Most Honorable

It has been an interesting week.

With the most recent set of Challenges provided by Vocal, I have been very diligent in setting myself up with my thoughts as I tap away in front of this screen. I could write poetry and stories, discuss those figures and stories from history or my own life and get some interesting feedback on them. I have looked over the list of upcoming work I can do, and I am both excited and terrified by what I have planned.

But I began to wonder about something…

With the “History Would’ve Burned This Page” Challenge, I received an official “Honorable Mention” for the third time, the first two being for “‘The Fan’ Gets Another Chance” (Self-Editing Epiphany), and “My Little Book” (New Year, New Projects).

I have recently surpassed over 700 pieces on the page, wondering if I would ever get recognition beyond a Top Story tip and your kind comments on my writing. There is the classic idea that you have to travel a rough road before you find the smooth – pay your dues – and things will work out for you. I agree, and I wondered if I had reached that point.

Have I?

There are at least two or three other pages I contribute to, and I note that they also often contain contests and offers of money for those of us who are willing to keep up with the hamster wheel of the writing life. And then there are the big boys: The Writer’s Union of Canada and the CBC’s Poetry, Short Story and Nonfiction Contests. I have been lucky enough to make the long list with the W.U.C., and my long-standing rejection by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is a tradition that I cannot give up. I am made to stand up to a lot of rejection and yet keep going…

But, there is a part of me that wants more.

An “Honorable Mention” is like being an “Honourable Member of Parliament” in Canada. It is a title that should hold some respect for the bearer, but feels as though it was just an afterthought. They needed to label certain people with a tag that could separate them from the rest of the herd without really hurting anyone’s feelings.

Also, you have the problem of the list. I mean the list of winners in both first and second place, and all those runners up. In a previous article, I commented on how to respond to entering these Challenges and not succeeding beyond kind responses from your fellow entrants and scribblers. I realized that one of the things you should not do is immediately read out the list of winners and then stew in your own bitterness (if you have any)...but who am I kidding?

We all want to win.

No one wants to be Garfunkel when you can be Paul Simon; no one wants Oates when there is the presence of Daryl Hall. There is always something a little bigger to aim for and it is in our nature to take that shot.

Once again, I wonder if I should go on with this. Is it worth what William Faulkner mentioned in his Nobel Prize Speech as “the agony and the sweat” of the work? I still think that I will be doing this no matter what happens next. I have two books online, with a third one mapped out in my head. I am in the middle of a heat wave during a long weekend, and yet I still had time to work on this (my second article for the day). And I am thinking of work that will not be entered into a Challenge; it will simply be for my own edification…

But I hope you notice.

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Thank you for reading!

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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