Don’t Be That Guest

I’m sure we’ve all been on vacation, which means we probably all stayed in a hotel at some point in our lives. Some of you may have had the unfortunate experience of standing behind one of these guests, or maybe this will open your eyes to the fact that you are one of these guests (and hopefully this convinces you to change your ways). Nonetheless, until you’re standing on the other side of the check-in desk, it’s difficult to see just how annoying some of those travelers can be. Take a moment to read about five of the most annoying travelers that stay in hotels:

1. I didn’t see that on the website...

Anybody who’s worked at a hotel has heard this phrase before. By law, every one of our policies (especially anything that costs extra money) is listed on our website. If you had your friend make your reservation for you, and he forgot to mention (or didn't care enough to check) our parking fee, then maybe next time hire an actual travel agent rather than your poker buddy. Nonetheless, feel free to make yourself look like an ass by holding up my line, mumbling unkind words while you sift through your email to show me your confirmation that “doesn’t say anything about” our parking fee... oh, except right here, the bold text in the middle of the section labeled “PARKING” that plainly states “parking is USD$16 per night”. Looks like you need to learn how to read and how to pick your friends.

2. Why do you charge for parking?...

Well, we could always just include it in everyone’s room rate, but then when you ask us why your room rate is so high and we tell you it’s because everything is included, like housekeeping service, breakfast, Wi-Fi, parking, etc. then you want to nitpick everything you’re NOT going to use to get a lower rate. “I’m not gonna use the WiFi, I don’t need housekeeping service, and I wont be having breakfast, so you can take that off.” No, we actually can’t. What's built into the rate cannot be taken out, we just won't charge you for anything extra. If you choose to stay in a hotel and not eat the free breakfast, live in your own filth by refusing housekeeping service, and wasting your own cellular data (possibly even roaming if you're international) when there's free wifi, you're not saving money, you're just every accountant's worst nightmare.

3. I stay in 50 hotels each year and never heard of such a thing...

I’m sure you’re right, I’m sure we are the only hotel in the world that has ever held an additional $50/night for incidentals. In actuality, what that tells me is the quality of hotels that you usually stay in our so low that 1) their target clientele aren’t the type to have an extra $50 in their account, so the hotel can’t enforce that policy and still cater to low income guests, or 2) The hotels you stay at don’t have the option to charge things to your room, usually meaning there’s no room service, pay-per-view movies, long distance calling, or even snacks/sundries. If they did offer these services, they would need some form of guarantee that you have the extra $ on your card before they provide the good/service. Also, you seem like the type to break shit in the room.

4. My friend will be here later to pay...

Wonderful! Even more wonderful is that you will be sitting right here in the lobby when they get here, because we accept Mastercard, Visa, Discover, and American Express; unfortunately we don't accept good faith as a form of payment. Feel free to use the pool, hot tub, Business Center, Wi-Fi, restaurant, bar, or take a look around our gift shop while you wait. While you're sulking around throwing a fit that we won't let you check in for free, consider next time working it out so the person paying arrives first, or at least at the same time. (Now, we understand that s*** happens and plans change, hotels can be accommodating to a certain degree. But we have an eye for those things and if you tell me straight up at check-in "I'm checking in now, but my friend is at work and she will be here later to pay," that doesn't strike me as a sudden change of plans, just strikes me as poor planning.)

5. I want a refund—everything was wrong!...

My apologies, sometimes things happen at hotels that are beyond our control. But we do our best to address them as soon as we hear of them. Did anybody address your concerns when you reported them? Oh, you never reported them? So we were supposed to just predict that your smoke detector battery would need changing last night of all nights? And when you woke up this morning and used all four towels in your room, we were supposed to just automatically know you needed two more? The TV didn't work, huh? Weird, because my engineer is actually there now and it does work. Last night, did you call for help when you couldn't figure it out? No, of course not, 'cause then you'd have nothing to complain about. And lastly, I'm sorry to hear that you were woken up at 9 AM by screaming kids, but you're staying at a hotel right next to Universal Studios, 9 AM is the time every kid wakes up screaming because it's time to go have the time of their lives.

So next time you're staying in a hotel, remember these five things:

Read before you book,

Read before you book,

Read before you book,

Pay before you check in,

Report it before you let it "ruin your entire stay".

And, as always, we look forward to seeing you! :)