Esperanza

The transformation from desperation to dejection, and then to a somber acquiescence was, in a way, a relief. Pushing aside the piles of invoices, credit card statements, and scribbled calculations, I turned off the old desk lamp, and for a moment the entire universe seemed to dissolve into darkness. If only I could remain in that peaceful abyss forever....

Little by little, my eyes adjusted to the glow of moonlight filtering through the windows, rendering my new reality in a monochromatic palette appropriate to my melancholy.

Three years had passed since the prick I had worked for unjustly fired me, and cheated me out of over $20,000. It was a hard-knock lesson to not trust the word of people with shiny promises, but who insist on verbal agreements.

I had gingerly edged along the brink of financial ruin ever since; barely scraping-by while working hard trying to rebuild my life and career. The arrival of the pandemic changed everything, yet again, but this time I could see no escape from the spiral into insolvency.

The hands of the clock on the wall could just be made out: quarter past two. It would be pointless to try to sleep. Better to go walking in the moonlight and come to terms with my fate, than to endlessly toss and turn in my bed. So, I put on my warmest coat, and trekked down the road towards the cove.

Across the sky, the tapestry of stars and planets were my familiar companions. In the grand scheme of the universe, my problems were trivial, yet seemingly insurmountable. It was time to give up the fight. As I contemplated what that might mean to the future direction of my life, I arrived at the pebbled beach of the small cove. There was no wind, and only the slightest lapping of wavelets against the shore.

It was a magical place that never failed to draw me away from my cares, if only for a while. I marveled at how fortunate I was to live here, and prayed that my changing fortunes would not force me to move to some noisy, crowded city.

Sauntering along the water's edge, I noticed something bobbing gently in the shallows. It was a a little notebook, splayed open, with white pages pointing skyward. Scooping it up, I expected the paper to be little more than mush from a prolonged soak, but surprisingly it was hardly affected by its exposure to the sea. The smooth black cover bore no decoration or inscription of any kind, and all the pages were blank.

As I pondered the mystery of who had lost it, and how far it may have travelled before fetching up on this remote shore, I looked out across the channel and suddenly a shooting star splashed across the sky. Like a little child, I closed my eyes and made a wish, then laughed at my silliness.

Sitting down on a nearby log, I placed the notebook on my lap, but when I looked at it again, I did a double take. Its black facade was no-longer blank. Rather, a shiny, silver-embossed streak, trailing a starburst, arced across the cover, mimicking the path of the meteor I had just witnessed in the sky above.

Opening the notebook again, on the first pages, I found to my surprise, a sketch that I had not previously noticed. Skipping forward through the book all the subsequent pages were still blank, so I flipped back to the sketch for a closer look. Maybe it would give me a clue as to whose notebook it was.

As the details came into focus in the moonlight, my heart suddenly began to race. The sketch depicted a person sitting on a log on the beach of a cove, with little rows of wavelets lapping toward the shore. The person, bundled in a warm jacket, was staring down at a book on their lap. The face of the person in the sketch was clearly my own.

I stared in shock for what seemed like an eternity. How is this possible? What does it mean?

Questioning whether perhaps I had actually gone to bed instead of for a walk, and was now dreaming, I flipped the page forward again, only this time, instead of blank white paper, there was a second sketch that I'm sure hadn't been there moments before. It was of the same person, me, sitting in a small boat, rowing away from the shore. Across the stern of the boat was written Esperanza.

Baffled, I flipped to the next page... still blank. Snapping the book shut, I got up, and walked further along the beach, trying to rationalize the situation.

At the far end of the cove was a rickety old stairway leading up to a road, but blocking my access to the base of the steps was a small rowboat. As I tried to skirt around it, I looked down and froze. Esperanza was scrawled across its transom.

I opened the little black notebook again. Carefully re-examining the second sketch, there was no denying that it was of me and this little boat. Regardless of whether I was awake or dreaming, I could come to no other conclusion than that this enchanted book was trying to guide me forward. The question was, did I have the courage to follow it?

It seemed a folly to just set out on the sea in the middle of the night in a tiny boat, with no idea where to go, but what else could I do but embrace this bizarre adventure. So, I set the oars in the oarlocks, dragged Esperanza down to the water, clambered aboard, and began to row aimlessly away from the beach.

The only sound was a subtle creaking of the oarlocks, and the dip and swirl of the oar-blades in the water.

As the tall trees lining the shore of the cove receded, the expanse of stars stretched wider and wider across my field of vision. The black notebook lay on the seat at the stern, open to the second sketch.

As I cleared the rocky point that jutted out from the end of the cove, the slightest whisp of a breeze flipped a page, and revealed another new sketch.

Resigned to whatever destiny it was leading me towards, I stopped rowing and examined the new image. It showed a star-dappled sky, with the moon dipping toward the horizon. Below, a calm sea framed by outlines of scattered islands, buoyed the wee Esperanza. Nestled into the gentle curve of the hull, the figure depicting me was no longer rowing, but lying, curled-up and eyes closed in the bottom of the boat.

I suddenly felt extremely tired, and, grateful for having worn my warmest coat. Succumbing to the sketch's admonition, I made myself as comfortable as I could. It wasn't long before the motion of Esperanza, drifting gently on the current, lulled me to sleep.

Hours passed before I awoke to the brightness of the rising sun. I rubbed my eyes and cast around to see where the tide had carried me. Esperanza had come to rest on a small sandy beach. From the outlines of the surrounding islands, I could tell that I had floated several miles to the north before washing ashore at this spot.

I grabbed the notebook in hopes that it would offer some guidance. Sure enough, it now contained a fourth sketch. A small, narrow, thickly wooded island stretched across the next set of pages. Esperanza could be seen pulled up on a small beach tucked between rocky rises near one end of the island. I was depicted sitting along the rim of low, but steep, bluffs towards the opposite end of the island. The bluffs were indented by wonderfully intricate sandstone galleries and caverns, eroded by millennia of wind, rain, and waves.

Taking my cue, I dragged Esperanza higher up the little beach and tied the bow line to a nearby tree. Then, grabbing the notebook, I began the trek along the shore of the island. The distances weren't far, but the rugged features of the shoreline, as it rose higher above the water level, and hemmed in by trees and thick scrub, meant that my progress was slow.

I was getting hungry and thirsty, so, when I eventually came upon a trickle of water making its way to the sea, I sat down next to a small indentation in its course where I might scoop up enough to quench my thirst. Rummaging through my pockets, I found a half-full packet of chocolate almonds.

As I sipped water from my cupped hand, and munched my little al fresco breakfast, I wondered if I had yet reached the place shown in the sketch, so I opened the notebook again to compare it to my new surroundings. Sure enough, there was drawn the little trickle of water splashing over the rockface next to me, the notebook in my left hand while the right hand was placing what must be a chocolate almond in my mouth.

By now I was no longer shocked by the appearance of the sketches, so I expectantly turned the page to discover another one. I felt some trepidation, however, as I examined the new scene. It was a close-up of me struggling to climb up the seemingly sheer face of the bluff which dropped off below me to the sea. A strange bundle was shown strapped to my back, which, on closer inspection, was my big winter coat wrapped around something indiscernible. The arms of the coat were tied together and looped over my left shoulder and under my right arm like a sling.

It took me quite some time to discover a safe route down the rock face without tumbling into the ocean. When I finally found my way, somewhat scraped and bruised for my efforts, I discovered that a narrow shelf ran along the bottom of the bluffs, just above the high-water line. The outward curves of the sandstone galleries had hidden it from view when looking down from above.

I carefully edged along the shelf a short distance until it widened and led into a shaded cavern from which the tiniest of whimpers was emanating. There I discovered a bedraggled little dog, shivering in the deepest recess of that desolate space. The poor thing didn't seem to know whether to be happy to see me or to cower in fear. I dropped onto my knees and approached slowly. After a few sniffs, a subtle wag of its tail bade me welcome.

It took a while to figure out how to safely bundle her into my jacket without the risk she would tumble out, but we got there in the end, and very cautiously made the ascent back to the top of the bluff and then back to Esperanza.

Before setting out for the long row home, I opened the notebook to reveal one last sketch. It showed the little dog curled up, getting warm next to the wood stove in my home. I could be seen sitting nearby with my laptop computer on my knees as I read an online ad offering a $20,000 reward for the safe return of a prize-winning show dog that had gone missing a few days ago. I suddenly felt sure that this scene would come to be, thus saving me from the financial ruin that had initiated this whole adventure.

I thought of my former employer and all the pain I had suffered over the last few years, and marveled at the magic that seemed to be finally allowing me to let it go and start a new chapter in my life.

Unless this is but a dream!