Just One

Monday morning of week 12 of self-employment and working from home. Even though I have made great strides in completing my writing goals for Vocal, a media platform for writers, I have found I need to expand my world and become a better freelance writer. My mind has melted away as I have learned the ropes to the new road I am traveling. The past 12 weeks had been challenging yet rewarding.

Setting up a business, two actually, has caused me to devote a lot of time learning the ropes that goes along with being a business owner. I feel as if I am all work and no play. My office is outside my bedroom door so I am constantly reminded of the things I need to do as I am waking up or going to bed. This can really take a toll on a person. I've always wanted to be able to stay at home and work but the reality of the situation is not meeting my expectations. I am so busy that I feel as though I can't breathe sometimes. I push through the moment and take the next steps in building a solid publishing business for my community.

As walls begin to close in on me, I know that I could go bat S**t crazy if I don’t expand my world. I am a natural hermit type person. I enjoy alone time as I work. The problem is, I achieve a goal and there is no one to celebrate with. Small gains are important for they are the building stones for the bigger goals to set upon but I am often celebrating alone. This truth weighs on me more than I am willing to admit and I am doing this to myself. I am so focused on achieving that I felt saying, 'What good is all of this if I am the only one seeing results?' I am proud of myself but I don't want to lose myself in the process.

As a writer and researcher, I have a head full of projects to complete for the business. What has become clearer is the fact that people are waiting for me to complete their projects. This provides a means for the business to grow but their interest do not always match mine. I have a skill and I use it to benefit those who need it but that just a way to survive while I am building the publishing company. I have projects of my own that have gone neglected too long.

Books, research, collections, and crafts are piling up and they are there waiting to be resurrected when I have a little time to give them. They whisper a reminder that they are waiting as I sit down to write an article about witches in the 1800's. Every time I pass by them they whisper a hello as I rush off to replenish my cup of coffee. I wish I could stop and play with my work. I have some cool ideas bubbling. I too want to complete those projects. Afterall, they interest me and defeating that pile of fun would be so rewarding. Yet, I subject myself to projects that pay rather than the ones that encourage play.

Years ago, during the pandemic, I worked on a collection of newspaper articles called, "Talking Leaves." by Simon Otto. This collection is that of my uncle and decided that would be the second book released by the company. Over the 12 weeks, I have transposed them from digital format into word format so I can set up printing. I worked endlessly and achieved my goal and decided to print it out for editing. I instantly became overwhelmed by the amount of paper that kept vomiting from the printer. I had to stop and think, ‘Sheila, that is a representation of your work. This project has just begun but look how far you have come! Just break that pile of paper down into smaller projects. You can do it!’ I just need to remind myself to take this one project, one step at a time.

One Step at a Time.

At 1 A.M, last night, I finally closed my laptop and quit writing for the day. I thought, ‘Is this how I really want to be. A night owl and a late morning riser? Is sleeping until I wake up a good way to start my day at 10 A.M.? This, dear reader is like playing Russian roulette with the start of my day. By the time I had woken, caffeinated, completed morning stretches, I had come to notice that I had missed many hours of daylight and valuable work time. I know many people say, “Write when the inspiration comes!” Seriously, this is a good thing to do but my brain starts talking and I can’t sleep until my brain tells me its done. This dear friend is why I battle with the writer’s brain until the wee hours in the morning. I start my day late and end it late. This can't be healthy or so I assess it to be unhealthy.

One Step, one change is needed. The more simple the change is, the more likely it is to stick with me. I needed to change the level of distraction in my day. I made the decision to activate the ‘Do Not Disturb’ option on my phone for various time periods when I need to be productive. Everyone and I do mean everyone knows that I am working from home and building my publishing company. I guess to them, this means that Sheila is available to talk or to help them with the things they need. Texts and email notifications interrupt the sanctity of my writing time or working minutes. Yes, I make sure to check if I am needed but that is only after I have completed a task for the day. One little click, one step and I can somewhat insure that I am going to be productive that day.

Prefect Day

I received an email today asking me what a perfect day would look like. I guess it would depend on the day. I will focus on a workday for it is the topic at hand. Here is what I would like the day to look like.

• 9:00 Wake up with no alarm. (If I wake before this, bonus)
• 9-10 A. M. Caffeinate and read other’s stories and glean inspiration from others.
• 10-11 AM Prayer, stretches and meditation. (Such little time for such important things.)
• 10:30 to 11 Check personal and business emails
• 11 to 12 Prioritize daily task according to the day.
• 12-1 Lunch and light housework. [I find unfinished chores give me reason for distraction.]
• 1-3 P.M. [Do Not Disturb Time] Reading, research, and webpage development.
• 3-4 P.M. Walking to release stress. [Technology stresses me out.]
• 4-6 P.M. [Do Not Disturb Time] Writing. This is the area that causes chaos in my scheduling.
• 6-7 P.M. Dinner and social media interactions. [I forget to eat. Often. A writer’s truth. Eating dinner and checking post helps me to enjoy a meal.]
• 8-9 P.M. Finish daily writing project. [Hopefully, I will be done and open for the evening.]
• 10 P.M. [Do Not Disturb Time. This remains on until morning.] Meditation and preparation for bed and to sleep by 11 P.M.

For a moment I sat back and looked at the above schedule and realized how neglectful I have been to myself. I am a single woman with adult children, and I am thankful I am. If I had children, would I be able to make a schedule like that work? If I had a spouse, would this kind of schedule have an impact on my relationship with them? Sure, there is always compromised but partners need time too. I wonder, what would I sacrifice to add real people to my life. What is obvious to see, not having a schedule has caused me to neglect my needs and therefore not ready to add another person into my life.

Years ago, I dated a businessman who was all business and no play. I felt like I had to fight for a dinner out or for time that he and I could go and visit with friends around a fire. Many times, I went to events alone. Here I find that I am doing the same thing he had done but it is to myself. I have found that I haven’t been taking care of self as I pursue my interest. Yes, I am working for myself, but it is all work and no play and I too need to play. I don't want to be work and no play person.

Mastery of Self

As I work through this growing period and learn what works best for me, I know I must do what is best for me. Working 8 to 5 and having a regular check come in each week was a blessing. Now, I must generate the same wage as I did then. I know this will become easier but at this very beginning, I must master myself and value myself too. I do not want to be a hermit all my life so I must continue to grow so I can break out of the confines of this transition period.

Previously, I had written about my valuable hammock time. I had violated this relaxation time by turning it into work time. I am a book collector and I read every book that comes into my collection. Most books I collect are work related so reading is still work. Sure, the author can make the task fun, but most are dry and full of facts and figures. Am I truly relaxed or am I just fooling myself? I look as if I am being good to myself, but I do not feel rested at the end. I need to separate the two and pick up a book that I would enjoy reading or not read at all. Simple way to master myself at this moment, is fight for myself too and regain my hammock time as relaxation time.

Mastery of self, myself, has not been easy. I have to hold myself accountable for every action or time given to others or projects. One thing that I am proud of and will sacrifice time for, is my elders. If they call, I answer and do their bidding. This doesn’t happen often, but they earned the privilege to be assisted in their old age. I have mastered giving that respect in my life and it has been so rewarding. It hasn’t always been easy, but I know the visit with them carries value in the end. Time given to the elders is a gift to myself. Therefore is a mastery of self.

Just One, Conclusion.

Find just one thing that one must master in order to be good to oneself. Mine is a simple, the ‘Do Not Disturb’ button. One click and everyone has to wait for me to give them time. One click and thoughts are uninterrupted. One click and I can take care of me as I progress in life. I owe this to me to master my time and who and what I devote it to. Just one. That all one needs to do to make a difference in their lives. Just find that one thing that can help you master you.