From Meeting on Vocal to Tying the Knot.

Howdy, Bore da friends, strangers, and hopefully kind-hearted bibliophiles! If you’ve ever found yourself cringing at the thought of self-promotion—rewriting that perfect Instagram plug only to blank-delete by attempt number 10—yup, you’re in good company. Because we’re about to do it right now (self promote that is), and we hate it. Believe us.

But a wise woman once told us (This morning on Fakebook actually) that writing is 80% self promo. Thanks Dana Stewart. You bear some responsibility for whatever this here thing is. Meh. So here it goes.

Stick with us, because this isn’t your usual “Buy my book!” pitch, we swear. This is a love story, a plea for help, and a potential Christmas gift for anyone you secretly don’t like very much. Revenge, right? Best served…in book form. Across the head.

So, in case you happen to stumble over here—unlikely unless the Vocal bot is feeling benevolent and bestows a Top Story. But still, just in case you don’t know us, we’re River and Celia, two slightly unhinged, slightly odd wannabe writers from the US and Wales respectively who met right here on Vocal. Swoon. Already in love with metaphors and sharing a penchant for the good ol’ British form of wit—misery—we quickly spiralled into a love story of our own. Hell, it’s been a year and some.

Never ones to do life (or anything else) by half, we are getting married next week!

It’s a simple ceremony—just us, a fancy-pants mayor (who, much to our chagrin, is a bona fide Republican—but hell, needs must, right?) and two witnesses. No frills, no fuss. Besides, we’re skint. And admittedly, you buying one, the other, or both of our books won’t make us rich or pay for the necessary visa crap—yup, bureaucracy is a hell of a wedding crasher—but it would top off the day. Knowing we wrote something together and... sold some? That would mean a shit ton of a lot.

So onward—here’s the pitch thing:

If you have Kindle Unlimited, please think about downloading for free. It’ll cost you a minute of time and truly make our day. If you have a few dollars, then maybe think about shelling out for a physical copy, even if you’re allergic to feelings. Think of the books as coasters. Stylish, literary coasters. Or paperweights. Either way, they could come in handy.

About the books…and why you will ahem…love them (we hope):

Fifth Avenue Pizza: A short story collection that’s as eclectic and flavourful as its title. Think of it as a literary pizza—each slice is um unique special you could say, packed with humour (admittedly our kind, which, not gonna lie, probably doesn’t bode well for you), drama, and a pinch of pumpkin spice. And stuff.

Is This All We Get?: A poetry anthology that’ll make you laugh, cry, and question your life choices (in a good way, maybe). It’s raw, honest, and full of us. Ha.

Both books represent what we love most about writing: connecting with people, exploring new perspectives, and creating something meaningful out of chaos. (And let’s face it, chaos is our brand. We chaos gremlins to be sure to be sure)

Why Now?

Well, because in seven days, we’re officially starting our lives together as a married couple—yup, turns out Celia is queer A.F. Who knew? Not her! Anyway, while love may indeed conquer all, it doesn’t cover visa fees or traversing countries. Every book you buy helps us take one step closer to cutting through the red tape and getting on with the good stuff—like bickering over our main character’s second name.

Plus, it would be the greatest wedding gift we could imagine. And, lets face it, we won’t be getting many of those unless the mayor is feeling generous—seriously, we did not think this through properly. That said, it only cost us 100 dollars so can’t complain too much about the whole empty wedding haul thing.

The Denoument:

If you love indie writers, believe in love, or just want to procrastinate about whatever you’re supposed to be doing, please check out Fifth Avenue Pizza and Is This All We Get? You’ll get some cool stories and poems, and we’ll get to start our married life with a little self-validation under our belts. It’s a win-win. Right?...please?

Oh and one last thing, we would like to thank all of the amazing vocallers who make Vocal the wonderful place it is. We made a list. But then got scared we'd accidently miss someone out and piss them of for life. That would be bad. So, no list. Just a heartfelt and sincere thank you to all of you who make our lives infinitely better. You knows who you is!