries don’t always STAY where they should and always slip away a little.