Our Literary Life

Opening credits and theme music.

Cue: lights, camera, audience, applause

Good evening and welcome to Our Literary Life, the show that brings you the best books and most awesome authors, then pulls their work to pieces.

Cue: audience laughs

Tonight... I'd like you to welcome our panellists… Jocasta, Tarquin and Reginald.

Cue: applause

Our literary life for this evening is the recently deceased author Raymond G. Taylor. A man of many talents. Question is: were any of them literary?

Cue: audience laughs

Jocasta, I'll start with you. As his literary agent, you perhaps knew Raymond better than anyone.

Camera switch to Jocasta

Thank you Jerry, it is a pleasure and delight to be on your show. Yes, I certainly knew Ray and his work.

Eyes on Jerry

How did you first meet?

Back to Jocasta

Oh, online of course. Being short of clients at the time, I ran one of those email marketing offers to unpublished authors who needed a little help getting into print. You know the kind of thing. AI summary of the prospect's work, enhanced picture of me, an attractive, middle-aged, booky female, with a broad smile, low neckline... the usual kind of stuff...

Jerry (astonished voice)

And he fell for it?

Jocasta

Apparently, yes. And I'm so glad he did, because I really enjoyed reading Ray's book… well, when I eventually got around to it. Not the kind of clichéd drivel I usually get to handle. Witty, searching, quirky, original and, somehow, quite... well... quite... quite engaging...

Tarquin pipes up

Engaging? You mahst be joking dahling...

Jerry, encouraging the intervention...

You disagree with Jocasta's take... you didn't like... er.... (eyes flicker to autocue) Raymond's work?

Tarquin

Ahhhbsolutely not! Utter tripe! I only met him briefly, at a local business gathering. When I said I worked at Fable and Fable, he gave me a rather tatty copy of his... his... book, if you can call it that, and asked me if I would care to read it. I only read the first few pages. All about some mystery man who pops up at the Institute of Directors and creates a kerfuffle. A poor excuse for a mystery and the worst example of POV writing I have ever read. Siiimply... Ghhhaaastly.

Jocasta

I have to disagree with you there, Tarquin. I wouldn't say that Out of Oblivion was a poor example of a mystery at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think the work is highly original in its approach to what has become an overworked formula. It is clear to me that the author led a masterful journey of discovery that was enticing, exciting, and thoroughly entertaining. Quite unputdownable.

Jerry, turning to Ronald

Ronald, perhaps you could help us. What did you think of the book?

Camera on Ronald

What? Er... oh yes... the book. Oh... er... I haven't read it.

Back to Jerry

Ah, yes… moving swiftly on then… Ronald, am I right in thinking you came across the author when you were in prison?

Ronald

Hmmm… yes… that. Just a little misunderstanding with the tax office, I can assure you.

Jerry

But you did meet him? When he was working at your prison as a prison officer?

Ronald

Well… so they say... but it’s hard to tell one officer from another. They all wear the same uniform. To me, they were all just white shirts.

Jerry

Oh, okay, but didn't it surprise you to find a talented author among the prison workforce.

Ronald

Well, I guess it might have done if I had found one.

Jerry

Fine, thanks. For the benefit of the audience, Raymond G. Taylor worked in Pentonville Prison, known as a tough local London jail, from 2008 until 2013. Then, he moved on to the Ministry of Justice in London as a government policy official, advising on prison security. Jocasta, don't you find it a little surprising that he did not write more about prison life?

Jocasta

Well he did write a couple of short stories based on his fictitional prison creation, HMP Brompton Park, but nothing came of it. I think he was concerned that he should not spill the beans when it came to official secrets, and sensitive and confidential information, he had access to in his role. In a way, it's a shame, as I am sure there are so many stories he could have told... perhaps if his life hadn't been cut short...

Jerry

Thank you Jocasta and that's just the point, isn't it? Ray had spent most of his life writing. His first sustained career began in 1987, when he took up a role as a magazine journalist with such trade publications as Electronics Weekly. It was clear that he had found his vocation, although this was not his first job, and he had worked in a variety of jobs since he left school in 1976.

Jocasta

Yes, that's quite right, Jerry. Ray told me how, during his time working in the business press, he had contributed freelance articles to such UK publications as the Daily Telegraph, Mail on Sunday and the London Evening Standard. He spoke proudly of how, in the 1990s, he had reviewed one of the first handheld GPS devices for BBC Focus magazine. From that point, however, his interest switched to online publishing.

Jerry

Yes, and am I right in thinking he set up some pioneering online publications?

Jocasta

Well, yes. In 1994 or 5, I think it was, he was instrumental in early attempts by print publishers to exploit the online medium, and not without success. He even set up his own 'online magazine' as he called it, for those interested in the history of submarine warfare.

Jerry

Was it any good?

Jocasta

Who knows... the platform that hosted the magazine deleted his account and it ended there.

Jerry

Nothing came of it then?

Jocasta

No, but he did show me an article he once wrote for a military history magazine. Read by nerdy model making and battle reanactment types. The article was about a Confederate submarine discovered in Charleston Harbour.

Jerry

Interesting, was it?

Jocasta

Dull as ditch water. You can still read it, if you like. Here's the link... Oh! Looks like his current online host has deleted the story too.

Tarquin

Now, that's an article of Taylor's that I have read. Gotta give the fella his due. It was a thoroughly researched and accurately written story. I have relatives in South Carolina and have visited the Hunley Museum. That's the submarine he wrote about, the C.S.S. Hunley. The submerged wreck has since been salvaged and is on display in the museum. I found a copy of Taylor's article in the archive there.

Jocasta

Well, I am glad to hear you have a good word to say about Ray, Tarquin.

Tarquin smiles, benignly

Jerry

While we are on the subject of online publishing, let's consider the question of why Raymond's focus was all online, to the detriment of us book lovers. Did he shun books, or was it just that he had no success with publishers... well, until after his death of course?

Ronald

Aha! Now you mention it, Jerry, I have actually seen a print book published by the author. It was on my way here. I took the train from Elmer's End Station in suburban Kent and found a copy of a book... well more of a booklet really, with his name on it.

Jerry

Do you have it with you?

Ronald

No, but I'll see if it's still there when I go back

Jocasta

As it happens, I do have a copy at home. Ray used booklets like this with examples of his short stories to try to drum up interest in his online work. He did, however, self-publish a number of Kindle and paperback books through Amazon's KPD service.

Jerry

Well, did he get anywhere with these self-published books.

Jocasta

No, not really, told me he had sold 200 copies, in all. The most successful of these, it seems, was a book he wrote in 2017, explaining how to solve Sudoku puzzles. None of his books were ever submitted to a proper publisher, or to an agent.

Jerry

Nothing, then, until you discovered him.

Jocasta

That's right, Jerry and, even then, he was reluctant to allow me to submit his work to my publishing contacts. Said he was too old to be sending begging letters to publishers. In the end, I managed to convince him to go trad publishing.

Jerry

How did you do that?

Jocasta

I got him a $30,000 advance from Random Cottage. Tragically, he had passed away before the book had been released.

Jerry

Tragically for the author, but must have been a godsend to Random Cottage's marketing department.

Jocasta

Well, to be fair, that is exactly what got the name Raymond G. Taylor on the pre-publication best-seller list for Out of Oblivion. The whole thing about his sad demise, just at the point of success, got picked up by a young online influencer with a following of millions.

Jerry

What happened to the $30,000 advance?

Jocasta

I still have the cheque in my pocket.

Jerry

Well why don't you give it to him, then?

Jerry turns to the studio audience

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Will you please put your hands together and give a warm welcome to the late, and soon to be great, author Raymond G. Taylor

A ghostly apparition appears to mount the platfrom and join the panel on stage

Jerry

Raymond, hello, and you are most welcome

Spectral Raymond

Thank you Jerry, it's great to be here... well, perhaps not so great given...

Jerry

It's great to have you Raymond. What do you think of our panel's analysis of your life and work.

Raymond

I am flattered and honoured that they should even read my work. And I am truly delighted to learn that my first book to be published by a proper publisher has made the best-seller list.

Jerry

Well, Raymond, you should know that here, in the afterlife, everything is possible.

Raymond

Yes, and yet, shame it couldn't have really happened, I mean when I was alive and everything seemed so impossible.

Jerry

You have of course the whole of eternity to ponder that conundrum.

Raymond

Yes, I suppose I have.

Jerry

That's great, Raymond, and now... it is time to thank our panellists and thank you to our special guest...

Cue: Applause

Jocasta

Wait! What about Ray’s cheque?

Jerry

Oh that! Sorry Ray but, as you know, you can’t take it with you. And finally, Ray, it is time for you to take your bow.

Raymond Grenville Taylor, author, 1959-[****(censored by celestial record keeping department data protection registry)] .....

THIS WAS YOUR LIFE!

Camera follows as author shuffles off the stage (and this mortal coil) followed by some dubious looking characters wearing midnight black, skin-tight, catsuits, razor-edged tails, and carrying tridents and sulphur bombs.

What do you think?

Join the panel of Our Literary Life and give your views on Ray's work

• Read: The first few pages of Out of Oblivion. Is it "utter tripe" as Tarquin says?

• Read: Hunley. Do you agree with Jocasta that it is "dull as ditch water"?

• Read: About the book that Reginal left on the shelf. Would you have?

• Read: About Ray's life behind bars. Making the most of his time inside.

Better still!

Why not buy one of Ray's books, boosting sales by 0.5% instantly? Better, even than that. Buy two and add a full 1.0% to his book sales record

Thanks for reading

Ray Taylor

The very much alive (at time of publication) author