How Travel Has Changed Me

People change, it’s inevitable. We all go through a sort of metamorphosis stage where we suddenly realize that who we are, is not the person that they want to be. In that stage, you are faced with the two most important decisions you will have, “Do I change or do I remain the same?” Don’t get me wrong, change is hard and for some, maybe even unimaginable, and I get that. I get that everyone has a different story and you can’t just make change happen overnight, but I will say that it is not impossible. It takes a mentally and physically strong and determined person to want to change and to actually do it.

Have you ever heard of that phrase, “If you want something bad enough, then you have the ability to make it happen?” Well it's true. Everyone on this planet has the power to seize the moment and take advantage of the opportunity to make whatever you want happen. It all comes down to will. I believe that will power is the real thing. I’ve had countless moments where I imagined something that I wanted and then it happened. I repeated it over and over in my mind until I had it. I willed it to happen. Basically, I believe that what you put out into the world, the world gives back. It’s this unexplainable force of nature and its quite magical.

The thing is, you can not force someone to change, they have to do it themselves. They have to want it bad enough to push anyone and everything aside and focus on themselves. Sometimes to help yourself, you got to be a little selfish. Those that truly love you will understand the sacrifices you will have to make and if they don’t, well then you don’t need that type of negativity in your life.

Who was I before I began traveling? That’s a deep question. To say the least, I was lost. I was a wanderer without anywhere to go. I lived with this constant feeling that something wasn’t right and that this wasn’t the life that I was suppose to have. Something was missing and it killed me because I couldn’t figure out what it was.

My mental state was weak and my outlook on life was negative. I went through day by day in a zombie state, just dragging along, wishing that my life was different. I remember coming home from work and going straight to bed, thinking, “Is this it? Is this really my life?” But I know what you’re thinking, there are people out there whose life is worse, right? Well everyone goes through their own state of Hell. No one should be compared to another because we are all different. We all go through our own pain in our own way and how we deal with it is our own business.

In all honestly, I was depressed and I felt utterly stuck. I didn’t know how to escape from the life I once knew and I felt like I was drowning. It was hard for me to turn to my family and friends because I had painted this beautiful picture that I was just effing peachy. I suppressed my emotions and didn’t let anyone in. The only escape I had was getting lost in writing. I wrote about these fantasy worlds where the characters lived not only the life of adventure, but a life full of purpose. It was all I had and to me, that was all I cared about. Living in a fantasy world.

When did I really change though? It was the last time I had my heart broken. I was pissed and I wanted to get the hell out of town. I wanted a change and I had to have it. I was determined more than ever and that determination drove me to dig deeper into my writing. I started writing this novel about a girl who up and left her home and set out on a new adventure where she met a guy, fell in love, and had her whole world changed.

Little did I know, I was subconsciously willing my story to happen. And so it did. I up and left my home, set out on a new adventure, met a guy, and fell in love and haven’t looked back.

I talked about will power in the beginning. Well, almost everything I wrote about in that novel came true. Creepy, I know. You’re probably thinking I’m some kind of wizard lol. But I’m just as normal as you are. I’m telling you, will power is a magical thing. It took something such as heartbreak to trigger something inside me and to change my entire mentality.

I began thinking differently. Speaking differently and acting differently. It was as if something had pulled the blinding curtain down from in front of me and I could see clearly for the first time. I saw the world and I saw the people that were in it. I observed everyone in my path and found myself interested in where they were going and what their lives were like. I wanted to expand my mind and learn about what was going on with all of the world. I found my self knowledge of the world growing and I was becoming more open minded.

As I learned to care more about the world, I learned that the emotions I had suppressed for so long were slowly creeping back out from inside me. My guard was down and I was free to feel again. I remember crying one day and thinking, "What is wrong with me, why am I crying?” Someone had told me, “It’s normal to cry. It’s not normal to keep it in.” That was the moment I had realized that I had truly changed.

I was becoming this enlightened soul who sought after a life entirely different than my previous one before I began traveling. I focused on me and what made me happy. I became far more positive and found peace, not just from within but from the beauty that surrounded me. I found compassion for which I shared for others as they shared with me. I found love from friends that I could truly connect with and that truly understood me.

I found meaning to my life. A meaning that finally made since. I found what I had been missing and what I had been longing for, for so long. I had found the life I had always wanted and it was all because I had made the decision to change and for that, I am thankful for all the pain I had to endure to get there.