Mental check: Finding my purpose in life?

It’s All About You

You know I travel constantly: moving is my home, so it would be fair to expect me to give more travel tips online. If we talked a bit more, you may remember that I study fashion. If I did speak about myself more than usual, you certainly understood that I don’t do it to wear luxury nor to look distinguished, but because I love art. As an artist, I think and often see life with a deeper meaning than other minds. The thoughts never stop. They run all around my brain, perfectly unable to keep the focus, amazed by every object, place or person. I am aware of everything, but one: what is going on inside the rest of you. What you like and what you hate. What happened that got us drinking a beer on a table hundreds of kilometres away from home. How important or casual this way of living is for you. The kind of human it makes you become.

I was an ambitious child, a dreamer, a wanderer. I wanted to see the world and I was not scared of leaving home alone to do it. I would look for boarding schools, learn the basics of other languages, and try to be the best at everything to raise my chances of admission anywhere in the world. My 8-year-old tiny self quickly understood that it would never be in my power to have this kind of hope before I reach a certain age. Believe me, my parents were not all to blame as part of a province dictated by conservative elders and very incurious people. Thinking the contrary would have been impressive, to say less. But you know it: travelling is an incredible way to learn, to meet, to discuss and exchange. It is the essence of knowledge and the source of a powerful mindset. In other terms, curiosity helps you get intelligence and the opposite...well you get it. To say it all, no matter my education and my experiences, I always feel a step behind you. That is the reason why I want to remember and learn from your way of thinking, your family, your personality, your adventures and the best way for me to proceed is by writing.

I cherish every conversation, superficial or deep, we might have had in the past months. And as you all touch a part of my heart, I need to make sure that my broken English doesn’t show! I want you to feel the stars dancing in my soul when I write about you. I want the words to move you the same way they electrify, at a frantic pace, my mind fresh with inspiration day after day. However, as an introvert, act as an extrovert takes a lot of energy, especially when you are still working on meeting yourself.

A Session With Myself

You also heard this story: we laughed about it and you may have told me how cool I was to have left with a one-way ticket seventeen hours after officially setting up my mind.

Unofficially? It started a few days earlier. I was tired and in pain, like every second of every day of that last year. Not the pain you feel up in your head when nothing is going as you wish it would, but the one that decreases your vitals after living a bit too long with the first one. My body was weak from getting out of the bed...when getting out of it. The migraines and the stomach aches were as natural, if not more, than drinking water. And the shame of living this from a not so far away past of constant success was so heavy, holding my own body had become a sport of his own. To say less, I was extinguishing myself at, yet, such a young age.

The beginning took some guts. That is exactly why people find it so incredible, it’s because of how scary it is to leave everything and everyone you know. How brave you have to be or, in my case, how little you have to lose to jump in what is in reality no more a risk than an opportunity. I can assure you two things: there is no way I can regret having made this choice, but I also have to keep it real to the mental state as it will always be something that takes time and patience to acquire. For me, it is to keep on moving. After a few days, a few weeks, everything starts to disintegrate again. I need to go, to discover a new place. Not as a form of running away from reality, but more to keep filling my head with lessons, with people and to develop new perspectives. It is about finding the world where I want to belong and believe me, it exists. It exists in some two hundred different countries in the world. It’s hiding inside more than ten thousand cities all full of history, evolution, cultures and traditions that have grown always with the only purpose of elevating humans. And as long as I have not seen as many of them as possible, something will be missing. I want to fulfill my ignorance, to raise my spirit and all of this through the endless possibilities one my age could go through to become its future self.

Some days are still hard, the more I last in a destination, the harder it gets. You won’t see it by my expressions, but I start to have less to say about my day. I may ask you for a cigarette or two, even buy my own pack, despite hating the taste of it. I might cancel some plans or eat more. Not to lie I am still frustrated about myself sometimes for feeling this way, but all of these are feelings and they are part of this whole journey of simply becoming me. They make some good too. I can sense it. You will too. By seeing my words appearing on your screen more often. By seeing my life through the images I want to remember forever. The more I will know myself, the more you will too. For me, it is becoming a pleasant schema. For you, I don’t care that much anymore and that is the biggest gift I could have found as it allows me to increasingly attract the most captivating and beautiful individuals that you are.

For that, I want to say thank you. I wish you a wonderful tomorrow and hope my smile has been enough to let you know how much I appreciate each of the seconds, the minutes or the hours you kindly offer me of your time and life. Wait for the continuation, as it is only the beginning!

Purpose: The World

In the end, I want every part of it. The world is small and we have the time for it. I will not keep on living “normally” and dream on the side. I prefer to adapt and grow around the dream I feel life should look like for me. It did not happen by magic nor by naivety. Everything that crosses my way builds my person. The meaningless feelings or the endless ones create my humanity...in all its beauty. Maybe the opposite it was expected to be, or exactly how it was meant to be. If it is not scary, then it is not enough. So jump, dive, try and cry. Yell for hours and laugh for nothing. Be kind or not! Anything to eliminate the check-points on the list of who you are becoming. Retry the experiences you liked and forget those that seemed useless to your heart. Take pictures of the memories you want to remember. Write, sing, draw and speak. Or do nothing of these for a while, the time you need to. The most important is to stay true to yourself.

So take care and peace out!

Luv, Karma