My Christmas Memories

Most of my Christmas memories weren't all that. In fact, I forgot most of them because for most people Christmas is that one time out of the year when they get to see their family members. For me, however, I'm glad I don't get to see mine.

However, when I was a little girl Christmas was the most magickal time of year. It was a time I saw family I never seen in a year. It was a time when I didn't know what I know how. A time of innocents, before the world got it's hands on me. It was also the time before my sister was born. I can remember I led a sheltered life and I didn't know what I know now.

I was naive to say the least.

Look back at everything my only memory I could recall is sitting on my uncles lap while watching Disney's 101 Dalmations the animated one. Him bouncing me on his lap.

The secrets of everything around me in shure whispers nothing mattered just my uncle and me spending time together.

Then again the 90s was pretty simple then.

The perfection of Christmas shrouded with lies we tell ourselves. All of these things, we try to hide it from our children. But the toxic nature of some families can't protect them forever.

Looking back now on every Christmas from my early childhood, verses now I am thinking how stupid I was to think why can't every day be like this. Why is it one day out of the whole year have to be magickal when every day should be this way. No muss no fuss, just every day being filled with miracles and seeing family every day.

I ask myself every day, what is family? I only ever knew a toxic ways of mine. It wasn't until I married my husband that I learned there is toxic, and there is toxicity with no remorse.

When I married my husband I was opened to a new world of how people thought even though it was primitive ways of thinking.

The only Christmas that ever truly mattered is December 2021, with my husband. I remember I wanted him to a special holiday something he never had. I remember we bought a huge tree bigger then the ceiling. The only thing we should have never done is let our friend put the tree together. I wanted to drink and put our tree together will listening to Christmas Music. Didn't get that unfortinately.

I want every day to be like this late night cuddles with my husband. Hot coco when I have trouble sleeping. Much like right night now because I have been sleeping to much due to having COVID right now. I think what's hard is what the loneliness to go away because I miss him so much. Miss him picking on me, wishing he would tease me about something anything really. I would take this over the company of loneliness right now.

My Christmas memories looking back on them are just nothing because I only ever had one christmas I loved. Even though my husband isn't a fan of the holiday that one year he made it so special, and I made it special for him.

I gone from loving Christmas, to not liking it that much because why celebrate a holiday once a year when it should be celebrated year world. Every day should be peace on earth goodwill to men. Unfortinately it's not. I know this might sound repentative but this is true. I think we made these thoughts every day the same instead of just once a year the world wouldn't be so awful as it is.