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Who Doesn't Have HPV

My lived experience with abnormal cervical cells

By Julie MoonPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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Who Doesn't Have HPV
Photo by Timothy Meinberg on Unsplash

“Of course I have HPV,” goes the line from Broad City. Like, who doesn’t?

HPV or human papillomavirus is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the USA. It is spread through vaginal, oral or anal sex. You can develop symptoms years after being infected, making it really hard to stop the spreading.

There is (mostly) nothing to worry about when it comes to HPV. Especially if you got the Gardasil shots (before you became sexually active). HPV can lead to cervical cancer, but most people cure it on their own. The cancer is slow-moving, it can take years or even decades to develop. Even so, it can still be deadly. This is why medical professionals try to monitor your cervical cells for abnormal changes with a yearly pap smear.

While HPV is not that dangerous, it can still lead to a lot of doctor visits with people in your vagina. Look, I used to not care about people in my pussy. I really didn’t. One time, I was camping and used a poison ivy leaf as toilet paper. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I let a room full of doctors examine my swollen and allergic vulva. I didn’t even blink.

When it comes to gynecologists now, I’m terrified. And it’s all thanks to HPV. After almost four years of having to go back and forth with doctors– all around the world– I now have serve anxiety about going to the gynecologist.

TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of medical procedures, cervical pain, and orgasms.

Australia

By Joey Csunyo on Unsplash

It all started in Australia.

I hadn’t had a Pap smear in a few years and I was overdue. I went to a nearby clinic, confident that with my Australian insurance, it wouldn’t cost too much. It turned out, I was wrong. The doctor's visit cost me about $600 AUS dollars. This alone, sent me into a spiral.

Money is not discussed enough when we talk about medical complications. 40% of Americans can’t cover a $400 USD emergency. Even in Australia, with a higher minimum wage, this was true for me too.

Then I got a call from the doctor. They had news to share that couldn't be discussed over the phone. I knew this wasn’t good. I went back to the clinic where a doctor told me gently that I had HPV. He gave me tissues and I broke down in tears.

I didn’t really know anything about HPV. I just knew that I had cells that could one day lead to cancer and I needed further testing.

Medical trauma

By Dan Freeman on Unsplash

I was leaving the next day for Sydney. My apartment was packed, but I had to make a long journey to a specialist in order to get a biopsy.

The doctor was kind and explained to me that a biopsy is when they take some sample cells. In this case, of my cervix. It wouldn’t be too painful, just uncomfortable.

With my legs up in the stirrups, I realized the doctor was right, it was uncomfortable. But it wasn’t as painful as I thought. We were discussing how this was much less painful than getting an IUD, which is a form of birth control that is inserted into your uterus.

As I was saying this, I groaned in pain. “Ouch, ok that one hurt.”

“Oh, no,” the doctor said, “I pulled out your IUD.”

Now, just to recap if you don't know. The IUD is a form of birth control that goes in your uterus and costs about $1,000 USD. It is extremely painful to insert and lasts about five years. I had my IUD for half its lifespan and it was just taken out. On accident.

The doctor was very apologetic and offered to put a new one in for free, which I thought was the right thing to do. But he said I would have to pay for the IUD itself which was $300 AUS dollars. Plus, he added “I think you’re cells look very abnormal, so it’s possible you’ll have to get the IUD pulled out anyway for a further procedure.”

I was a total mess. My IUD was taken out about two years early in a painful accident. The person who did it still charged me $700 dollars for the biopsy. And, he left a bad taste in my mouth, worried I would need another procedure.

I took my plane ride to Sydney the next day, completely overwhelmed and unsure of my medical state.

Nepal

By Prasesh Shiwakoti (Lomash) on Unsplash

As it turned out, my abnormal cells were not too bad. Meaning, I didn’t need a further procedure. Which left me feeling so confused. I paid around $1,300 AUS to be told I’m fine. Not to mention, being traumatized by an unexpected medical mishap and losing my form of birth control.

Doesn’t it feel like there could be another way to test for these things?

About a year later I was in Nepal and my vagina hurt. I went to the doctor to be sure. He decided to test me for a yeast infection before doing a Pap smear as that was most likely the cause of discomfort.

While on the medical table, I saw that there were stirrups available. However, he didn’t pull them out for me. He had me push all the way to the edge of the table while balancing with my legs. He then shoved the clamp up my vagina with no warning. The doctor was aggressive with the swabbing and pulled the clamp out quickly and painfully.

It turned out I just had a yeast infection but the treatment made me uneasy. Two back-to-back unpleasant gynecologist visits.

USA

By nathan kosmak on Unsplash

A few months ago I was back in the USA. I made an appointment at a sliding-scale clinic to do my pap smear. The results came back that I had abnormal cells, again. I needed a biopsy.

I told the nurse of my trauma in Australia and asked for Valium, which they (thank goodness) gave me. The results for my biopsy came in and my cells were considered dangerously abnormal. They wanted to proceed with a LEEP procedure. This is a procedure where they remove the abnormal cells from your cervix.

I still don’t know how they do it because I dare not Google these sorts of things, but I asked for Valium (again) and had a few panic attacks leading up to the procedure.

It went as well as it could have. It was uncomfortable, but not painful. The valium helped. The staff was very kind and gentle and understanding of my anxiety.

Luckily, I was able to get emergency, government insurance for the procedure by going to a sliding-scale, health care clinic that was full of resources for those that are underfunded. In total it cost me $25 dollars.

Orgasm

By Gwen Mamanoleas on Unsplash

I still consider myself recovering from all four years of HPV trauma and uncertainty. Sadly, I know that HPV can come back, especially if you are still with the same sexual partner that gave it to you in the first place.

The financial stress, the uncertainty of not knowing what’s going to happen, and the medical trauma has made me very uncomfortable with my vaginal state.

I also notice that there are times, during orgasm now that I experience pain in my cervix. Unfortunately, I am not alone. There are many women who experience negative side effects from the LEEP procedure.

What is going on?

If HPV is the most common STI, why are there not better ways to test for abnormalities that don’t include painful biopsies or a need for a LEEP procedure? And if the LEEP procedure turns out to be necessary, why are women not warned of the potential side effects?

There is a long history of doctors not listening to women, especially women of color. For example, many doctors ignore the possibility that the LEEP is affecting women’s libido, orgasm, or sex life. Therefore, they don’t see telling other women as a necessity.

Additionally, there is a long history of women being neglected in medical funds, science, and research. Look no further than the ‘discovery’ of the clitoris in 2005 by Helen O’Connell. (It’s not just the little ‘button’ at the top of the vulva). Doesn't this feel a little late of a discovery.

While I didn’t look up how to LEEP procedure works, I can tell you that the tool they used for the procedure looked ancient. Like something from an 80’s sci-fi film. If it’s such a commonplace procedure, where is the upgrade for this machine?

My story about HPV still has me feeling unsure, negative, and traumatized. I hope in the future there is a way to continue to help those at risk of cervical cancer without the high costs, invasive procedures, and up-to-date medical tools.

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About the Creator

Julie Moon

Relationships ♡ Sex ♡ The feminist condition

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