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Sleazy Car Salesgirl

Bad Haggling Techniques

By E. J. StrangePublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Our showroom is empty no new cars to sell

We all want a good deal. We all love sales and feeling like we got the most value for the least. I 100% get it. I haggle where I can, and I use coupons on the regular, so I really do understand the want/need to get a good deal. What I don’t understand is some of the stupid shit my customers do thinking that it will get them a good deal. It does the opposite. It pisses me off and then I spend the rest of the deal figuring out how to get the managers to kick them out or I tell my managers to rip them off. I really can’t stand people being nasty and shady. I am trying to do my part to help them, but if they want to be difficult, I don’t mind fallowing suit.

Here are some of the weird tactics that people employ thinking that it will give them a good deal but ends up screwing them:

1) Coming in 5 minutes before closing

This is a tactic I have seen employed many times where someone comes in literally 5 minutes before closing. The logic is that your salesperson and the managers will be so tired that they give up on the haggle early and give in to your demands so that they can go home. First of all, you are just a dick for doing something like that. Second of all, if I have to be at work for however long I am going to mess you to the hilt.

Just so you all know, we are forced to stay till a sale comes to a close and my managers come in late so the are refreshed for these particular showdowns. I have actually had people haggle with me till midnight. You're reading that correctly, MIDNIGHT! Then tell me “fuck you!” because we did not give them the price that they wanted and went home without the car. Just to let you know if you are keeping me till midnight, I am not doing a free deal! I am working on commission so if you are asking for a 0 profit deal that means I work for free. Yes, the sale will count as a unit towards bonus, but an extra 3 to 5 hours tacked on to my day is typically not worth a bonus click in the grand scheme of things.

I also want to let you know on an average week based on the schedules with no over time I already work 50-hour weeks. This includes a forced 12 hour shift. I want to spend some time at home with the love of my life and my dog, so when you come in 5 minutes before closing which by the way is at 9 fucking P.M. I am already burnt out and ready to go home. This is where those idiots think oh good, she is primed to give up. No, they hired me because I have fiery hate in my heart and a passion for vengeance, so I can’t wait to ruin your life for messing with mine. I live for making you as miserable as you choose to make me feel and guess what? I am feeling pretty vengeful when you come in at 8:55 pm to haggle.

I get it sometimes there are emergencies and life events that prevent or pull you to a dealership at the late hours. It could be a car accident or a weird work schedule. You can tell the difference between those people and the idiots. I don’t like ripping off the less fortunate and I don’t mind sticking up for someone genuinely in need, but the ass holes telling me my cars are worth $20,000 less than what the sticker says at 9:30 pm are going to pay an ass hole tax or go home empty handed.

2) The 3 nutshells trick

This is not really a trick it's just you wasting my time. The three nutshells, as we call it, is where a customer comes in and wants to see two or more cars. It's usually 3 but sometimes I have had to key up at least 5 cars. The customer spends the entire time trying to act confused and will ask the price and various feature questions over and over again waiting for me to slip up so that they can say, “you said the price of this car was this.” Funny how 5 seconds ago you couldn’t remember anything and now all of a sudden you remember the price you wanted on the wrong car.

I have gotten good at not mincing my word or mixing up my inventory, though. I hate this game, but love beating customers at it. When I don’t fall into the trap, they flat out tell me, “I want the price of this car on this car.” I love how they all use the same hand gestures when they point out the one car and then the other like I am stupid and do not understand how the world works. I always think at these moments what I wouldn’t give to do this at bath and body works, but if I did, I would probably be arrested. Just to let you ass holes know, it doesn’t work that way for you either and it sounds like you won't be getting a car unless you can fork up more money.

3) Browbeating

Go ahead and be a nasty ass hole. Go ahead and yell at me and tell me I am stupid. Go ahead and throw a tantrum on the showroom floor. Go ahead and threaten me. Many times, I have customer come in and think that being an ass hole and bully will get them what they want. I might seem missish and meek, but I am a sleazy car salesgirl and I have learned to keep a thick skin.

The most you do is cause me to drink more later. You belittling me is not going to bring back a car that was sold hours before you came. You yelling at me is not going to get you a discount. You threatening me is not going to get you into finance faster. I am going to listen, I will apologize at appropriate moments, I will even continue to act sweet while I pray privately for your demise, but I am not really worried about you. In fact I don’t even want to sell you a car, because if you are a problem in the haggling then you are going to be a nightmare in my future. I rather cut ties earl. Also, if my hire ups say no to your demands, it’s a no and I rather piss you off than them because they are the ones who let me keep my job not you. You will eventually go away, and you only matter for the measly hours I am forced to stay by your side.

I will tell you I may not have control of pricing, but my managers do trust my judgment and I don’t mind telling them to throw you out or jack up the price on you. In my mind ass holes should pay more. I have noticed a lot of these people who act this way are entitled and think that they are influentially important. If you are throwing about that you are a big somebody typically you are not. If you have to tell me you are someone, are you really?

To Sum up

I don’t mind a haggler. You have every right to ask for a deal. This is America and we are capitalists for pity's sake. I am not offended you want a discount and sometimes the haggle is fun. It’s a game and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but hopefully I did a good enough job that there are no hard feelings when we part ways. Just don’t be an ass hole, because I am not playing with that.

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About the Creator

E. J. Strange

I am new to the writing community but hope to publish a novel one day. I am simple minded and sucker for romance.

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