Living on Russian Time

“Listen up. This project will be completed before the end of the year or you and all of your family will be in Siberia before the end of the day scrounging for food, making snowmen for someone to talk to, and living in huts praying the polar bears don’t eat you.”

“Now, that’s just a little encouragement for you. So, go on comrade and finish the project as I have instructed you.”

Those were the words Ivan heard as they were barked from his supervisor. Ivan also knew this to be quite impossible.

Ivan Ivanov (not his real name) was an important person in his little town in northern Russia. Ivan was an architect by trade, such as there was in Soviet Russia. He had supervised numerous building developments, from statues of dead communists to massive apartment complexes, to functional hospitals. His work also included the ubiquitous and iconic statues of Vladimir Lenin all over town.

And I mean, all over town.

As his supervisor stated, this particular project was to be completed by the end of the calendar year.

Which sounds reasonable, right? Well, it does unless there just is not enough time to complete said project by the end of the year.

Then, my friends, there could be problems.

And complications.

And, well, you get the idea.

The local communist government had determined that a physical addition to the local hospital complex was necessary. They also deemed it critical that the project be completed before the end of the calendar year, December 31.

BEFORE the end of the year!

I do not know why this project had to be completed by then.

Perhaps, like many governmental spending projects here in the United States, the fiscal year determines that the building project be completed in a specified time or there would be problems with the people in accounting.

Whatever the real reason, the likely outcome for failing to meet the deadline would see the local leaders punished by their benevolent communist leaders if said addition was not completed when they said it should be.

But, after a few months of heavy and constant working, it became clear to everyone that the project would not be finished by the end of the year. Therefore, the communists did what any communist would do.

They simply accepted reality like grown adults and planned accordingly that the project would run into the new year.

No.

Of course not.

That is too reasonable.

Their solution? Extend the year.

Yep!

Let me say that again for emphasis:

Their solution? Extend the year.

How is that done?

I am not sure.

My wife tells me that one of the communist’s slogans was that “communism didn’t need the sun because communism made its own light” or something brilliant like that.

My thoughts were, if they could control the sun, then they obviously could control the calendar.

Because isn’t that the same thing?

My father-in-law, who spent far too much time after supper with guests one evening relating this story, finished his soliloquy by saying that he himself signed the paperwork that authorized the “extension” of the calendar year.

What was the completion date for the hospital, you ask?

December 44.

Yes.

The power of the pen, imagination, and control over people’s lives apparently has no boundaries.

Who knows what would have happened if they had actually finished the project, say, in January?

Earthquakes, floods, avalanches?

Maybe.

Of course, we do not have to wonder about that, because, as you yourself have correctly deduced, it was indeed completed in January.

Just whatever you do, please do not tell the local bureaucrats.

Because they think they control the sun.

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Paul Swann is a dad, husband to a Russian Princess, lawyer, legal instructor, writer, and occasional guitar player. He spends his time in Arkansas with his aforementioned Princess Bride, Two Stunning Daughters, and two ne’er-do-well dogs. You may find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or PaulSwann.Com.