What to Look for in the Perfect Travel Partner

Traveling in a small space for an extended period of time with another person can be difficult. Without moving, it is possible to step on the other's toes. A misstep might be accidental with a positive intent but yet create an uncomfortable situation. For instance, when my husband was outside the motorhome hooking up the sewer, I decided to "help" by extending the slide. He would have been appreciative if the slide had not bumped him in the head.

As we travel more our movements are becoming synced. We have patterns that minimize the trips and stumbles. These are some strategies that have developed.

Establish patterns that can be counted upon

Randy makes the coffee at night and then we only have to push a button in the morning. This may not seem like a big deal, but the one time I made the coffee it ended in a fiasco.

Once the coffee and filter were placed, I filled the pot with water and placed it on the heating element until morning. Our coffee pot at home is a Bunn so the moment the water is poured it begins to fill the pot. Following the same pattern, I figured I would fill the back of the coffee maker in the morning.

My husband thought I had forgotten to pour the water into holding tank so he "helped" by doing so just before going to bed. In the morning, forgetting I had already filled the decanter with water, I filled it a second time and then poured it into the back. Before returning to bed, I pushed the on button satisfied that the next time I rose, fresh brewed coffee would greet me.

I got hot coffee! It was all over the counter, stove, and floor. That's what happens when twice as much water is added to a coffee maker than it can hold. We agreed that Randy makes the coffee in the future.

Seek first to understand

After years of working with heavy machinery, Randy's hearing has faded so he wears hearing aids. Often he doesn't wear them in the morning causing some confusing conversations from time to time. For instance, once I told him, "We are out of orange juice and need to go to the store." He responded, "Why are you worried about where to store the oranges?"

Now, we have a saying, "If it doesn't sound like a rational statement, then ask for an explanation."

Sometimes our miscommunications stem not from a problem with hearing but from a lack of talking clearly. I have a problem with speaking the correct words which can cause misunderstanding. Just this morning, I said, "We will be home in four day." Randy quickly exclaimed, "Four days! We are 3,500 miles from home! There is no way we can get back to Idaho in two days!"

Yes, I had misspoke, but when Randy begins to talk in exclamation, I worry he is going to have a stroke. I quickly reminded him, "If it doesn't sound like a rational statement, then ask for an explanation." We both took a deep breath and I explained, "I meant four weeks." We shared a laugh and again reminded each other to ask for clarification before jumping to conclusions.

Share responsibilities

We divide up the chores by what we dislike least and who has the skill to accomplish the tasks.

• I plan the trip and he drives. When I drive, the result is less than acceptable. The dent on the back of the car is evidence. And the time I drove our last motorhome still makes me cringe.
• He washes the car and I wash the dishes.
• He takes the dogs out in the morning and I walk them on the night shift. Works well because I hate morning.
• Randy makes breakfast, again I don't do mornings. I prepare lunch and dinner.

Understand the other's strengths

We both retired from teaching. But our expertise is in VERY different areas. He taught automotive technology. I taught English. Need I say more?

When necessary, I read the manuals, maps and schedule events. He checks the oil, tires, and makes sure the tow car is secure. We both perform work supported by our skills. He accepts the time I spend writing, and I love that he works on the vehicles. We both do what we enjoy.

Show appreciation

Most importantly, it is important to say thank you. Just because we are married doesn't mean we are obligated to wait on each other. However, it brings me joy to make his favorite meal. Each morning when he fills my coffee cup, his kind gesture is followed by a kiss and we both smile. Daily, I thank him for the things he does just as he shows appreciation for my supportive actions. We validate, appreciate, and celebrate each other.