What It's Actually Like Living in Wisconsin

"Wisconsin? Don't you mean Wis-caaann-sin?"

If I had a dollar for every time someone said this to me, I'd be able to pay off my student loans.

It's no secret that people like to make fun of Wisconsin. And hey, we make fun of ourselves. If you've seen the Manitowoc Minute, you know it has been getting more and more popular over the past few years (it's my dad's favorite YouTube thing).

The media portrays Wisconsin as full of simple farmers, cows, beer, and cheese-heads—almost like that lovable, country-bumpkin cousin that always gets a bit drunk during the holidays, and is pretty chill except when the football game is on. And for the most part, it's accurate. We maybe talk a bit differently. We probably eat more cheese than the rest of the world combined, and are a bit over enthusiastic about our state football team. And you know, maybe there's a lot of snow and guns and cows lying around. Maybe there's a bit more alcohol floating about than your average state.

But there's more to Wisconsin than that—just like there's more to your random cousin than how much (or little) they drink over Christmas.

First Things First... Not Everyone in Wisconsin Likes the Packers

Gasp! You mean to tell me there are people who live in Wisconsin that don't like the Packers!? Isn't that like a requirement of living there?

Sadly, no.

There are plenty of people who hate the Packers (or just football/sports in general)—especially the closer you get to the surrounding states. They root for "da Bears" or Vikings, or maybe even Lions (although I have yet to meet a Lions fan in real life). Of course, some people just prefer other teams, such as the Eagles or Cowboys or Chiefs.

Don't worry, we'll convince them eventually.

Water Parks, Water Slides... Water Skiing?

A lot of people know about the Wisconsin Dells, but not about our water skiing teams.

I know, I know; you think I'm kidding, right?

Actually, water skiing in Wisconsin is huge. According to the Wisconsin Water Ski Federation (www.waterski.org), "Wisconsin is the Water Ski Show Capital of the World."

Basically, we're kind of a big deal when it comes to water skiing. Well, water ski shows, at least.

I lived where one of the teams was based for several years. Everyone gets involved. Thursday nights were water-skiing nights; the whole community (and surrounding ones) turned out in support. Kids as small as four or five all the way up to parents ski in pyramids and do all sorts of tricks.

Several schools in the University of Wisconsin system have collegiate-level water skiing team, with the Madison and Lacrosse teams ranking nine & ten, respectively, according to the official NCWSA website. Wisconsin schools also have five teams in the top 50, according to those rankings.

So maybe we're not the absolute best, but we've got some talent. I mean, we have almost as many (more, cough) lakes as Minnesota—might as well use them for something.

Welcome to Redneck Wisconsin

Yes, he is drinking beer while water skiing. Don't try this at home.

Wisconsin is one of the most redneck states I have ever seen. From the obsession with country music, to the amount of cows, to the amount of guns, to beards so long you can braid them, to duct tape holding trucks together, it doesn't get much more redneck than us. There are people who ice fish in shorts, use picnic tables as boats, play golf in the snow, and teach beer pong to innocent children (not me, if you're wondering).

I get the shorts thing. Really, I do. After two months of temperatures below zero, 30 degrees can seem like a hot summer day. My uncle once said, "You know you're from the North when you say 'Oh, 15 today. It's warm out'."

He's not wrong.

I have literally watched someone fix their vehicle with duct tape. More than once. My sister has ridden a cow; kids barely old enough to babysit can drive farm equipment better than I can. There's more than one drive-through liquor store in the area. People use things until they can't find parts for them, and then make the parts themselves. And while I've never actually milked a cow, I know plenty of people who have.

WE POLKA AT WEDDINGS AND SHOW UP IN FLANNEL.

Well, sometimes. Some people do. In jeans, too.

I really wish I were kidding about that.

With the amount of beer in this state, I am completely convinced that the phrase "hold my beer and watch this" came from Wisconsin. Of course, there's the added "watch me drink beer while I do this thing" that is specific to Wisconsin Rednecks. Just imagine Duck Dynasty with deer instead of ducks, add alcohol (and copious amounts of snow), and you're not too far off.

Hello, Small Town America

Wisconsin is basically one giant small town.

Sure, we have some bigger cities like Milwaukee and Madison, but once you get north of Green Bay, there are maybe five cities over 20,000 people in the state. And that's being generous.

Everyone knows everyone. Or, at least, they know somebody who knows somebody you know. Or, they have a cousin who has a nephew who knows your cousin's spouse's step-brother's daughter-in-law... you get my point. It really is a small world after all.

Small town culture does have its perks. Maybe you can get tires at a discount, because your dad is friends with your mechanic. Your mom used to do craft shows with your landlord's wife, so they don't mind if you're a few days late on rent every now and then. You went to school with your eye doctor's nephew, so they always give you coupons to use on your glasses.

Not only does everyone know everyone, but, everyone is related to everyone.

Okay, so maybe that's kind of an exaggeration. We're not Alabama. BUT. You would not believe the conversations I've had where I realize someone I know is related to the person I'm talking to. People from very different areas of your life often turn out to be cousins.

Example(s): I would be hesitant to date anyone from the Southeastern part of the state, simply because we just might be related. My great-grandma is from the area I'm living in now, so who knows who I'm related to here. I also have friends who have literally found out they're cousins with someone they just met that day.

I also may or may not know someone who accidentally went on a date with their fourth cousin.

But don't worry. You usually find out they're your cousin before anything weird happens. Usually.

Cranberries & Sweet Corn

Everyone knows about Wisconsin Cheese and Wisconsin Beer. Half of my friends from other states ask me about Spotted Cow, and the other half about Cheese Curds (if you don't know what that is, you should).

No one ever asks me about cranberries and sweet corn.

Not that I mind.

Fact: Wisconsin is leading the nation in exporting cranberries and sweet corn. Google it.

There's an annual Cranberry Festival in Warrens, and in Stone Lake. I've been like three or four times; it's a lot of fun. They make things out of cranberries that most people never would have thought about: wine, jewelry, baked goods, dyes, etc.

As for the sweet corn... one simply has to drive through the state to see what I'm talking about. Cornfield upon cornfield meet the eye. I myself have eaten freshly picked sweet corn on more than one occasion. It's the best way to eat it.

We used to have this festival in one of the towns I grew up in called "Cornfest." We had live music and lots of food, complete with a dunk tank, carnival games, Corn Hole (bean bag toss for everyone else), and a Corn Eating contest (eat as much corn as you can in five minutes; I think this kid ate like six or seven ears once).

So yeah, we like corn almost as much as we like cheese.

It's "Snow" Beautiful

Do you think of snow when you think of Wisconsin? How about mind-numbing cold? You should.

Where I live, it's typical to have three to four snow days a year. Last year we had more, although I admit that had more to do with the cold than snow most of the time. At about -25 degrees, the buses stop running.

That being said, Wisconsin is beautiful in the winter. In fact, Wisconsin is beautiful pretty much all the time.

It's beautiful in the fall...

... and beautiful in the summer, too.

The only time one can argue Wisconsin is NOT beautiful, is during mud season, the only semblance of spring we get. This typically occurs sometime in March or April. Everything is gray—the sky is gray, the snow is gray, and the brown on the trees have faded to become gray as well—except the mud. The mud is brown and attaches itself to every article of clothing you could possibly wear. There's no point in washing your vehicle; it will be just as dirty tomorrow as it is today. Wait until it rains, or until summer, when you only have to worry about bugs on the windshield.

Family Is Important

Family is one of the most important things to those in Wisconsin, if not THE most important.

If one child is in football, the whole family comes to every single home game—maybe even some away games. And I mean the WHOLE family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, that one person no one is exactly sure how they're related to, but you all accept them anyway... you get the picture.

Our culture centers around family life, whether good or bad. Not asking how someone's family is doing is considered rude and almost offensive in certain circles. We love fiercely, and would do anything to protect those we care about—even to the point of hindering their growth.

"They're family," you say as you go to help your brother and sister-in-law move across town.

"It's a family thing," you tell your boss as you take next Friday off to go camping with your kids over the weekend.

"My family's in town," you explain to your friends as you prepare for a weekend of bickering and board games.

"They are family," you remind yourself as you drive them home from the bar for the fifth time this week.

Sometimes family isn't easy. Sometimes we fight and we argue, and we have to take breaks from each other. But we always find our way back together in the end.