When anal meets traveller, what do you get?

When we make plans to travel ( fuck you, 2020!), I am as usual super excited about booking tickets, scouring through pretty, pretty Airbnbs and finally zeroing in on one. My partner and I take responsibility for each task, one person books the travel tickets and the other, the stay. Of course, we do consult each other on the time, if both of us like the stay, yada yada yada.

Then comes the packing, so here's the start of my obsessive attention to detail, rechecking everything millions of times and basically the spiralling down into the "hole", yes I went there.

I make lists and tick them off and create new lists to tick off lists. Then there are lists for the pre-travel day and travel day. Lists for Airport documents, stay essentials and of course the baggage weighing.

I obsess over the fact that our baggage may be over the limit and that we may have to pay a huge charge for it. Then comes the worry whether the amount we carry would be enough or is it too much. What if we get robbed before we reach our destination? 

So the solution, we split the money all over our carry-on, handbag and on person. This brilliant idea of mine actually made us withdraw additional money from our account in one country since I thought we ran out of funds. But lo and behold, when we were back home and unpacking, I found neat little stash of currency in my super secret hiding place!

Once we reach the airport, all through baggage check-in, immigration and right up until we reach the designated gate, I am on the edge. I must have just heaved a sigh of relief, when my partner wants to check out the lounge since we have free access.

I tense up again, what if we miss the boarding announcement and miss our flight…the horror. I reluctantly drag myself along and grudgingly enter the lounge. Yay, you can hear the boarding announcements within the lounge, so no chance of missing it. But I decide to be extra vigil and listen to all the announcements carefully each time one is made, even at times shushing my partner. Yup, shushing! Sometimes, I am surprised that he hasn't left my extra ass!

The bonus of lounges is the yum food served. I dive in, of course, keeping a hyper vigilant ear out for boarding announcements. I rush my partner once I hear our announcement and we leave like our asses have fire ants on them. We get in line, I take out all necessary paperwork out, keep it at hand. I even arrange our boarding passes so that it is easy to ready in the first page of our passports.

I am fidgety right up until our boarding passes are scanned and we are waved ahead to embark on the plane. Yay, we are free and through. For the first time in hours maybe even days, my shoulders, that were all the way up my ears, ease. I board the flight completely relaxed, because I know nothing can go wrong now. I am least bothered by turbulence or even hijacking…why, I have no fucking clue. We may even crash…meh!

I enjoy a stress-free flight, even if we are cramped up in our economy seats, more him than me…take that you 6 feet beanpole! We have landed and my shoulders get back into position where they will stay right until we reach our place of stay. 

The stress of - 

Will we get our baggage?

Are our visas valid?

Will they let us through immigration even if they are?

What if I, more than him, give a "wrong" answer to their question?

What if I answer "right" and he answers "wrong" and I am let through and he detained!!

But yay, we successfully sail through immigration, although if they check my photograph that is usually taken for identification, they would find a girl ( I wonder, why I think of myself as a girl and not a woman…mmm…that's for another post) with no neck and shoulders all the way up her ears!

Now comes the anxiety of finding the best mode of transportation to our place of stay. We sort through the different modes and usually opt for the shuttle bus, most times it's free, more money saved for shopping.

We go to the designated area and can't find our bus. I am almost brittle as a glass ready to shatter any moment. Did we miss it? Were we too late? And my partner points out the bus slowing gliding towards us. I heave an internal sigh of relief and paste a smile and act like I knew it would come all along. Who was stressed…not me! 

We get in with a minor confusion on the payment quickly sorted out by my partner without my shoulders going up any further. We settle in for the ride and I am back to being almost relaxed. 

I enjoy the scenic ride and as we enter the city, the shoulders get back into position. 

Will we get down at the right stop?

Will we be able to communicate to driver where we want to get down?

Did he understand what we said?

If we did manage to get down at our stop, will we be able to find our hotel?

What if we can't find our hotel?

What if they give away our booking?

Will we have to book another one?

How would we even find a new hotel at the nth hour?

Will we be hotel-less on our first day in a new place?

I think my shoulders have been promoted to a new position alongside my temple. My hero of the hour suggest the GPS and we are guided safely to the hotel. But we are not scot free yet…not even for a minute. 

What if our booking never went through?

What if the hotel never received any booking?

We reach the reception, I confidently ( I am a stressed mess inside and my shoulders are in cahoots with the stray hair standing at attention above my headband) give the booking name and cross every possible body part I can cross. The receptionist checks their system - why is she frowning?

My body temperature drops, I feel a little shiver coming on, I am a little light-headed…and she smiles and welcomes us. I triumphantly look at my partner and he just smirks. He is, " I know what you are thinking, so don't even try!" I grin despite myself and I have now coronated myself as the queen of stress-free relaxed land! All hail me! 

And thus begins our wonderful vacation of discovering a whole new city, country, culture, food and people. We travel in a haphazard manner within the country of vacation but I am never, ever stressed. And I really can't fathom why! 

Maybe it's airports, it's like a transitory bridge - one with no roots, no bolts holding it down, one that is freestanding for all intends and purposes, one that just though reeks of architectural excellence, you are not sure of it's stability.

This is the only explanation, I can come up with. So while we enjoy our stay and leisurely days, I am mentally preparing for the day we start our journey back and gear up to repeat this hellish trauma of being an anxious and anal traveller. 

Ya, the shoulders are ready too for the ascend!