The Beginning of the Ending

When I arrived in New Zealand, I couldn’t even imagine being here for 10 months already. That concept of time was beyond me, and I was aware of it.

I’ve always found joy in the surreal. Zooming out from a moment like a satellite camera and noticing the oddness of the reality of now.

Ireland made that possible for me. It was the first time I not only traveled abroad alone, but lived abroad. And it was a treat I was never going to forget. Ireland taught me to savor the moment, every single aspect of it. I learned that no matter what was going on on a day-to-day basis, always enjoy the fact of where I am because, in Ireland, it was a dream come true and it had an end date.

Flash forward to New Zealand in what’s starting to feel like the penultimate moments; I have cherished savoring these moments. My pre-nostalgia is exposing itself by noticing and remembering every little thing. Sunsets. Cloud formations. Norms. Oddities. Nights out. Starry skies. What I’ve learned that I never expected to.

Like how to follow weather. Because you can see it happen here. You can see the rain across the lake and feel the wind shift and know generally how tomorrow, or even tonight, will be different. It’s incredible to be able to communicate with nature. And it’s amazing being with a group of people where discussing the weather is more than small talk.

Every day I am taking on new challenges and paving new ground for myself. My journey so far has brought me to a place of awareness so that I can have more control over my growth. It’s amazing to be in a space where I can notice my transformations from the outside, see which part of me is developing into the person I want to be and which I need to coax into doing so.

And now…

Now I see the universal joke of time. That the future is the past and the past is the future. And you can always return to a beautiful place of long ago, so don’t worry and stress about fulfilling it all right away, but at the same time the time is now and there is no other time but now. The aging cynic in me knows that time is closer to jeremybearimy, wibbly wobbly than it is anything simple and linear. But so does the growing optimist, because forgiving your past self makes space for your future self to blossom, and time is just opportunity.

That’s allowed me to step back and know it’s not a race and my journey is right, whatever it is. And keep following it. So as this chapter comes to a close, I know it’s just the beginning of infinite possibilities. It’s amazing how reprioritizing and a break from societal expectations can give you space for literally anything.

Before I left Portland I wasn’t sure if I would make it the whole 12 months in New Zealand. I knew there were so many factors that I didn’t know, so I was trying to keep my expectations in check.

And now that I’m here, nearly done with 12 full months in this beautiful country, I am so proud of myself and empowered to continue to make this beautiful planet my home.

I’ve always considered myself to be open-minded, but this is such an exciting space to be that. I’ve learned so much; met so many different people; had amazing nights out when I almost stayed in and entertaining, thought-provoking nights in when I almost went out; and have become even more open, patient, caring, and accepting than I thought I could.

I’m excited to experience life as this newer, fuller self, to experience the challenge of leaving New Zealand and the challenge after that of continuing to journey, learn, and grow.