What Women DON'T Want

Women. We are so powerful that many wish to suppress us. We are told many things growing up.

"Don't sleep around. You do and you'll be a slut."

"Save yourself until marriage."

"If you don't wear make up you won't be beautiful."

"Don't you want a boyfriend?"

"Don't be so bossy."

"You're dad'll have have to chase the boys away when you're older."

"He picks on you because he likes you."

"Why are you getting so emotional?"

We hear even more as we get older.

"You'd be so much prettier if you smiled more."

"You should wear more make up."

"Don't dress like that, you'll distract the boys."

"You're in violation of the dress code. Cover your shoulders."

"Look at those tits!"

"Are they real?"

"If you don't reveal more skin the guys are never going to like you."

"Don't be a slut."

"How much did you have to drink that night?"

"Well what were you wearing?"

"Did you lead him on?"

"It must be that time of the month"

And so on and so on. We are told it is better to be seen not heard. That if a man attacks us it is our fault. That if we dress in baggy clothes then we must be fat or a lesbian. If we choose to wear tighter and more revealing clothes then we must love sex and are easy.

Let me tell you something. None of these things are true. My whole life I have been told a million different things and nothing is true except for one thing. I am a human being and I deserve to be respected.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I started going through puberty when I was just eight or nine years old. Life as a kid in elementary school is hard enough. It's even worse when you're one of maybe three girls in the whole in the whole grade who has to wear a bra, deodorant and carry around pads. I was constantly teased for already having breasts in the fourth grade. My friends would ask why I would go to the bathroom so often each month and it was so hard to tell them that I had my period, so I would lie and say things like I drank a lot of water or I drank a lot at lunch. I was always embarrassed and felt ashamed.

Even in middle school and high school when the rest of the girls started going through the same transitions it wasn't easy. For a while, I was like their mentor and hero. The girls would come to me about tip for hiding their pads and tampons when so no one would know why they were going to the bathroom and we would talk about some of the struggles we felt. But in middle school, that is the first time I was ever called this four letter word. 'Slut'. And to make matters worse, it wasn't said to my face. It was written in the seventh grade hallway bathroom for anyone and everyone to see. I was humiliated and to make matters worse, I knew exactly who wrote it as I recognized the hand writing. It was someone who said she was my friend. She did it because the guy she was crushing on like me and she assumed it was because of the fact that I was already a C-cup by the time I was thirteen years old. How many of us have to deal with that?

High school was even worse. Many of my so called friends abandoned me as they became popular and the few guys that did like me well, most of them would stare at my chest rather than my eyes when talking to me. This happened at conventions too. Yes I am an anime, comic book, and sci-fi nerd. I like a lot of things that the guys like and so I was often told "oh the boys must love you." HAH! I think most of the guys I had become friends with due to our mutual interests just saw me as one of the bros only with boobs. They didn't want to have a romantic relationship with me, no matter how feminine I tried to be. At cons, I was confident. I liked to wear more revealing costumes and yes this is long before I knew the dangers of the internet and how permanent things could be.

I wouldn't discover that until college when I would get cyber-bullied by people in the convention and cosplay community. People who were supposed to be my friends turned out to be my worst enemies and nightmares. I became ashamed of my body. I didn't want to wear shorts, skirts, cute tops. Nothing. I cannot tell you how many times I had thought about a breast reduction from the time I was twelve years old until I turned eighteen. I can't tell you how many times I have been solicited for inappropriate photos. How many people thought I was easy or slutty. Women accused me of trying to steal their boyfriends or husbands because I was "flirting" with them.

Confession time. I don't even know how to flirt! I am a naturally nice person and like to smile a lot. I like playing with my hair because I take good care of it and love feeling how soft it is between my fingers. People often then I am flirting when I am just being my natural nice self and I'm sorry if that comes off the wrong way. And I know I am not the only one with these problems.

Unfortunately, the best solution I had was to write this article. We as women often feel alone and attacked. We don't have someone in our corner because men don't understand us, not really. And other women, well, as girls we grow up being very...catty towards one another. Yes that is the word I chose and it is not the best word or description as it is a stereotype. One I wish was not true. Women talk poorly about each other behind their backs. We are jealous if one of us has bigger breasts or a smaller waist. We call each other whore or slut if there is a girl dating the one we want to be going out with. We use derogatory terms for each other if we want to make a girl feel bad. We are our own worst enemies.

I don't want that anymore. I write this in hopes that we as women can move forward from the era of hating on one another and start a new. A time where we will rise together to stop oppression. To make our voices heard. If you want to dress in tight clothing, you should without fear of being called a slut. If you like sex, you should be able to have it with as many people as you like without being called whore. If you like more gender neutral clothing why are you a lesbian? We as women do not take care of ourselves and worst of all, when we do, it doesn't help and nothing changes.

How many of you get unsolicited dick pics? I know I do. I can't tell you how many of them I get. No matter how many times I report it, nothing changes. All the social media sites do is tell me to block them. How many of you get guys when they message you say things like "hey beautiful" and the proceed to try and get you to send them nudes? I have been having that problem since the days of AOL instant messenger. Again when reporting them, nothing changes. For those of you who may have sadly been attacked and you report it, how often does the officer taking your statement ask what you were wearing, how much you drank, or why you didn't say no?

No one seems to realize that often times we are afraid. And if we are not afraid, we are in shock. If we aren't in shock and we fight back. When we fight back we are accused of leading them on.

The times have changed and being a woman has become more difficult and even harder than it should be. It should be easier but we do not make it easier as we are not only fighting an unjust and unworkable system, but we are fighting each other.

I say we as in the general 'we" not that all women are like this. And yes I know this particular article has turned into a long rant covering many, many topics. I have had much of this on my mind and do no know what to do anymore other than just write about it and talk about it more. If these topics became less taboo, if we started working harder to be there for each other, and teach others, perhaps we wouldn't get the inappropriate messages. Perhaps we wouldn't be blamed for things we didn't do or want. Perhaps we could just be ourselves and not worry anymore about what we look like. And if it doesn't work for this generation, then perhaps we will be able to save the next generation of women or another future generation of women from facing the same blows, trials, and hardships we have faced.