How To Write With Big "D" Energy

So what the hell do people mean when they talk about “Big D Energy”? What is it, exactly? Who has it? Is it something people are just born with, or is it something you can develop over time? And, more importantly, why should you really give a shit?

Well, because Big D Energy has a vibe that hits differently than the basic. Whether you’re a journalist, novelist, essayist, copywriter, blogger, or just somebody furiously typing out an e-book at two in the morning because apparently sleep is optional, your goal is the same: you want your words to land in an indelible way. You want someone to finish a paragraph and not even think before they start the next. Your world centers around setting the page on fire. This can be done when you possess BDE.

You yourself know you’ve read another writer’s work that you couldn’t put down, or maybe you binge-watched a particular creator's YouTube because they had a knack for phrasing things in a way that made you crave more. Don’t pretend you haven’t seen the sun peek through the curtains while still immersed in a world created by an artist who has mastered their craft so beautifully that you just can’t stop consuming their content. All because they had you so hooked that you would’ve had a total meltdown there on your bedroom floor, perched on your haunches amid a mountain of junk food and soft drinks, tightly gripping your latest Amazon Fire Tablet as if it were a life raft because you had to know how things played out. You’re not entirely sure how they seemed to know which words would weave around your heart and push you straight into zombie status, but they did. And you absolutely loved every second.

So how the fuck did they do that? They didn’t lure you in with free candy or offer sexual favors. They didn’t have to. They made you want to because something struck a chord. They didn’t command your attention—they seized it. You had no choice but to give in. So you did. And you reveled in every delicious word they spat out, crumb for crumb. But why? Were they using subliminal messaging? Jedi mind tricks? Nope. They used their very own Big D Energy.

So, is BDE this natural-born instinct available only to some? Not really. I mean, let’s face it: some people are born with a silver tongue and never even think about writing a book. The gift of gab is just that—a gift. But this is more than just an ability to charm. It’s a lifestyle, a state of being, an identity. Luckily, just like anything else, it can be observed, learned, tweaked, honed, and then lived.

I like to think of BDE as a vibe, and all the best vibes are based on our understanding that attitude is everything. You’ve got to sparkle, exuding confidence in every respect—even if your stomach has flipped upside down and started doing backstrokes into your throat—without appearing pretentious. This is not an easy feat. That’s why BDE is admired. Not everyone can do this. Everyone—EVERYONE—gets nervous, but few can embrace it and use it as fuel. It’s knowing what you want to say and saying it without looking up mid-sentence to see if the looks you’re getting are ones of approval. You don’t need to check because you don’t care whether you’ve convinced anyone of anything. You know what’s up because you’ve been down the proverbial rabbit hole and come out equipped to hold your own. You pride yourself on being honest to a fault, and if you have to deflate some heads and bruise some egos as you blaze your trail, so be it. You know you don’t have to be the loudest person in the room. All you need is to know your shit and let people SEE that you know your shit. You don’t show off or throw it up in anyone’s face. You don’t have to because you own it. Shamelessly.

If none of these traits quite ring true for you, here’s what you do.

1. Stop Asking for Permission

One of the biggest mistakes writers make is weakening their own argument before the reader has even had a chance to disagree with it. “I think…” “Maybe…” “It seems like…” “In my opinion…” “Perhaps…” Sometimes those phrases are useful, but most of the time, they’re just verbal bubble wrap. If you’re making an argument, make the damn argument. State your case, be clear, be concise, and walk away.

Don’t write: “I think social media has made people less patient.”

Write: “Social media has made people less patient.”

See the difference? The second sentence makes the statement sound like it’s coming from unshakeable confidence. You’re sharing your truth without an ounce of hesitation. Now your reader clearly knows where you stand. From here, they have two choices: they can either agree with you or disagree with you. They either like your content or they don’t, and you’re okay with that because adversity is not uncommon. Let them write an angry comment. In fact, you love it when you have the attention. Let them start a petition. Who cares? There’s always going to be opposition, no matter where you stand.

You can either melt down at the first sign of it, pack up your shit, change your name, and move to a quiet little no-name suburb where you forego human interaction for the rest of your life, OR you can take it on the cheek, pick your heels and walk it off. The latter will give you more freedom, support, respect, and content to share later.

2. Cut the Fat (Or the Filler)

Weak writing can often be found hiding behind unnecessary words. Writers pile on qualifiers, disclaimers, explanations, apologies, transitions, and little verbal safety nets because they’re terrified somebody might misunderstand them. The result? Muddy prose. Murky subject matter. Your voice gets lost in that muck, too.

Big D Energy cuts through the bullshit. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Then shut up. You don’t need three sentences when one will do. You don’t need an entire paragraph explaining why people doom-scroll. You don’t need to use three sparkly adjectives that you cleverly pieced together just to describe one person or one scene. And if you’re trying to “show” your reader through action, you don’t need your characters juggling six different tasks at a time while talking about those tasks. Don’t be afraid to keep it simple. It’s absolutely possible to use simple ideas in a new and creative way that keeps your audience intrigued.

You don’t need to follow every statement with a disclaimer explaining why you’re allowed to have said it. You don’t need to beef up your content with personal reasoning and reference everything that led you right up to that one conclusion. You can, but it’s much more fun when your audience engages and asks. Otherwise, assume they don’t care. Simply put: trust your reader. Trust your idea. Move on.

Good writing doesn’t have to explain itself to death because sometimes the strongest thing you can do after presenting your content is walking the fuck away. Ars Poetica really embodies this philosophy. Check it out.

3. Use Punctuation Like You Mean It

Punctuation matters. Who doesn’t love a quick grammar lesson? Periods are your best friends. They tell the reader, “That thought is finished. Here comes another one.” Commas connect ideas. And I tend to agree with Vonnegut: fuck semicolons. They’re the useless, pretentious wannabes that serve no purpose other than informing your reader that you were the poster child for grammar class.

The ultimate enemy is the run-on sentence. Be vigilant in editing and eradicate these upon discovery. If you got your term papers back with your words dancing in a sea of red Sharpie on more than one occasion, chances are you already know what this is. But if you were experimenting with your roommate’s stash a lot in those days, here’s a refresher: a run-on is multiple sentences crammed into one unbelievably disconcerting thought without taking a breath. In other words, it’s reader abuse.

Now, that doesn’t mean every sentence needs to be short. Choppy sentences don’t sound natural because it’s not the way conversation flows. Good writing has rhythm. It’s dynamic in structure, so sometimes a long sentence is exactly what you need. Use some complex imagery, colorful diction, and literary devices strategically to jostle the reader's attention. This keeps your audience on their toes, braced for the next turn of events. If you keep your rhythm too uniform and simplistic, you’ll lull them to sleep. Just remember that if every sentence runs halfway down the page because you’re afraid to let the thought end, your reader is going to need an oxygen tank. Use the period. Let the idea land. Give the reader a second to absorb it. Then hit them with the next one.

I like to think of it this way: If Hemingway and *Mark Manson had a baby, and that baby grew up to become a writer, what would they sound like in conversation?

4. Less Is More

You don’t have to sound like you swallowed a dictionary to sound intelligent. In fact, it’s entirely possible to seem like you’re trying too hard to sound intelligent. It’s one of the easiest ways to make yourself sound insecure. Big D Energy isn’t about showing the reader how many impressive words you know. Congratulations on actually using your word-of-the-day calendar, but nobody gives a fuck.

It’s about knowing which words actually deserve to be there. A complicated idea becomes more powerful when it’s presented in its simplest form. You exhibit optimal control over your syntax and literary devices with strict discernment. Anybody can make a sentence sound complicated when they have a thesaurus on hand—or Google—but few can put it to work aesthetically. The better writer knows how to make it connect with the reader and ignite their desire for more without being “extra.”

This is especially important if you self-edit. You have to learn how to cut the fat without sacrificing the meat. Make every sentence earn its place. And if a word isn’t pulling its own weight, toss it. No one will know, I promise. Yes, “less is more” is cliché as hell. But there’s really not a better way to phrase it.

5. Own Your Voice

This is where it gets tricky. It’s funny but I don’t think anyone ever sees this coming: You are what you read. You write what you read. You write what you know. Writing what we know is drilled into us endlessly. So what do we know? We know ourselves better than anything else in the world. You’re an expert on YOU. If you write fiction, you don’t want to create flawless characters with pretty little rainbows shining out of their cute little butt cracks. Portraying uppity characters that are too innocent, too wholesome, or too good to be true really just sets you up for failure. Perfection is an illusion. It’s also hella boring and difficult to create conflict with unless you’re writing about how fucking annoying and obnoxious it is. I literally can’t stay on Facebook for more than five minutes without wanting to ralph. If I had a penny for every fake-ass “my life is like SO AMAZING” post I see, I’d be one a cruise to the Cayman Islands right now.

 People want to read about relatable people doing relatable things by a person who is… RELATABLE. Not only that, you don’t know a thing about being perfect. I know sure as hell don’t. So don’t be afraid to let it all hang out. Show off some cool scars, tell some embarrassing stories, showcase some crazy mistakes. It’s good content because people feel connected to imperfection.

I know how tempting it can be to follow suit when scrolling social media and find everyone’s sharing flawless content of their farmhouse themed homes and badass luxury rides with filters that change their appearance completely. Its everyone- your coworkers, cousins, and even your cock-eyed aunt Ida with her one-legged dog that walks in circles since they hooked him up with that crazy little cart thing . I don’t know about you, but if I see another Brady Bunch post of people wearing all white on a sandy beach at sunset, I just might lose my shit. I think I’d rather sever my own carotid artery. So do yourself a favor and don’t portray a version of yourself you think people will see as admirable or find likeable. Let your freak flag fly and people will pull their own out of the pockets and fly it with you.

I struggled with this since my LiveJournal days because my extremely wholesome grandparents, who raised me to be a very polite, lady-like young woman, would shit themselves if they ever heard the trucker language I default to in casual conversation. My writing reflects how I talk to people in my everyday life. I always make an effort to censor myself around children, my elders, or people of authority out of respect, but it sounds unnatural to me when talking to my peers. My fear of them reading my work kept me from trying to get anything of mine published. If I couldn’t be authentic, I couldn’t imagine it ever being worth reading.

I’m glad I eventually woke up and realized there is no version of me that everybody is going to like. Unfortunately, same goes for you, my friend. There is only two versions of you possible in today’s society. There’s a relatable you and then there is a version of you that no one likes because your a self-entitled, know-it-all, pretentious debutante wannabe pushing your opinions and values on anyone who happens to look in your direction. It’s one thing to be well-off and opinionated; it’s another to be a luxe-addicted snarky bitch. And if you’re in poverty, there’s no shame in that. Just don’t harp on it or  use it as an angle to gain sympathy. It’s perfectly legal to panhandle, but don’t use it for content.

Just be you in your own humble, quirky, and unforgettable way. People have always craved authenticity—I know I have, ever since the reality TV era began—because they feel connected to someone who can embrace their flaws. Everyone has insecurities, so when someone knows who they are and doesn’t hide, even when it’s painfully embarrassing, they give others the courage to do the things they want to do. If you’re relatable but fierce, you can inspire. If you can inspire, you can make a difference. And if you make a difference, you’ll be unforgettable.

If you’re writing fiction or creative nonfiction, create a lovably flawed character who makes mistakes and embraces their flaws. If people only wanted gorgeous movie-star characters that do absolutely no wrong and say only the right things, we wouldn’t have antiheroes or conflict or character friction, which is the meat and potatoes of your content.

If you’re telling your own story, get buck naked in front of your audience. Not literally, but if you do this, this is where a disclaimer would be useful. Don’t hide behind what makes you truly human, or you risk disconnecting from your readers and followers.

6. Avoid Misalignment

At the end of the day, Big D Energy comes down to consistency. Your writing should sound like you believe what you’re saying. Your life choices should support the arguments you’ve made. And your convictions shouldn’t take a hike the moment someone tests them. Your characters should be dynamic but not fickle or do a one-eighty at the slightest sign of criticism.

If you want to create change, make your case visible to those who oppose it. And when they come for you, steady yourself for a blow or two because that’s the only way you’re going to gain support. Once people see that you’re “willing to go down with the ship,” they’re going to start asking themselves why. This will create movement because people will begin researching and learning why you have spoken out in such a passionate way.

In other words, your opinions shouldn’t be tethered to the results of an Instagram poll. Those can change on any given day because a lot of people tend to go with whatever sounds right based on their mood that day. Everything you do, everything you write, and the emotions you exhibit or don’t exhibit should be cohesive. Nobody wants to follow someone who doesn’t really know where they are headed or how they are going to get there. They want to follow someone leads with unshakeable doubt

I mean, how disappointing is it when your favorite influencer speaks out about animal testing on makeup, regularly promoting only cruelty-free products, and then one day you spot a foundation stick from MAC or Estée Lauder in the background of their new selfie post? This is one of the biggest issues with people today. They make a name for themselves only to receive backlash later on when someone calls them out for being complicit in the very thing they have vehemently criticized. If you want to lose credibility and respect from your peers, this is exactly how you do it. BDE isn’t about this at all. And you’ll find people who still project this energy after a scandal like this, but you can see it’s no longer effective, and you can tell that they know their vibe is lacking.

That doesn’t mean you can never change your mind. Everyone changes over time because most everything in life doesn’t come shaded only in black or white. The shades of gray are plentiful and have the ability to sway us when dealing with complex subject matter. Not to mention, changing your mind when someone gives you better information is a distinct sign of intelligence. It humbles us, which is absolutely necessary. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us from becoming arrogant.

Being confident doesn’t mean being defiant and unmovable when being confronted by conflicting information or stone-cold facts. Arrogance is a vibe that can translate into ignorance more often than not. If you’re confronted with good information that is in opposition to your stance and you choose to ignore the facts, you’re just going to look like an indignant dumbass.

Be willing to shut the fuck up long enough to get every perspective and all the facts before you weigh in because it’s those close-minded motherfuckers that people find are the easiest to walk away from. So be firm in your convictions after having done your research, leave room for error. Stag open to suggestions, new information, and attentive to the existing shades of gray because it’s an ever-changing social climate. If you’re going have any pride, pride yyourself on  being a “what you see is what you get”

I know, I know. This thing is riddled with clichés, but there’s reason these phrases are used so much- they have merit. How about: I like these clichés and really don’t give a shit whether you do or not because they get my fucking point across. Timeless, right?

Anyway, you don’t have to know everything. You just have to be honest about what you do know. Be objective enough to see where you can improve and be fearless in the pursuit of self-improvement while maintaining an air f confidence that people want to follow. Sound easy right?

7. Be the Bigger Person

Being rude, hateful, or overly critical toward people who oppose your beliefs is not really justifiable. There are going to be tons of people who are more than willing to use your own words against you. You know the types who will wait outside your apartment at night in forty degree weather behind a overflowing trash can just to  get one clear photo with their almost dead iPhone showing you doing something that goes against everything you say you represent.  These kind of people make every effort to expose anyone in the spotlight as a fraud because authenticity is rare. You see people making careers out of being merciless critics of anyone the public has I know from plenty of experience that those kinds of people are dealing with more than just a moral dilemma or maladjusted personality. Hurting people hurt people.

Retaliation to save face is all too often the first reaction from most but this is going to lower your vibration which will eventually decrease your effectiveness. Never react or reply to something or someone when you’re negatively charged and over-emotional. Go write it out, count to ten, meditate, do whatever you need to do to calm the storm.

It’s also a good idea to have some mercy on these folks because there will always come a day where you fuck up again (your human, it will happen) and need it yourself. To whom much is given, much is required in all things in the world. You want love, show love. You want mercy, show mercy. You want popularity, shine the spotlight on others. We’re social creatures that build upon reflection. We tend to reflect what we see. We tend to put out what we fill ourselves up with. So if you want to be a manipulative hypocrite who hogs the spotlight, be fully aware that you’re asking for it back.

I like to dig a little to figure out why this person felt the need to lash out and use me for target practice. It could be a traumatic past, a battered ego, or poor self-image in general. Who knows?  Do this, and you’ll find yourself feeling bad for these people more often than being angry at them. Everybody has baggage behind those perfect picture posts. It takes little effort to piss them off by reciprocating in a way that shows you taking the high road.

So What Is Big D Energy, Really?

Well, it isn’t arrogance. It isn’t ignorance. It isn’t being an asshole. It isn’t walking around acting like you’re smarter than everybody else. And it definitely isn’t pretending you know everything because some of the most intelligent people in the world know more than you and yet have the ability to admit they are only scratching the surface.

It’s composure. It’s clarity. It’s ownership. It’s being fiercely you while staying humble.

The goal isn’t to make every reader agree with you. It’s knowing your craft so meticulously. It’s having the skill to create a safe space for others to hang out with you and shoot the shit. Everyone faces enough bullshit on a daily basis that we are always in search of someone or somewhere where we can let down our defenses and unwind. It can be in a book, a magazine, a cartoon, YouTube channel, or a subreddit.

Once people feel safe enough to be themselves, they will keep coming back for more every time. Part of your job is to give them something worth thinking about and discussing. It helps take the edge off of all the crap coming at them from ten different directions. We all need somewhere to retreat. If you can create that, you’ll be unstoppable.

So, stop apologizing and own your shit. Stop burying good ideas underneath unnecessary words and distracting sentence structures. Stop explaining yourself into oblivion. Do your research. Know yourself. Be yourself. And provide a safe space where others can do the same.

That’s how you write with Big D Energy.

*The author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck