The Wandering Rose

The room spun around me while I simultaneously froze. In one moment I could feel the sensations of the rose flowing up my spine and into my mind's eye. It bloomed; and the books’ invisible words arranged itself onto the petals, and from its petals dripped into my heart the gold codes that moments before were indinguishabled to my physical eyes. I was floating in the liminal state of the divine, beyond any space and time. Suddenly then, I understood why.

I snapped awake. My eyes opened aburdblty yet my heart softed with bird songs and sunshine filling the warm space of my room. Something was different. I let the sunshine cradle me back into my body, integrating myself into my day. In my bones I felt calm, yet my spirit was electrified from my sleep. I felt tingly; as if every cell in my body had been purified to an absolute state of presence and power that I had never encountered prior. There was a strong lucidity and fire, any thoughts I had were clear, any questions, answered.

My body decided for me to lay in bed a bit longer than I normally do. Mainly because I felt like once I moved, the steps I took this day would be some of the most transformational steps that I would take in my life. I didn't know why, but I knew everything was changing. That wasn't just a dream but perhaps a prophecy? An initiation? Something that words could only add limitations too. All I knew, or really could feel, for whatever burning desire that was lit, was that I must go to Egypt.

A part of me questioned if the next steps I would take would be the right steps, and also how exactly I could leave my work abruptly and pay for this trip to live before, during, and after this journey. “I definitely am not in a place to be doing any type of traveling overseas for any duration of time right now,” I inferred to myself. Some sort of reality check whisked through my mind. Surely this was just a dream and I can't just throw everything to the wind for a silly dream? Even if I did, how do I know I am taking the right steps?

Silence washed over me. My mind became blank, and the same rose from my dream, this time a small bud in my heart, spoke to me.

“Your truth makes your path clear.”

I laid there a bit longer, allowing the words to sink in. A part of my mind wanted to question it further. The only sensation I had was peace, and that I was ready. With a couple of deep breaths, accepting my new reality, my feet met the cold tile floor. Any part of my being that wanted to question what I was doing had no chance to rise to the surface. My truth was the oil on top of the water. It was almost as if I had found myself casted by some spell, and I gladly allowed myself to be bewitched by the aroma of the rose it carried within its essence.

After a present daze of getting ready for my day, I took a few moments to express gratitude that I had the day off today. It was the first one I had in a week, and as such I questioned for a second if I really wanted to spend the day figuring out a solo rendezvous to Egypt. Immediately my heart almost seemed to laugh at me; from that moment I realized all I could do now going forward was trust and surrender. I cracked a smile and let out an anxiously excited laugh.

“Alright, I don't really know why, or how I am going to make this happen, but I trust that this is my truth. Allow me to be patient and receptive to the path that leads me to where I am meant to go.” I spoke out loud to myself. The words rolled off my tongue, sweet like candy on my lips; and I savored its taste.

A painted mirage of my local library brushed itself across my mind's eye. I grabbed a water, my purse, keys and phone. Moments later I found myself driving my old Cadillac down the road towards the small library on the edge of the town near my childhood home. A place I used to spend hours in as a child, exploring the endless worlds of wonder, wisdom and knowledge that were all bound up in leather or paper encasements. The idea of being able to inhale that classic smell of the endless rows of books stirred my childhood nostalgia. I was happy to take a trip down memory lane.

That refreshing yet musty smell wafted across my skin as the doors swung open. I soaked it in and the image of the travel section near the children's play area with the play train set that I never really got to play on because all the other children hoarded around it, came to mind. Naturally I sashayed over to the section, smiling at the younger girl playing by herself while her mother scanned the rows a few feet away for her newest intellectual voyage. My eyes scanned the travel rows. “E.. E.. E.. East Timor, Ecuador, no.. Ah, Egypt.” From the small section of Egypt books I took a step back and cranked my head to read the various spines. It felt like I was on the search for some hidden treasure, one so hidden that not even the seeker knew the elements of its origins.

A small black notebook, with nothing but a blue rose on the spine was squished and pushed back between two larger books. Out of curiosity and also wondering if someone had gotten lazy and just threw a book that didn't belong to the section into the mix; I picked it out. Some sensation of familiarity puddled into my hands, almost as if I had seen this book before. I opened the book, and to my astonishment, nothing was written in the books pages except the words, “ Hall of Records,” Although I felt like there was more that I perhaps couldn't read, there instead was a $100 bill, adhered to the page behind. The book fell to the floor and I found myself unable to move. Am I dreaming? This must be a dream. This can't be real.

I watched the mother and daughter get up and move towards a different area of the room.

I came back to reality and glanced around the room to see if anyone had seen what I had just seen. No one else was around. I quickly scooped up the book and found myself a secluded chair in the back of the library that no one could really see what I was doing in. As quickly and as gently as possible, I took the $100 bill from the book and shoved it into my purse. When I looked back, there was another $100 bill, in the same spot. I excitedly pulled the bills off untill there was no more manifested. I felt high, as if every dollar that came off the book was stripping me of an old life that no longer served me. Every breath was a renewing grace from some familiar yet unknown place.

After having gone through the long process of getting a new library card, I sat in my car with the notebook in my lap, and $20,000 counted out in my passenger seat. Tears started streaming down my face, then a tsunami of emotions crashed into my heart. While hysterically crying tears of joy, I felt the rose bud being watered.

My drive to the bank to deposit some of the money, to my house and getting packed was all a swirl of excitement and nausea as it all felt like it was happening so fast. It didn't feel real. Yet in some strange beautiful way, I felt so ready. As if every moment of my life didn't make sense until now and I realized in some divine way that it was all in preparation for this. My plane ticket was booked the next day to set off at 1:11pm. The rest of my evening was spent journaling, as I had one nonstop brilliant thought after another until I drifted into a magical liminal sleep.

The realization that I had never been to a country outside of my own probably came when the airplane started giving announcements in Arabic and probably other languages indistinguishable to my own as we started to take off. There was no turning back. I took one breath out, and 13 hours later, we landed in Cairo. My next breath in, felt like drinking a glass of water after having gone days without, almost like you forgot it had ever existed until it's ecstasy glided down your throat once more.

After having checked into the closest hotel to the Giza Plateau, I booked a private tour for the following morning, July 19th. The exploration through the local bazaar for the rest of the evening led me to purchasing a beautiful blue ornate robe that I couldn't leave the little shop that I had wandered in without, as well as some blue lotus oil. In addition with it came a very interesting story from the crone selling the oil. She spoke of the Sphinx, and of a passage only accessible by those of the purest heart. That once inside, a series of tunnels leading to the left paw, only navigated by the heart or else risk death, leads to a room she called, the Hall of Records. A place where all questions have answers. My eyes lit up, she winked at me, and then beckoned her next customer over.

The sun rose upon my face and my eyes welcomed the sunlight dancing through the curtains. My body desired to greet the sun from my balcony, and in return I was embraced by the most glorious sunrise with the pyramids standing tall and majestic. I only knew today could go one way, epic. After peacefully getting ready for the day, I adorned myself in the blue robe from the market, and intuitively decided to put the oil on my forehead, neck, and chest. The same tingly sensation from my dream erected, and with that buzz I set off to explore the Giza Plateau.

After my guide had taken me inside the Great Pyramid, he told me we were to head off to the museum next. I smiled and asked if he could take me to the Sphinx instead. He said that was to come after, but supposed we could do that after instead. Perhaps because it was the middle of July, no one was really gathered around the Sphinx or pyramids. I asked my guide to buy me some water from one of the vendors, and as he turned, I looked around to make sure no one was watching. When it seemed clear, I hurdled my body over the fence and ran in between the paws of the Sphinx. I heard someone yelling, however the sound of my footsteps and breathing were the loudest noises to me in the moment. My hands touched the stone, my eyes closed, and suddenly I felt from deep within my heart a chant not native in my own language stirring from my lips.

Suddenly I found myself inside, and the walls lit up from fire torches with every step I took as I surrendered and chanted. After following the rose induced trance, I found myself in the most intrinsic iridescent room. My body was electrified and my eyes became fixated on a blue table in the middle of the room. I grabbed the notebook carried in my purse, and placed it on the table. It swung open and all converged.

Restart to the first paragraph. :)