I Just Make It Up as I Go Along

I've never made a New Year's resolution in my entire life.

Post-high school/college years is probably when one should start thinking about their future and what they want to achieve. College professors and advisors will frequently ask about what students want to achieve post-graduation. And a lot of us probably know the classic job interview question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

My answer? "Friend, I'm just trying to make it to tomorrow."

I spent nearly the entirety of college this way. Sure, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do after graduation. I remember someone asking what kind of job I wanted to pursue, and I said I wanted to work for the FBI.

"And if that doesn't work out?"

"I don't really have a plan B, so I guess I'll just figure it out."

Needless to say, the FBI thing didn't work out. So I did exactly what I said I would do. I figured it out as I went along. I realize now that pursuing a career in investigations and intelligence means you have to start small. Jumping straight to the federal level is a little ballsy and unrealistic.

Some of you may be thinking, "But, Alivia, it sounds like you do make goals. You wanted to work for the FBI. Isn't that a goal?"

Sure, I guess some may consider that a goal, but to me, it was more of a loose idea. When I think of goals, I think of SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. For example, if I wanted to make a SMART goal for my writing, I could do something like this: I will work on my novel for at least 15 minutes each day for a month. That definitely fits the definition.

Unfortunately, I hate making goals like this. The example I just gave is certainly a reasonable and doable goal. But the second I fail to maintain that goal, I want to quit. Even if I did well and actually did some writing each day for a solid three weeks, missing even just one day after that is enough to make me want to completely give up and make no effort to continue pursuing my goal.

I get that may seem silly or lazy. Maybe if I focused more on that kind of discipline, I could eventually find it easy to make resolutions or goals like that. But at this point, it makes more sense to me to work with what I got. And what I got is a brain that likes to take things as they come.

I used working on my novel as an example because that is actually something I'm trying to do right now. It was around June of last year that I started seriously writing it, and there was a little while where I thought about giving myself a deadline of when to have the first draft completed. But the more I thought about it, I decided to avoid doing that. Like I said, I just knew that if I didn't meet that deadline, I would want to give up on the thing completely. There was no way in hell I was going to let that happen. I was way too excited about the idea I had to let anything take away that excitement. Plus, there was no reason to force myself to abide by a timeline because I had no reason to rush. Yes, I would like this novel to go somewhere and to eventually be published, but I'm fine with taking my time.

Will I still be posting on Vocal in the meantime? Um... I'm not sure. Right now, I'm thinking I'll post if I see a challenge that really piques my interest. That was mostly how I posted in 2023. The only difference is, you probably won't see me as often or interacting with others' pieces as much. It's not that I don't want to or that I don't think it's worthwhile to do so. I'm just taking the time to focus on other things.

I do miss being active on here, don't get me wrong. The constant dialogue with other creators is so valuable and life-giving. But hey, maybe I will end up posting more often again. Who knows? I just make it up as I go along.

If you had asked me back in June if I thought I would have my novel completed by the end of 2023, I would have said yes. But here we are in 2024. Would I like to have my novel completed this year? Yeah, that would be nice. But I'm not going to create any hard and fast resolutions. I know what I want. I'll take it a step at a time.

Current step: finish this chapter. Next step: start the next chapter.

What's after that? I'll find out.

***

Hi, I'm alive! I haven't been as active on here because (as you can guess from what I just talked about) I have a novel to work on. I found this challenge to be a good time to take a deep breath and evaluate.

Does anyone else have the same perspective on goals and New Year's resolutions? Let me know!

Title and subtitle were inspired by the song Emily I'm Sorry by boygenius.