A little over a week ago, my grandfather died. I wasn't there, but my father was. He had been there all week, patiently offering his presence while his father made his final decline, remaining through his periods of distress just as he remained through his periods of calm. Being present when he had nothing to do, and present when he could act, too. It is a labour of love and immense human dignity to witness a dying in this way, and, fortunately, we seldom do it alone, as those who give their whole presence are, in their turn, offered a swelling of the presence of others, and they too, are given a little more. In the best deaths, we build a pyramid of one another, raising our arms in response to an increased emotional need, knowing that while we can never relieve that need, we can bear its weight a little just by being unafraid to hold it.
After I spoke to my dad, I let me children know that their great-grandfather had died. It was bedtime, but it felt wrong to wait until morning, and it was evident my son had an inkling. It was an expected death, a death from old age, and one which had escaped him for some years now, so that every time I saw him he would tell me at some point that he was ready to die. My grandfather was at one stage the youngest ever spitfire instructor, and though he rarely spoke about the war, he remembered his flying as the best days of his life. He was lucky. He returned. And returned unscathed, except for having committed himself, shotgun style I always imagined, to a woman I never got the impression he loved. Never the less, he had a life, and he used it. He continued running well into his eighties, though his speed and distance dropped, and at some point in the last decade he told me he had taken up learning French. Or Italian. I forget which. But he tired of it all, in the end, and so it was not a death to rail against.
After the children were settled in bed, with my partner out at work, I was alone, not railing, but processing all the same. So I did what so many of us here would do. I gave over a half hour, more or less, to write a little poem, me, witnessing him, and by publishing it here, having my grief witnessed in my turn. And yes, arms raised up, and several of you beautiful people just offered me those condolences which do nothing except remind us that there are others all around us, which is, of course, everything. I thank you for that.
But now I need to apologise for leading you down a false path, because this piece is not about the profundity of loss, or the nurturance of human connection. No, I am sorry to say that this piece is about good fucking manners.
This morning, I awoke to the following comment on my poem, which had indeed been made a Top Story:
Congratulations on having your story featured as a top story on Vocal! This is a remarkable achievement, and it's clear why your work has received such recognition.
Your storytelling is truly exceptional. The narrative was not only compelling but also beautifully crafted, holding my attention from start to finish. The way you developed the characters and plot was masterful, making the story both engaging and thought-provoking.
Your unique voice and perspective shine through, setting your work apart. It’s evident that you poured a lot of passion and effort into this piece, and it has certainly paid off.
I look forward to reading more of your incredible stories in the future. Keep up the fantastic work!
Best regards,
I have elected to remove the name, though I have no doubt some of you will have read this comment on your own work. Indeed, somewhat artlessly, the exact same comment had been left, equally inapplicably, on another of my stories at the same time. I do deplore dishonesty but if you're going to masquerade as a reader with copy and paste comments, at least do so with some degree of subtlety!
What I would like to say is this - though I appreciate that by saying so in this format I have turned firmly to the choir and preached with my back to the sinners - behaviour like this is not trifling. Or rather, it IS trifling, because in doing this, you trifle with another person's emotions. Did you know that? That on the other side of this exchange is not an AI, but a human being who has made themselves vulnerable in sharing something of themselves here. No, let me finish, save the apology, I don't need it. This is a very marked case, isn't it. Someone actually died. Someone actually died and you showed up to the funeral shouting "Many happy returns", tossing confetti and wearing a Christmas jumper. I'm not entirely sure what the aim of this Top Story cruising is, but it seems to me that every time you hear a toast being made you show up and try to dance the Hora before even checking to see if the guest of honour is dead or alive.
This, frankly, is in poor taste. You're not the only one. Don't think you're the first to have the ground breaking inventiveness to "cheat the system". One in a long line, I'm afraid. But I would be grateful if you would take a moment to ask yourself if this is worth it. Because here is someone's grief. Here is someone's torment, someone's paranoia, someone's pain. Here is someone's tenderness, and the courage to start again. Here is someone's fear, someone's loss or isolation. Here, amongst these stories, is someone's consolation. And it may be valid to argue that if we are going to post them online then we need a skin that's tough enough to not really mind what's said in response. How we are read. If we are not read at all. Valid, as I say, and indeed I do not seek your apology because I am. Tough enough. But I think you ought to know, that what you are doing is disrespectful, and it does you no credit to do it.
As for my grandfather, he had no belief in a "better place". To his mind, this was it, and we had best do what we can to make it worth the doing. Sometimes that is about doing the thing that is right, and sometimes that is about doing the thing that feels good. With that in mind, I'm off to water my garden, and I shall remember him and the scent of his summer tomatoes, and think of my dad, who was patiently present, knowing the cost is sometimes what we pay for owning our integrity.
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I joined Vocal two years ago, a prick of enthusiasm beseeching me to throw caution to the wind, pay the readies and have a stab at a long stagnated pleasure. It worked remarkably well. I dipped in my toe, finding the water a little cooler than I had hoped, but as I stood there up to my ankles, I realised it was rather invigorating, and by the time I was up to my knees, it was pleasingly tepid. I dove in and swam out to where others were tossing balls about and wrestling over lilos and proceeded to have a whale of a time splashing about, sometimes missing my footing or getting water in my eye, but sometimes turning elegant somersaults and graceful dives.
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Comments (24)
I'm going through the loss of my grandpa too; he died Sunday. So I know that if I received that comment on a grief post of my own, I'd feel just the same way you describe here. That image of a man shouting "many happy returns" at a funeral wearing a Christmas jumper is a perfect representation. My love and prayers to you and your family, Hannah. And I wish that comment had stayed away!
I say, never grieve when some has had a long and mostly wonderful life. Instead rejoice and be glad, for many are not that lucky. Three score and ten I hear that we are promised. Beyond that is a blessing. He was prepared and ready. Mourn not, but rejoice, he is at peace.
I would not only be embarrassed but would also be ashamed to show my face around these parts after being caught masquerading around as a reader. So sorry again for your loss and having to deal with this on top of everything.
First and foremost, my heart grieves with you. Secondly, I've also had experiences with the same individual pasting this comment on my top stories and it's extremely frustrating to think that someone can relate or is honoring your experiences only for you to find out it's just a disingenuous cash grab for the leaderboard. The opposite of community. Sending you immense love and strength. <3
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. Secondly, I know of whom you speak, and have received the same comment.
Hannah, I am so sorry for your loss, no matter the age it is always heart wrenching. Beautifully written as ever and as for the heartless troll. Well said. Just sad that they exist x C
Hey Hannah. I am sorry for your loss. Grandparents are so special - I still miss mine after all these years, especially when they told me stories about my parents being naughty. …. As for the comments on stories. Sometimes I struggle to know what to say to people and express how much I’ve enjoyed reading their work. But I just don’t get why you’d put the exact same comment on everyone’s work. Weird times we live in.
I'm not even sure how to comment but I feel I should. First of all, my condolences. Even if a loss is expected, it's never easy and nobody needs thoughtless and callous people at such a time. My skin isn't thick at times like this and I'm not sure I want it to be. The world could do with more vulnerability and tenderness in all their imperfect glory. You have expressed your feelings so eloquently that I don't think I can add to it in any meaningful way. I can only say I feel the same. Would be great to see this piece making it to the top!
My condolences Hannah. Let me start by saying that your writing and story telling abilities are compelling, so they got it right, even if by accident. My skin is thin and getting thinner with the insincerity of some of our contributors, and with the intrusion of AI, I've all but given up on Vocal. I can't put my finger on exactly where it went, but my enthusiasm for writing went out the window. Hopefully I may drag myself out this funk. We'll have to wait and see. You have every right to be pissed off and you have explained yourself very well.
I love dropping names and calling people out, so for those who are wondering, he goes by Dr. Jason Benskin on Vocal and calls himself Dr. Jay. Is he really a doctor? We may never know. He has been copy pasting that same exact comment and a few other variations on a lot of people's stuff, including mine as well. All those comments seem to be AI-Generated. He recently won First Place in the Dinosaur Challenge. I was shocked because I've read some of his work. Some seem AI-Generated but some don't. I was just wondering whether Vocal does a background check before letting someone place in a challenge.
I love the integrity that you demonstrated in your rebuttal as well as admire the eloquence with which you delivered it, Hannah. The only sane conclusion that I can reach is that he did not read your poem at all. And that is sad on multiple fronts to include the loss of an opportunity to be moved by the sharing of another’s grief. Vocal is a community where all of us can be vulnerable. It’s a shame that AI readers threaten and demean that privilege.
A lot of spam is automated. Report & block
Even I experienced such comments.The same comment all the time....I don't understand why they are doing this during a sensitive situation....
Thank you for writing this! I had the exact comment on my recent TS as well! So frustrating!
Hannah! I just wrote a poem about the same thing/person! They are now trolling my stories- at one point today making a comment a minute- denying everything. You said this so well and if I had known what they did to you, too…. Ok. I said I wasn’t engaging with them again. But I need to go yell really loud.
Oh my god, thank you for calling them out. So inappropriate and ridiculously selfish & shallow.
Insensitivity is one of a human's most despicable traits. Sorry, you had to deal with it.
Thank you for calling this one out, Hannah!
Thank you for taking the time to address this frustrating and despicable occurrence. I wish it was rare. This particular instance is certainly one of the worst though. The AI commenters drive me insane! I feel a swell of anger every time I encounter one on my own piece or on those of others. Surprised there’s not one here yet…
I know who you mean. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. I, too, have addressed his comment. I find it ironic that said comment maker is the most recent challenge winner. Does he have the words? One would have to ask the question that maybe he doesn't? Sending hugs.
Extremely well said, Hannah!
I have received similar; it felt robotic and inappropriate. I am very sorry it happened to you during such a sensitive occurrence in your family life. I think it's copy and pasted and it gets them money for commenting so much. It's despicable. xx
Hear bloody hear. I had previously had normal exchanges with said person and had subscribed...but then noticed...he had left the same comment on mine, yours and others. Deplorable really. Well done for putting this out there and spotlighting it!
Hannah once again, you are one of the truest wordsmiths and storytellers on here. I have no words to give as you’ve said what we are all thinking better than my brain could have ever constructed.