The Girl with no Home(town)

Where are you from? It shouldn't be difficult to answer this question. I think at least once a day or a few times a week someone asks me about that and I should be really used to it. It's such a basic phrase, yet somehow I always struggle with it.

"Originally I'm from Poland but currently live in Virginia". - that's what I usually say these days but this still doesn't feel right. It leaves this weird taste on my tongue or the need to elaborate. It doesn't explain the idea of 'home' or even less 'hometown'. Not mentioning that Virginia is a state and it’s a big one! Just getting used to saying that instead of 'I live in DC' was a huge adjustment to me.

So let me tell you my story and if at the end of it you'll figure out what my hometown actually is, then bless your soul, please reach out and let me know since personally I have no idea!

I was born and raised in Poland. Until the age of 18 I lived in the same town where my parents and grandparents were born. We traveled a bit but never moved. For the longest time I was begging my parents to switch apartments, move to the city, send me to a boarding school but till I finished high school I had no other choice than to live with them, in the same 2 bedroom apartment for about 10 years. Don't get me wrong, my childhood was very stable and many kids would love that but for me... all I wanted was an adventure.

That's why during my whole senior year I did everything in my power in order to get into a cultural exchange program and move to the US. Of course it was my dream to live in New York, walk the streets of Times Square and go to prom. I was a teenager and watched way too many American movies! I even used to say that the moment I step onto the Times Square I could die and I'd be fine. Well...

I'm glad that I didn't die at the very first time when I found myself in New York City nor any time after that. I remember the excitement though... I remember dancing on top of the Empire State building and not being able to contain the happiness I felt. I made it. I made it all the way from Poland to America. It was a dream come true. In that moment if anyone told me what my life would look like in 5 years... I think I would explode.

So I spent a year in America, living with my host family and occasionally traveling to other States. When it was time to come back to Europe I booked a summer job in Greece and after spending a whole 3 days at home I took off to the island of Crete. It was the most amazing summer I could ever imagine. Somehow I became something close to being a local. I spent my days working, lunch breaks sleeping on the beach and nights getting drunk for free with tourists. I even landed a job as a flight attendant but I turned it down and decided to go back to Poland in order to get my degree.

Somehow I still managed to visit India between my job on Crete and starting college so once I got back to my home country... I absolutely hated it. All that time I was so excited to be back with my friends, eat Polish food all the time, etc. But being back wasn't the same. I had all those experiences in my life and no one who could relate. I was missing the adventure, speaking English every day and meeting people from all over the world... so after a couple of months I went back to the US. Initially I was supposed to be there for two weeks only, get some fresh perspective and come back to being a Polish college student, but after spending 2 weeks traveling around the US... I couldn't do it. I applied for a job in London and before I even got hired I quit uni. I had no idea if I made the right choice but I knew I couldn't live in Poland anymore. I hated everything about it and I didn't want to be the person who just kept complaining about her life.

Before I knew it I was on a plane to London, living for 2 weeks in a hostel before my lease started and starting a job 5 minutes walk away from Hyde Park. It was everything I could ever want. I loved it and I spent a year of being a young professional, using all my 20 days of paid leave to travel around the world. There was not even one month when I wasn't on the road and when I was in London I explored the city. I fell in love... I loved every single thing about living in South Kensington, jogging in Battersea Park and taking trapeze classes in Hyde Park. I dated, I hooked up with people, I spent late nights in pubs drinking whiskey with ginger ale. Something was missing though... in all of this I didn't seem to have any real friends. I felt more alone than ever before.

That's how I ended up coming back as an Au Pair to my host family in Washington, DC. I wanted more from life and somehow I got exactly what I was asking for. 3 days into 'my Great American Comeback' I met my best friend who's now ironically living in London and working at my old office. 4 months into it I met my future husband. 2,5 years later I live in Virginia with him, our 2 rescue dogs and recently adopted cat.

But what is home? We've lived in a few apartments now, can't afford a house so we keep on renting. Manassas, Fairfax, those towns are theoretically and well, practically places where we lived or currently live but they don't sound like home. They don't feel like home. They just seem to be one of many steps towards where I'm supposed to end up. The closest I feel to home is whenever I hike. Being outside. Breathing fresh air. Where is it though? Who knows.

I like to say I'm a Global Citizen because I've had an honor to call many amazing places my home. It really is truly magical to be able to say "When I lived in Greece..." or "I used to jog to the White House and back..." or even "New York is overrated". People think that I brag when I say all those things but the truth is that those are just incredible memories that I can't believe I have. I'm this small town girl from Poland who spent most of her life in a two bedroom apartment and her parents sleeping in their living room. I'm the girl who was bullied all high school because apparently her dreams of studying abroad were ridiculous. I'm the girl with no hometown.

I don't consider Pila, a town in north-western Poland my home anymore. I stopped considering London my home a while ago too. Lately I don't think of DC as my home either. These days I'm from Virginia and I enjoy living here but do I consider it my home? To be honest, I don't think so. I left home when I was 18 but I had no idea that at the same time I was leaving the idea of HOME behind me.

Maybe it's not as easy for me to move from a country to country anymore. Not with COVID and most certainly not with a husband and 3 fur babies. Still, I hope that one day I will find a place to call home. Whether it's a house, or a town or a country. I believe that there is a place that will feel like mine. Meanwhile, do me a favor and when you meet a person who's been everywhere and lived in all those awesome places... who has these fascinating life stories to tell... Don't judge them. Instead, host them the best way you can, show them around YOUR hometown and ask: What's YOUR struggle in being a Global Citizen?