Sleep in a Bag, Drink from a Bag
Terrible Travel Advice: Drinking
When I travel, my itinerary generally looks something like:
1. Figure out what the destination is
2. Find the local watering hole
3. Figure out where to sleep
4. Everything else
You might think these points are out of order, you obviously have never travelled to Utah, but I digress
If you've travelled outside the U.S. between the ages of 18 and 20, chances are the only thing on your mind was the fact that you can now legally drink. Who cares about the history around you, drinking is a part of every culture right? And if you're mid to late 20's travelling literally anywhere, drinking is is just a way of life. You've probably run into a few of the standard travelling alcoholics. There's Mr. Man Bun and Gauges who refuses to drink anything but unfiltered IPAs. There's the wall street drop out who always has the most expensive gear and only drinks whiskey straight. The frat boys addicted to light beer. The stoner who doesn't drink but out smokes Willie Nelson. I'm sure you could continue to add to the list, but let's get one thing straight. They're all wrong.
Little back story on myself. Right after high school I decided to backpack through New Zealand. Being an American boy I had never been able to purchase alcohol on my own, and as described before, the only thing on my mind was legal drinking. So obviously I ran out of money in the first 2 months. It wasn't until I met a guy from Alabama who had been living in Australia for the last year that I realized my whole life was a lie. As I downed my fifth over-priced sub-par Kiwi beer, he said to me "hey, I've got a cheaper way to get drunk, and get drunk fast." Naturally I was sold on the idea of getting drunk regardless; cheap and fast was just a plus. He told his Irish companion to fetch "the goon". The Irish lad let out a disgruntled and apprehensive, yet somewhat excited moan, and went to fetch "the goon".
Enough of my life story, basically it ends with me blacking out and fighting a British guy. If you know what goon is, I'm sorry I wasted your time. You know exactly where this is going. If you are new to the horrible world of goon, it's just a name for bagged wine. That's right folks. Bagged wine offers the most bang for your buck. A lot of alcohol for not a lot of money. You're probably thinking, "bagged wine is gross, it tastes like someone dipped old gym socks in bottom shelf wine," and you're absolutely right. If you want to drink wine from a bottle, the Holiday Inn is down the road. Don't come around my campsite slugging wine from a bottle, shut up and come slap this bag.
Now the wine snobs of the travel community are probably thinking, "gross, nothing pairs with bagged wine." Wrong. If you're sitting around the campsite drinking bagged wine, you're probably also eating freeze dried beef stroganoff or your 7th PB&J of the day. Now to appease you smelly sommeliers, a fine bag of red wine will pair extremely well with the freeze dried beef stroganoff. The plasticky tannins of the wine complement the little preservation bag you forgot to take out. If the classic peanut butter and jelly is more your speed, I would recommend a crisp rose or white wine. Chances are you're the basic concord grape jelly and creamy peanut butter on white bread person, so a refreshing rose or white will balance the heavy ingredients of your artisan sandwich.
Before you judge me for my life choices, I want it to be known that I am not proud of my decisions, but I'll be damned if I don't stand by them. If you need me, I'll be in the mountains eating PB&J's, so get the goon and come party.