Sleazy Car Saleswoman

Buying a car can be hard. Commercials warn of this all the time. There are instruction manuals on how to buy a car. The list of things a consumer can do to weaponize themselves against car dealerships and protect themselves from the urban legends to the true horror stories goes on and on, from reviewer tools (such as KBB, Carfax, and beyond) to comparison price matching tools (think car gurus and true car). I guess car buying is hard.

As salespeople, we so often must dissect consumers and strip them of their worries. Like an abused animal, you force us to gently coax from you information you should have ready. Sometimes, that can be so frustrating! Sometimes, people have bad experiences--not because of their salespeople, but because of their preconceived notions and the way they went about handling the deal. Many times, customers don’t think about their salesperson in the process.

Well, guess what! We are fed up with you, too! Maybe back in the day when the car industry was as rough and tumble as the wild west, you would have to watch your back and worry, but nowadays salespeople are pretty much just customer service representatives and product specialists. So, here are some tips when you are buying a car and some things to be mindful of when you are talking to your salesperson.

Warning: some of this is may make you feel like you are being attacked. And you might be! Because some of this is a vent; however, some of it is useful and may help you on your next car purchase.

1) Stop playing coy!

Several sales guides advise you to give as little information as possible to the salesperson when purchasing a car. I agree with that if you literally are just looking at what is out on the market; but if you actually want to buy a car, stop being difficult.

From the moment you walk in the door salespeople, depending on their pay plan, are working for free, or next to nothing, unless they sale a car. So, when you offer too many “I don’t knows” or “Tell me about all your cars” or “I have 10 cars to test drive,” you are forcing your salesperson to play detective, to figure out what you want. By doing that, you make them loose opportunities with customers who actually DO know, have an idea of what they can afford, and understand what they are using their car for. By the time the salesperson has figured out what you want, too many good opportunities to make a living have walked away. The salesperson, then, absolutely must try to make a sale with you, which is going to give you that discomfort people say they feel with pushy salespeople. On the other hand, your behavior can lead the salesperson to try to brush you off when you act like you are not interested in buying a car in order to actually make a sale with a more serious customer.

Here is the question I get from friends and family, “How do I know what I like unless you explain every model to me?” Excuse me? Why should I do that?! You already know what you like. Don’t make me waste my time showing you sedans when you want an SUV. I don’t want to pull up a car with leather if you only like cloth. If you want to tow a 5,000-pound boat, but you mention SUVs with 4 cylinders that barely tow 1,000 pounds, how is that helping us? Knowing at least what you prefer in a vehicle or what you are using it for helps us both. In that case, I can show you the proper car and save you some time.

There have been plenty of times when someone came in and said, “I want you to explain your line up to me.” Then, midway through, interrupted to say, “I am not interested in any of this. Do you have a bigger vehicle?” The question I always want to ask back, but never do because I like my job and I still want to make a sale, is “Why didn’t you just say that from the beginning? Why did you waste OUR time pretending like you were interested in everything?”

Yes, salespeople are trained to figure out what you are looking for based on your interests. Are we mind readers? No, we are not!

Here is an example of an interaction that left both of us frustrated: customer comes in asking for help. She is mad because she has already been to several dealerships. I was next for a customer, so I was happy to help. Starting with the basics, I asked, “What are you interested in, and what are some things you are looking for in a vehicle?” She said she wanted a red car but could not explain what she wanted any more specifically than that. She would know it when she saw it! Sometimes, people are like that, and I get it. So, I spent hours with this lady asking questions, walking her around the lot, showing her what we offered online, assuring her we could get her what she wanted--if only I knew what she wanted! I did everything I could, and she wanted to buy a car. Still, she refused at every question and turn to directly answer me and continued to scream at me for not knowing what she wanted as we walked the lot. I grew increasingly wary, not to mention dejected. I mean, I can only do so much! Eventually, I had to turn her away. Otherwise, my day was a wash. When I saw her in service a few weeks later, she had a silver sub compact SUV. How was I supposed to guess what she wanted with what she gave me?

You have so much information at your fingertips right on your phone. You should do research before buying a car. If you don’t, that’s ok, too. I understand that what you see online looks different in person and some people are hands on researchers. If you are a hands-on investigator that’s fine. You still know yourself and you know what you are looking for in a car. If you are not sure what you want to buy, at least you can have a list of what you need/expect out of your vehicle so that you save everyone time.

2) I’m working here!

I have many customers who want to do things over the phone and through email, especially now with the pandemic. However, there are still people who come into the store every day, and I am predisposed to help the people sitting at my desk right then over a remote maybe. How would you like it if you were sitting with me and I picked up a phone or started blasting out an email mid-negotiation? Probably not much.

Firstly, it is rude to the customer in front of me. They are Today Buyers! The process takes time. So, by expecting instant gratification with your phone calls and emails, you are wasting other peoples’ time now. Secondly, should I take your call, my conversation with you may give out information (e.g. your 400-credit score) to my in-person customer that you might not want broadcasted.

Now, you may be asking yourself, “What if I am a ‘Today buyer’ as well? I just want to make sure everything’s ready when I get there.” Well, reread section one. You are going to have to tell me everything upfront in that initial call.

Typically, if you are financing, you need to fill out a credit application, and you need to scan over proof of insurance and your driver's license. If you have a special case, such as leasing under a business or using bad credit, make sure your salesperson sends you a check list; then, ask for a secondary person you can ask for if you have questions later on. Good salespeople should give this to you, but I have had customers yell at the dealership’s operator, saying they only want to talk to me. Rest assured, you are going to wait when I am busy. Not only is this for your privacy, but it’s the polite thing to do!

There is another faucet to this section: Respect your salesperson’s boundaries. I don’t know how many times I have been called by customers in the middle of the night. I am not answering. I have been called at all hours of the night, and it is frustrating that 9am to 9pm is not an open enough time frame for doing business with me. I don’t care if you are going to sue me, you don’t know the number to roadside assistance, or you lost your buyers order and would like a new one faxed to you. I am at home, drinking myself into a stupor after dealing with crazy people all day; you are not the only person in the world!

Finally, when you learn your salesperson’s day off, don’t entitle yourself to it. I often get customers who want to complete the deal another day. I get it. I have noticed, though, when I tell customers my day off is Wednesdays, they suddenly only want to pick up the car that day. I asked a customer once why that was the only day that would work. The answer appalled me: it would ensure the one-on-one time they desired to go over the car. I have the option of giving you over to another salesperson at that point; however, I am required to split whatever money I earned with the person that helps me. At an old school dealership, if it is a 0-profit deal your salesperson won’t get any money at all, which means you are making your salesperson pay to have a day off. I just want you to understand your salesperson has a life beyond you.

3) The Get-Me-Done

You probably won't ever hear the term “Get-me-done" spoken in your presence. It's an inside term we use for people with bad credit or extreme circumstances that we cannot get financed. Not every dealership is equipped to handle these cases, which can be very time consuming for the customer and the salesperson. Just in case you are not picking up on it yet, time is money in sales. We get that you don’t want to be at the dealership all day. Surprisingly enough, we don’t want to see you there all day, but we can’t let you take a car without money.

Here’s where it gets tricky. You will want to be tactful about how you broach the subject of your Get-me-done status so that you don’t get screwed over. You see, Get-me-dones are some of the most preyed upon people--especially in the finance office. Basically, they are subjected to the most ridiculous of terms. High interest rates (hard to overcome), up charges that dealers don’t expect you to catch because, let's face it, you’ve let the ball drop on your credit thus far, and the finance guy will sneak in things like extra warranties and insurance. Yes, sometimes a bank will require things like gap insurance to cover themselves however always ask ‘is this required?” never hurt anyone. Just remember if you are being quoted a $700 payment on a lower end car you need to review things before you sign.

Anyways back to my rant. First off, banks have red flags go up in full force when we present them someone with bad credit. They then want to know if you have a trade-in and/or money down. Why are they asking for this? Because they want you to tie some of your assets into the deal. Statistically, if a person ties their own assets into a deal, said person is more likely to keep making payments. That’s the first hurtle; but, typically, Get-me-dones have neither, which increases the difficulty in the deal.

Next the banks are going to ask way more of you than the average buyer. Not only do you need insurance and a driver's license, you will need to provide proof of income and proof of residency (God help you if you have not lived at your location for more than 2 years!). They will even ask for personal items such as a social security card or a marriage license. Many times, at this point, people are getting mean. Why do I need to give you that? Why is it your business? I have to have this information in order to get you approved.

Sometimes after all those hoops we still have a rejection from the bank why? Well it might be the car you picked out. People with bad credit tend to think getting an older car for less money is more likely going to get them approved. Banks are thinking the opposite, though. They are thinking the older a car the more likely it is to break down and who wants to pay for a car they can’t drive? No one. On the flip side to this some people are looking at too much car.

If you have bad credit what I suggest is picking a newer car. Just know it probably is not going to be the car you wanted. Honestly, when you are looking at a $40,000 car and you only make $24,000 a year and your credit score is below a 640 a bank is going to say absolutely not. How can this person pay their bills and this car payment? That is what the bank asks us, and we don’t have answers and typically neither does the customer.

Guess what sometimes you need a cosigner even after figuring all of this out. I had a customer actually tell me, “I probably wont make the payments who do you think will cosign for me?” I don’t know but you should probably burn my card because I never want to see you again and I will warn your cobuyers. Unless it is the end of the month and I am one car away from bonus and then my heart aches with moral Delema. Do I pay my student loans and fuck someone over or do I say something to the other person? I am going to let you guess what I do on that one. I am a sleezy car saleswoman after all.

3) Budget

Was kinda hinting at this in the last section. Understanding your budget is important and it is ok to tell me that upfront. By the time you are done purchasing a vehicle I am going to know everything, where you live, what you do and what your credit score is. Trust me I have seen it all. Even if you are fake rich you can tell me, because I am going to find out. I know that sounds mean but guess what?! You, again not being up front is going to waste our time!!!!!

There is nothing I can’t stand more than making someone fall in love with a super deluxe everything in it car when you can really only afford a midrange or even entry level model car. For one thing, it makes me feel like a dick. I feel like I have taken a toy from a baby and I hate seeing the hope die in my customers eyes. Also, you probably aren’t buying a car from me after that and I have prolonged your search, because now you know there is more our vehicle have to offer, and you are displeased you cannot have it.

There are people, though, who come in and expect the moon and stars for under $400. STOP THAT!!!!!! Just because you got a good deal in 1999 or 2008 when the market crashed does not mean it's happening today. Yes, I get you want the most for the least. That is why we negotiate. That is why people shop for months and they find all these tips on how to find deals, but honey when I say it don’t work that way don’t stay at my desk all day yelling at me!!!!! I have had people tell me what the car is worth and told me they are taking the car for that price. I wished it worked that way. I wish I could go into bath and body works and say this whole cart of crap is market value $100 and I will be leaving with all of it for only $100 when in reality it rings up $400. I am going to jail if I throw down $100 and leave or yell at the cashier for hours. I want to have the latest and greatest for nothing too. You can’t just make up prices though. My managers would fire me if I lost thousands of dollars so that you could get a top of the line all-wheel drive SUV for nothing. Stop making unrealistic demands.

4) I am just looking

Good! I can go back to making calls or watching training videos or other side work that salespeople must do when we don’t have customers. I respect what you have said, and I have gone back to minding my own business. However, the customer is wondering around the showroom disgruntled because they are not being helped. I know it is in our nature to say no thanks till we are ready and I get that. That is why I went back to my life.

I loathe what come next, though. If I had fallowed you around, I would have been the push asshole who didn’t respect your wishes and made you feel uncomfortable. On the flip side, Personally, I have given these customers their space only to have them come back to my desk and say, “Are you going to help me?” and it is never in a nice way. You are now disgruntled, and I have to calm your angry ass down. Do you like dealing with angry people? I don’t especially when I have to ask them questions. I am damned if I do damned if I don’t.

Just tell me what you want upfront!!!!!!! I already know you are there to look! What are we looking for, waldo? No, you are there to look at cars and you can’t go to the next level without me so buckle up butter cup and tell me what we are looking for!

5) Time management

We have been through so much together. I have overcome every obstacle you have hurtled at me. You have finally warmed to my lackluster charm. We have agreed on numbers and gone over every bell and whistle of the car. This is it! You are ready to buy! So why are we still sitting at my desk talking about dogs?

The average time it takes to buy a car from start to finish is around 4-6 hours. I have customers who wait till we are this point to tell me their time frame. “Oh I need to be out of here by 1.” Cool so do the other 6 people waiting for the finance office. You are not the only person buying a car today. The finance managers are trying to do their thing for the other 6 people. They have to run your credit app, they have to make sure you are not a terrorist or someone trying to steal trade secrets for another manufacturer, they have to make sure the deal is funded, they have to print off your plates, and they have to figure out how they are going to make some money off of you with warranties and such.

What I am saying here is either commit and plan for the day to be a wash or get your ducks in a row ahead of time. I have had customers go to lunch or sit in our lounge to work on their computers. If I am not slammed with customers that day, I will sit with you and chat or go over the car over and over as much as you like. I am actually ok with this and enjoy building relationships especially when you are calmer.

I do not like the self-entitled prick who thinks because they have spent money, they get the VIP express. Guess what many people have already spent money there, too, and they want the same thing. You aren’t special. If you had been upfront and understanding that saves time as I have stated in previous sections. If you really don’t want to hang out with us, though, do what I told you in section 2. Negotiate over the phone or internet then send in a credit app and a copy of your ID and insurance and tell the people when you will be in and when you want to be out. Sometimes dealerships can’t get it together fast enough, in that case we are the assholes, otherwise this one is on you. I am there all day, so I really don’t care. My day is going to go the same either way. You yelling to go faster does not speed up the process. It only increases the amount I will drink that night to forget you exist.

To sum everything up:

I could go on for hours. Like any job there are layers and perhaps I will post more about it. The moral of the story, though, is please be nice to us! Please know what you want and set up expectations with your salesperson in the very beginning. If you get a bad vibe and you are uneasy don’t tip toe into things just leave. In general, we are not all monsters, and we literally are as afraid of you as you are of us. We deal with your nightmares every day. You fortunately only have to deal with it every 3 to 10 years depending on how you love your car.