Ancient Wonder, Modern Review

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to visit the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World? Not as a historian, but as a (most likely) jet-lagged modern traveler with a phone in hand and opinions to share?

Well… now you can.

Your task is to write a Google or TripAdvisor-style review of ONE of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World:

• The Great Pyramids of Giza (yes, the only Wonder still standing, so this should be easy)
• The Hanging Gardens of Babylon (if they ever existed…)
• The Statue of Zeus at Olympia (who decided to put it on a wooden throne?)
• The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus (a forest of beautiful marble columns, slightly longer and narrower than the soccer field)
• The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus (the king who gave us the name for the structure allegedly was not very nice)
• The Colossus of Rhodes (weak at his knees, apparently)
• The Lighthouse of Alexandria (the earliest reliable GPS device?)

If you need an easy and fun reminder about what they were, here's the National Geographic for Kids story to refresh your memory:

What to Do for the Challenge:

Write your piece as if you’ve just visited the site and are leaving a review online. Please remember that six of the seven wonders no longer exist. So unless you pick the Pyramids, you’ll need to reconstruct the experience creatively, based on history, myth, or pure imagination.

You can channel your inner traveler addressing these as an example:

• Were the crowds unbearable?
• Was the “wonder” actually… underwhelming?
• Did something go hilariously wrong?
• Did it live up to the hype—or feel like a tourist trap?

Or Get Creative With:

• ⭐ A star rating (be honest, or even brutally honest)
• Descriptions of what you “saw” (realistic or wildly imagined)
• Complaints about ancient amenities (no Wi-Fi or indoor toilets? seriously?)
• Interactions with locals, priests, guards, or gods
• Travel mishaps, culture shock, or existential revelations

Challenge Guidelines

Length: up to 300 words (no one loves long reviews, but less than 10-word ones are useless and uninformative, unless it's a one-line wonder)

Tone: humorous, satirical, awe-struck, or brutally honest

Format: should resemble a modern online review

Community: Submit to Wander only. We are travelers after all for this exercise and Wander allows stories of less than 600 words.

Prizes: As always, I'll give small $1-5 tips to the reviews I like the most

Deadline: May 31, 2026

Bonus Ideas

• Write as a picky influencer, a confused time traveler, or a conspiracy theorist
• Include absurdly modern expectations (gift shop? accessibility? “too many steps”)
• Question whether the wonder deserves its reputation

The Goal

This is a communal creative exercise. Let's bring the ancient world to life through a modern voice. And make each other laugh, cringe, or rethink what a “wonder” really is.

***

Here's my own, to start us off (190 words):

⭐☆☆☆☆ (1/5) — “Came for the wonder, found colossal rubble.”

Checking off my bucket list of Seven Wonders, I finally reached the Colossus of Rhodes expecting something… vertical. Instead: pieces. Huge, impressive pieces, but still very much pieces.

Apparently, while I was traveling, there was an earthquake. Helios snapped at his knees, fell on land, and no one bothered to put him back up together. The Oracle of Delphi said it would be a bad idea, too. So now you just walk around these giant bronze parts like it’s an ancient scrapyard with a good backstory.

To be fair, the scale is still wild. The foot alone could double as a windowless small house, and standing next to it does make you feel small, fragile, and acutely aware of mortality. So yes, points for existential impact.

But amenities? None. No shade, no signs, not even a “You are here” map. Asked about a gift shop, locals laughed.

Would I recommend it? Sure, if you’re nearby and enjoy ruins plus imagination-heavy sightseeing.

Would I call it a “wonder”?

Maybe… if you wonder why his knees were so weak.

One star for the mere size.