Wondering if I’d Get There Quicker If I Was A Man

Wondering if I’d Get There Quicker If I Was A Man: Life and Times as a Woman in The Entertainment Industry

Throughout my journey into adulthood, I have grown into my own opinions and thoughts about what it means to be a woman in society. In my personal life, my career, and my education, I’ve had to do what I call double dutch; where I have to cater to the standards and roles that society and the patriarchy, in particular, have set for me.

As a filmmaker and writer, I’m often fortunate enough to be placed in positions of leadership. I double dutch here constantly, asking for respect because of my over a decade of professional experience in the field, but being forced to handle every conflict in a disarming way, or else I’ll be seen as a diva, bossy, or impossible to work with.

As an actor, I have to climb the uphill battle of being seen as too feminine to be strong, to pretty to be smart, or too smart to be the lead. In my personal life, I double dutch, being gentle enough to men whose unwanted advances I don’t appreciate, kind enough to uphold my reputation, which no matter how kind, is fragile because I’m a woman, and incessantly apologizing for no reason.

And in my education, I’m constantly in film classrooms being told what feminism means, and what women created films we call respectable forms of art, all by men. Double dutch is so much of my identity, that if I take it away, I don’t think I would know who I am anymore.

Within my industry, my relationships with men change on a constant basis. I have been fortunate to work for some very kind and considerate men in the industry, who have never looked down on me or excluded me from leadership and conversation. However, there is always an exception.

I’ve had male directors make comments about my appearance, objectify me, and make me feel that I was so replaceable, so much so that it was the reason I decided to become a writer and director so that other women didn’t have to go through the same experiences I’ve had. I’ve seen my male counterparts be rewarded for their outburst comments, and my female friends ridiculed for their silence or eventual statements, always backed by facts.

Within the educational system of the entertainment industry, creative expression is something that is encouraged, and in most settings, coerced out of us by discussion, debates, and public statements of opinion. In acting classes, often times after someone finishes their work in front of the class, they’re forced to stand up as themselves in front of their peers for criticism on areas of improvement. Teachers often feel their acting studios are safe spaces where everyone can take this criticism publicly, but every time I’ve sat in on one of these classes or participating personally, those who tend to criticize are more often than not men. They are the ones who are unafraid to critique, and if they are the one being critiqued, the first to defend their choices.

Women, on the other hand, are often the quieter ones, and when they do take the chance to defend their actions, they are always cut off, finished by someone else, or they’re dismissed. If it’s a male instructor, they’re quick to move on, if it’s a female, she’s either incredibly intimidating in order to be respected, or stepped on.

The entertainment industry is one that is a part of everyone’s lives. Whether you’re an actor, a writer, or someone who enjoys watching TV, reading books, or listening to music. The industry that I’m fortunate to work in is one that is ever-present and constantly evolving. However, so much of our industry is rooted in the foundations of men and the patriarchy. I hope one day to be like Reese Witherspoon and Shonda Rhimes and create media, direct, produce, or perform in it. But without discussing the little things that add up as well as the big ones, we can't begin to change.

And I really can't help but ask myself,

I wonder if I'd get there quicker if I was a man.