Italy and dolce far niente...

Life in lockdown has a way of allowing your mind to roam free in a space that is different to any you've ever known. It's a space of imagination but this time it has an edge. Never before have we felt this sense of longing for everything and yet nothing, both at the same time.

There is content within the discontent, almost.

One evening during all this, I was sitting with a rather large glass of red wine on the sofa, watching 'Eat Pray Love'...

and then, it dawned on me.

I NEED to go to Italy.

You see, this year, I was to be spending the best part of six months voyaging in and out of the country. That was before coronavirus happened.

I was due to be singing on a cruise ship that would have set sail in March and end its voyage at the end of October. I rehearsed for two months in Berlin before they sent me back to London - to unemployment.

Italy, for me, was to be my haven; my break from cruise life.

I dreamed of days exploring windy roads that lead to cafes full of people drinking only espressos after midday. That is where I wanted to be. Performing is exhausting and yet exhilarating; that's why we do it and we love doing it. My downtime, on the other hand, set out for exploring and getting lost in Italy's back streets. Diving out of the way from ongoing motorcyclists and sitting happily next to its fountains.

You see, I love to travel. I always have done. I love the adventure. My first big adventure was in 2017, where I travelled to Cambodia and Vietnam on my own for six weeks. The freedom I faced was glorious and I was, and still am, craving this.

I was alone and yet surrounded by so many different people every day.

I want to experience the Italian way of life. Especially, dolce far niente, which in the literal sense means - sweet doing nothing.

I long to sit in a pop-out chair outside a quaint cafe with an espresso in hand, watching passersby go about their day to day life. I want to sit there and be still. Alone in the sun with my thoughts and with life carrying on around me. I want to study the faces of each person that walks by - Who are they?

There is no pressure, no stress and nothing here matters, for I am still and life is beautiful in all its simplicity. Time slows down and all I want to do is smile.

Dolce far niente is a way of living and it's all about being in the moment and enjoying it. Since my last big adventure in 2017, life has got in the way. The sense of truly living in the moment that I had found in South East Asia disappeared as time went on.

I did, however, come close to it last summer, for that was the summer of falling in love.

And while falling in love, I realised a lot of different things about myself. And yet, there are still many discoveries to be made. I want to embrace that sitting outside a restaurant with a big plate of pasta in front of me and an even bigger glass of red wine. I want to reflect and I want a conversation. I need this 'me time'.

Deep down, we all do.

I want to fall in love with the world and with myself. I want to hear poetry and the language of love. I want it to surround my soul and move me in a way I've never been moved before. I want the architecture and the food and the cobbled streets. I want colour and zest.

I crave a vacation that means celebration. Celebration of the self, celebration of life and celebration of right now.

I will eat pizza and live in a quirky Italian apartment with an Italian woman asking me a thousand and one different questions about my life. Just outside, there is the faint backdrop of cats meowing as they too, wander the beautiful streets that Italy offers to the world.

It is mesmerising and it is music to the soul.

Maybe, I want too much?

Maybe in nothing, you find everything?

When this is all over, I will find my dolce far niente and it will be pure and utter bliss.