Three Chicks One Boat

“So where are we off to today Holley?” Alaina asked as she poured us each a cup of hot coffee.

I pushed the plate of assorted pastries and fruit towards her as she approached the table with our mugs. It was our third day in New Orleans and I had already accumulated a stack of brochures and computer printouts on things I want to try and do on this trip. I gave her a mischievous smile and a wink as I handed her the brochure and sipped slowly from my coffee cup.

“Should I be afraid?” she asked hesitantly as she took the brochure from my hand. I didn’t say a word as she looked through the fold out brochure. I watched her expressions change several times before she finally said something.

“Ok so let me get this straight. You want to drive into the swamps and get a floating shack?” Alaina asked with her extremely serious tone. “Alone?” she added.

“Well darling you said you wanted an adventure on this trip.” I responded. “And they aren’t “floating shacks” they are floating cabins.”

I had already gotten online while she was still sleeping and checked out their website. HOUSEBOAT ADVENTURES; grabbed my attention because of the word “adventure”. I got more and more excited as I gazed at all the pictures of the different houseboats, cabins, and gorgeous shots of the Atchafalaya Basin. I imagined myself sitting in the middle of nowhere smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee watching the sun rise over the Cyprus tree tops.

“Did someone say we are going to the swamp?” we heard a raspy voice say as she was stumbling out the bathroom.

“AHHHHH welcome to the land of the living.” I said to my severely hung over friend Kristy.

This was Kristy’s first time to New Orleans. And like all first timers the one thing that is on their mind is the fact that you can drink 24 hours a day in this city. Kristy had never been out of Missouri and when she heard that Alaina and I were planning another trip to New Orleans for our Spring Break she asked if she could tag along. I honestly didn’t care who tagged along when we traveled because it helped save us money on gas and also served as a third person to help on the 12 hour drive from Springfield, Missouri. But I also didn’t want to babysit anyone or have them slow me down.

“You look like hell” Alaina blurted out.

“oooooooh” Kristy moaned pathetically as she rubbed her forehead. “This town is going to kill me.” She said this with the saddest voice I had ever heard.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. I tried to talk you out of going into bar number 4 last night. And you were hell bent on trying a “Hand Grenade”. I informed her without trying to sound as though I was already annoyed with her.

“New Orleans is no place for amateurs. Only drinking professionals” Alaina added as she poured Kristy a cup of coffee and pointed to an open chair on the balcony. “I learned that on my first trip down here with Holley. Something about coming out of a bar at 7:00am that I still can’t get used to.”

“Yeah Alaina doesn’t like to look at parents and their children on their way to school when we have been partying all night” I said jokingly as I finished my Coffee and Bagel.

Alaina laughed and rolled her eyes towards Kristy and then returned her attention to the brochure. We were already annoyed with our road trip tag along and it was only day three. I was thinking that we may have a drunk on our hands and that the best thing would be to get out of Orleans Parish for a couple of days. Kristy was your average college girl from a small town. She was young, cute, petite, and didn’t keep a boyfriend for long; not because she slept around. It was because she considered boyfriends a “distraction from schoolwork”. So when she asked to tag along with us we didn’t think that it would turn into someone who wanted to bar hop the whole trip.

I reached for my cigarettes and lighter and looked over the balcony at the streets below. I watched as the shop owners below opened up their stores for business. Sweeping the previous night’s party away was usually the first step. I watched people hosing down their section of the sidewalks, sweeping and piling mountains of trash to the curbs while I took drags off my cigarette. It is a gorgeous day with only puffy white clouds in the sky. It was already 8:30am and I was surprised that I was even up this early. I loved the French Quarter especially in the morning. There was a slight breeze whipping through the buildings from the Mississippi River which helped circulate the thick air. There wasn’t much happening down below this morning and after my cigarette my attention returned back to Alaina and Kristy who were still sitting around the table finishing their breakfast and coffee.

“So are we really going to the swamp today?” asked Kristy while holding her cup with both hands as though she was either cold or afraid to drop it because her head was spinning. I am guessing the second choice. By the way she sounded she was already not too excited about the idea. I turned and looked at Alaina to see if she had made a decision about the idea of getting a houseboat for a couple of days. I was hoping to have someone on my side before I tried to convince someone who would rather be sipping daiquiris and shopping in the market to come with us.

“Yes, the Atchafalaya Basin actually,” Alaina said as she read it off the brochure. “It looks like it will take us about 90 minutes to get out there.” She continued to read off different parts of the brochure to Kristy in hopes that she would be interested in going. But I could tell it wasn’t working.

“This is a joke right?” Kristy asked. “This is insane! We can’t go out into the middle of nowhere alone!” She caught herself starting to yell but her intense hangover stopped her from speaking above a slighter higher than normal tone. “I thought we were coming to New Orleans to party and have a good time. Maybe shop, eat local food and meet some guys?”

“Well we only booked this room for two nights and I think we need a change of pace. We can get anything we need at the store and just take it out there with us. I promise you that we will stock up on the party supplies before we hit the road. We will be fine. Come on, this will be an experience you will never forget.” I put on the best and most convincing smile while I told her this.

“Or you can stay at another hotel by yourself and on your own until we get back.” Alaina jumped in without missing a beat behind me.

Kristy knew that she had no choice but to go along with us. I could tell that the thought of being alone in the French Quarter scared her. She was on unfamiliar territory and already mentioned when we were booking into our room three days ago; that $120 a night was too steep to pay if she was down here alone. I pushed over two Aspirin to her while Alaina took that as a cue to grab her some water. Kristy looks defeated and extremely tired. I figured she could sleep in the car on the way there and once she feels better she will be more excited about being out in the middle of nowhere.

“Dear Lord, help me make it through this.” Kristy pleaded to the ceiling as she marched a slow death march to her bedroom to pack her suitcase.

Alaina and I reviewed the Louisiana State Map after we packed up our suitcases and camera equipment. We sat patiently for an hour as we waited for our third wheel to get herself together. She had definitely over packed and was complaining the whole time in the other room about how horrible she felt and how she didn’t have “swamp clothes”. I just rolled my eyes and continued to make a list of what I thought we would need on a houseboat:

1. Booze (beer, wine)

2. Smokes (Marlboro light 100s)

3. Bug Spray

4. Soda (coke, sprite)

5. Water (jugs not bottled)

6. Hot dogs & Buns

7. Side stuff (potato salad, chips, dip)

8. Radio

9. Flashlights

10. Deck of Cards

I looked at my list very confidently and was proud of myself for keeping it at 10 major things. Alaina walked over to me with her list. And I noticed it was twice as long as mine with items for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She even added books and magazines. She glanced at my list and started laughing.

“So we are going to live off hotdogs and booze for three days?” Alaina asked as she pointed to list items #1 and 6.

“Well I figured we could catch our food. They offer fishing gear that we can use for free and they said that there are some spots with crab traps” I replied. I defended my list. I wanted to see if we could go out and rough it like a bunch of guys would. I felt empowered at the idea of us going out into the Bayou alone.

“Do you know how to clean a fish? Or cook crabs? “She responded casually as she added more items to her list.

“Well, Ummmmmm let me see,” I closed my eyes as though I was trying to remember all the dates and exact times that I have cleaned and cooked something that I have caught myself. “Oh! I know when……..Never.” I said as I tossed some money at her to put towards the groceries.” I guess it’s better to be over prepared than under”, I thought to myself and smiled. This is why I like to travel with Alaina. She keeps me grounded and is the logical thinker. I like to be spontaneous and wing it. She likes to have a plan. Stick with me in this situation and you will starve.

Another hour later we were finally checked out of our hotel, car loaded up, and on the road. We planned to find a grocery store closer to the houseboat location so we didn’t have to worry about ice right now. Kristy claimed the back seat immediately by jumping in like she was diving into a pool head first with a pillow. I offered to drive so Alaina could take pictures on the way out there and help navigate with the map. With New Orleans getting further behind us we kicked on the stereo and started singing along to the “Road Jams CD” Alaina burned for the trip.

“HOUSEBOAT ADVENTURES HERE WE COME!” I yelled over the music. We were on our way to the largest swamp in America.

(check out part TWO)