Get Used to It...

Flashbacks of me stooping down taking a whore's bath... Washing his stench off of my vagina, inner thighs and ass... Feelings of fear and shame, riddled my mind. So I got used to it.

Boys to men lined up waiting for their turn. It didn’t matter that I was being threatened...beat up...burned.... Inhaling cigarette smoke to perform those lewd acts..until everyone had a turn. I had no choice...so I told myself..You’ll get used to it .

I was barely nine I didn’t even hit double digits... That stuff on my face and flat tits? What is it? I was a victim no matter where I was.... At home, at church, my friends house, my aunties house . This city is a cesspool of pedophiles. It was normal for me to be victimized. I was used to it .

After awhile I envisioned being a famous entertainer like Sista in “Sparkle” or Billy in “Lady Sings the Blues”. You see they were like me; they took their clothes off too. They were used to it.

Why was it normal for me to be sexualized? NO means yes? Yes MEANS NO? NO! NO means no but I didnt know...because I was used ot it. What were you wearing? The Victim’s to blame? I’m a hoe? Im fast? I new him! I knew his name? Oh so I knew his name? Im to blame for everybody that I know. All of their names? I got used to it.

I would never be safe. Never be loved. This is how my life is going to be. Thats how it always was. Even when I hid at the pool In Queens while my mother cleaned. Yet another one of her “visitors” waited there for me. You're gonna be a stud young blood. Open your mouth wider. You'll get used to it.

I realized I wasn't the prize as I envisioned. Time and time and time again I put the bottle to my head; Refer madness, puff pass it. The smack I shot up trip-pin on acid. Drink a litte Lean you’ll get past it. I got used to it.

Guess I'm supposed to be here I was a commodity like diesel. This is how it is, this is how its always been. I was used to it. Inside I am still a child yearning for protection and divine that love they speak about in church Im not an angry cunt, scorned or any of that shit. That I just got used to it?