The Top 6 Reasons to Vacation in Tulsa, OK

So you guys out there might not think that Tulsa, Oklahoma should be a spot high on your must visit places in the good ol’ USofA, but really, it should. This is a as must visit as oxygen is a must breathe or home invaders are a must kill. You will be shocked, flabbergasted, and surprised that such a seemingly dull place offers as much excitement as it does, but Tulsa is honestly a one of a kind gem. Don't believe me? Then, as an Englishman might say: "Shove off you bloody, stinking wanker, you miserable twit with bellend of a mother who wouldn't recognize your Dad in a lineup!" If you do believe me though, or if possibly you're just curious because I seem pretty cocky about Tulsa being awesome and you just can't accept the fact, read on and find out why you might be better off here than Vegas or New York for your next vacation.

The Food

From little hole in the wall restaurants like Burger in Paradise and the White Lion Pub to four/five star restaurants on par with most other cities such as Maxxwells or the Mahogany Prime, Tulsa has phenomenal beef, excellent variety of cuisine, and all around excellent food. If you are there, eat pie at the White Lion Pub. They are baked daily, and the best pie that's ever graced my mouth. I've eaten pie on three continents so I hope that means something. Also, when your waiter asks if you want your peas mushy, you say yes you god damn bum you.

Tasty & Traditional

The Sports

If you like getting drunk while watching college football to the point you can't remember what happened in the game, forcing you to rewatch the clips on whatever social media option happens to be your preference, you will find like minded individuals throughout the area, and in droves! Same goes for college basketball, with the Hurricanes and Eagles, both Golden of course, dividing the city in two the same way the civil war did. Okay, that's a huge exaggeration. This is more of a fun rivalry, if you don't know about the horrific living conditions of those who lived and died in the Civil War, read more books ya philistine. They also have both men’s and women’s soccer teams, as well as baseball, hockey, football, and indubitably roller derby. That on top with one of the most prestigious golf courses in the country, and you have yourself a sports lover’s paradise.

It is interesting to note that not only is Tulsa, Oklahoma a town which historically loved its pro-wrestling, but back in the territory days, before Vince McMahon took control of the professional wrestling business nationally, it was considered to be one of the most violent cities in the business, with rowdy crowds upset over villainous heel tactics trying to take vengeance into their own hands. America was probably a lot of fun back when the whole country thought wrestling was real.

Who doesn't love college girls playing volleyball?

The Culture

The Tulsa Ballet. The Tulsa Opera. The Tulsa Symphony Orchestra. The Sherwin Museum of Jewish Art. The Gilcrease Museum of Native American & Western Art. The Philbrook Museum of Art. The Tulsa Air & Space Museum. The Tulsa Zoo. The Tulsa Aquarium. And that is just the tip of the iceberg of culture in this city that is so much more than it seems.

You might argue that many-a-city have museums and the opera, and yes, you'd be right. Many cities have plays, and if how many different theater productions housed in a metropolitan area determined a cities cultural worth, Branson, Missouri would be a cultural hub of the world. It's the little things in Tulsa that make the difference. For example, even the movie theaters try something different by mixing old classics with the new releases movie-goers usually line up for. When I was in town, I had the pleasure of seeing John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China with a bucket of real movie theatre buttered popcorn in my lap.

The Tulsa Ballet

The Gambling

You can go gamble when you want to, which is a big plus for discerning adults who know how to mediate their betting. With The Hard Rock being on the outskirts of the city somewhat, it doesn’t pollute Tulsa into being a trashy cesspool, like some places in Nevada which shall remain nameless. *Cough* Las Vegas *cough* Reno *cough* Excuse me, my throat is a bit dry.

In all seriousness though, the casino/resorts in Tulsa are stunningly gorgeous and as just as luxurious as nearly anywhere in the world. They know how to pamper themselves in this city, and they prove it with the plentiful machines and tables to the spas, restaurants, arcades, and pools throughout the hotels.

River Spirit Casino. Tulsa

The Hiking

From the 135 parks the city itself manages, to the parks outside of the city, there are a plethora of spots to go hike, camp, and get away from the noise of city life for a bit. Fishing is especially nice at Lake Yahola. I will admit, I don't do any of these things really in Tulsa, because I'm here for the next thing on my list.

Just do it.

The Women

There are roughly seven single women for each and every single man in Tulsa. Even factoring in the guys that cheat, those scales are way off balance. Let’s just say it’s an easy city to meet a nice girl to show you around. And boy, does Tulsa have some gorgeous nice girls. Sweet, tall, & blonde corn-fed types largely, with butts as wide as the plains of Oklahoma. I really don't know why people go to poor countries to buy cheap prostitutes when girls in Tulsa are hungrier for dates than dead Native American spirits are for justice.

7 to 1!

If you don't want to go to Tulsa after that, I dunno what to tell you. You're obviously a complete moron who I want absolutely nothing to do with. I've got standards now you see, and at this age, I don't have time to waste on pantywaist scoundrels. You are obviously the worst of the worst; an absolute stain on the human race with less class than a carnival worker committing drunken bestiality.