I Got Bullied on A Writing Platform

I don’t function the same way as anyone else. It’d takes me a while to process things what other says including sarcasm and insult.

But when I finally managed to process and understand them, it hits me hard.

Maybe because it takes me so long to process things (between days to months), the hurt lingers. That’s why I remember everything and carry the pain for a long time.

I wish I could just brush them off any other neurotypical does.

Words can wound me deeply. A lifetime of cruel words from abusers and bullies had chipped away all my self-worth.

People say that we shouldn’t be defined by our past.

I’ve been trying to rebuild myself for a long time. But it’s hard when the foundation is shaky. It’s like I’m trying to build a house, but the ground keeps shifting, and everything falls apart.

But I’ll keep trying, bit by bit.

I keep my head down, focusing on my own healing journey.

I am aware of my limitations, but I mind my own business and strive to be respectful.

I just want to live my life in peace.

When someone says that I deserved the bad things that happened to me and made all sorts of speculation, it confuses me.

What did I do to deserve that?

I’ve been actively trying to support my fellow writers on the platform.

It can be tough for me to express myself perfectly in comments (I have communication and social skills deficits), but my claps, highlights, and reads are all heartfelt ways of saying ‘Keep writing, this is amazing!’

But why are some people have to be so cruel?

I’ve been stuck in this loop, all stressed out and tearing up every now and then. Just trying to figure out why this is happening.

Why am I being trolled like this?

Is it because it’s easier to push an older handicapped person down the stairs?

It hurts the most that I never expected such spite and pettiness directed at me here on the said writing platform.

The truth is, I’m having a really hard time. Their meanness is pushing me to dark places. They cut me like knives.

I just want to numb everything. But it’s not working. It’s like being on a crazy rollercoaster — I’m so mad one minute, then the next I just want to cry. It’s all messed up.

I’m scared, like I might even need to go to the emergency room because of how down I feel now. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

Why me?

I’m just an insignificant amateur writer.

Is it because I can’t fight back, or because I don’t have anyone to back me up, that I’m such an easy target?

I understand that bullying can be subtle. It’s not always about shouting, threats, or violence. Sarcastic remarks, insults, and being left out are bullying behavior too, and that’s what I’m experiencing.

I feel marginalized in the platform because of who and what I am.

Does defective people like me is considered ‘less human’ and that I don’t deserve a place to belong?

©Emika Oka

Thank you for reading 🖤

Previously published on From the Corner of My Mind

Your support holds immense significance for a disabled neurodivergent. If you’d like to show your support, you can consider buying me a coffee here. Your kindness is greatly appreciated.